M0nica
MooMoo2 You are in a dreadful situation. While your MiL is certainly in need of external help, Has it occurred to you that you and your partner might also benefit from the help counselling with a knowledgeable councellor can give as well?
I can see that to an extent you have joined GN so that we may offer a picture of normality and support, but professional support from someone who understands autism and can look dispassionately on the problem might help.
I am with others in saying that I would not risk leaving your child alone with her grandmother, for any period, certainly not when you go back to work.
As you describe her, the birth of her grandchild, has temporally, I hope, affected the balance of her mind and your child is not physically safe with her. I am sure she would never under normal corcumstances ever do your child any harm, but when someone as unbalanced as she currently is, her response to any emergency that may arise, especially if she is the cause of it, cannot be predicted, or relied on and she could, quite unwittingly, do your child physical harm.
It is difficult to know what to advise, short of estrangememt, that no one could want or advise, but I do think a point has been reached where professional help needs to be called in, preferably for her.
Iv often wondered if we all came together and actually helped to get her some PROPER help.
This is the feedback and impartial guidance I was looking for tbh. Its good to have outside advice sometimes as it can help to see if its actually yourself who's a problem or it genuinely is them. It helps to have fresh eyes and ears.
But I fully agree we should definitely look at getting her some help to understand them feelings. I want her to get the help as I know that she needs to hone in on them feelings shes got and shes needs help to explore them!
She was terribly broody when I first came home with the baby and she would cry frequently, at the time I just brushed it off as just excited by probably never saw it as a deeply underlying problem she has. She does comment quite regular about how she remembers things (which is fine its nice to reminisce), but then it turned odd when she was saying things like I miss having a baby, I miss that feeling of breastfeeding and being the only one able to comfort the baby.
Thats where it concerns me at times as I dont want her to feel like she cant be a comfort too him, but she wont get that if she tries to force that from him :/. Its so difficult and so delicate. We do care about her feelings but at times we've had to put her on a stop and just say “look we didn’t have this baby FOR YOU we had him FOR US. He’s not a toy, he’s not a puppy, he’s not a possession. He is our little boy, we cope absolutely fine. We will ask for help if we need but please don’t press it onto us without request as it could be seen as invasive!”. We’ve tried every approach we could, kind, firm, stern, cross, heated, texts/emails… its usually ‘im his grandma I have feelings, noone is taking into consideration what i want to do with him..’, it makes it so so hard to approach her 
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I asked my partner if she was like this with her brothers children but apparently not! We think she’s got a very deep attachment issue potentially that starts at my partner and she’s struggling to let go of it. We like she includes everybody in events but we dont want every visit to be a family gathering as we see them every week without failure and we dont need everybody there, its intimidating for the baby as he gets passed from person to person. And as someone said yesterday ‘he doesnt need his mum, he needs his Grandma more she can go feed him she wants a turn…’ I was devastated people just ignored his cries! I just thought is that what people really think of him; like he’s a little toy dolly to play with? Why are people trying to stop him coming to his mum when he’s so desperately looking for me, It breaks my heart when they ignore his needs and put their own before his :’(
