Too many "expert" theories

There are several regular posters who seem to think they are obliged to police the views of others. Surely all views are welcome and should be accepted not shot down in flames. I agree with LyleLyle’s original post she just put it in a very straightforward manner.

I was feeding my great grandson for the first time at the weekend and asked for advice knowing things have changed and was told, ‘just don’t choke him’!

I used to wander round with Baby and Child Care by Benjamin Spock in one hand when DC1 was tiny, trying to do everything right.
Unfortunately, DC1 came with her own set of rules and hadn't read the book.
👶

lyleLyle

@Doodledog,

Everything you’ve posted has affirmed my post. Everything.

Additionally, this “principled” stance of yours would mean something if you weren’t perfectly okay with the snide, rude, condescending comments made about young mums here. Sorry, but your soapbox just isn’t doing it for me. People love to dish it but can’t take it. You personalizing my comments tells me I hit the mark. Have a nice day!

And your 'have a nice day' has confirmed my suspicions too

Missing you already!

Norah

We easily accept we don't know all medical reasons for new rules, we just do as asked if we have to child mind - how difficult can that be? Why attempt to force others to our (perhaps) old fashioned ways?

I'd far rather get along with our children than question & annoy.

This. If the children are loved and cared for, why do so many grans really get bothered by the younger generations walking their own child-rearing paths? This is all ego. Purposeless ego. We’ve raised ours already. Let them get on with raising their children their own way. Keep the criticism and comments to yourselves. It’s really not hard.

@Doodledog,

Everything you’ve posted has affirmed my post. Everything.

Additionally, this “principled” stance of yours would mean something if you weren’t perfectly okay with the snide, rude, condescending comments made about young mums here. Sorry, but your soapbox just isn’t doing it for me. People love to dish it but can’t take it. You personalizing my comments tells me I hit the mark. Have a nice day!

We easily accept we don't know all medical reasons for new rules, we just do as asked if we have to child mind - how difficult can that be? Why attempt to force others to our (perhaps) old fashioned ways?

I'd far rather get along with our children than question & annoy.

lyleLyle

@Doodledog, sorry you’re triggered. I said what I said. Definitely not writing a novel back to you. I stand by everything I said. You're not obligated to like it.

@caliistemon,

UK born actually. Raised my family in the US . I stand by my comment.

Not triggered. Irritated. Please don't psychoanalyse me.

I know I'm not obligated to like your post, just as you are entitled to say what you like. I do have a right of reply, however, which I exercised without dismissing a whole generation, or remotely diagnosing posters as egocentric pearl clutchers who are threatened by change.

Plus, if I'm going to be written off as an old bat, it may as be a grumpy old bat, no?

I think we all feel like that sometimes. I think sometimes the way we read things on here is in our own voice rather than the author's. If you are having a grumpy inner voice day, things trigger you more than when you are having a more lighthearted inner voice. The written word can be so difficult to interpret sometimes especially when people often write things when they are in the middle of doing something so write concisely...not a problem I've ever had!

I think what lyleLyle said made a lot of sense.

Mollygo

Whether or not this was lyleLyle’s first post, she/he was a bit dismissive and rude about GP in general definitely cruel in places.
But it’s his/her choice.

I’m a grandmother. I apparently just cope better than some. You found my comment cruel. I found half the comments here about these young mums cruel. Cruel, critical, and sometimes flat out foolish. People have opinions. Opinions differ. It’s best to cope with the fact.

@Doodledog, sorry you’re triggered. I said what I said. Definitely not writing a novel back to you. I stand by everything I said. You're not obligated to like it.

@caliistemon,

UK born actually. Raised my family in the US . I stand by my comment.

Whether or not this was lyleLyle’s first post, she/he was a bit dismissive and rude about GP in general definitely cruel in places.
But it’s his/her choice.

Fair point, but don't you get fed up with posts insulting older people in a generic manner when we are commenting on a forum designed for older people?

I know older women are meant to be invisible, but where are we supposed to go to say things that older women say?

Seriously, if grans had gone onto Mumsnet and started telling new mums that they are doing it wrong and should listen to the words of the wise, they should expect to be sent packing with a flea in their ear, but that's not what happened, is it?

My only comments on 'experts' boiled down to 'they aren't saying much that is new, but new mums might need a hand after Covid restricted access to HVs and ante-natal classes, and I don't care for the rise of the professional influencer passing themselves off as 'sleep training experts' or similar. I have no hand to play here, as I'm not a gran, but the patronising tone of lyleLyle's post irritated me, and I don't like what seems to be knee-jerk antipathy to anything said by a gran or a MIL.

Plus, if I'm going to be written off as an old bat, it may as be a grumpy old bat, no?

I nearly wrote "Well said lyleLyle," too. I think some people do take offence when the things they did as parents change and their offspring listen to current advice. I know as a grandparent I could be slightly bemused at how many things had changed but I had all my children years apart so knew that this happened to me as a parent so was maybe less affected than I might have been. I think I might have uttered a phrase or two along the lines of, "OMG, you'd think I hadn't brought up 6 children," when I became a carer of a grandchild who came with a long list of instructions but I made sure this was only a moan to my husband and I followed them to the letter.

If this was lyleLyle's first post, you'd have certainly have made her feel welcome, Doodledog and are you not guilty of "policing" Gransnet with this post?

Ah, well in that case I apologise if there seemed to be any inference in my asking, but the rest of my comments still stand.

lyleLyle is not a new poster, Doodledog and please correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe is American, as is his/her supporter Mama2020.

That may explain the difference in expression and the psychological (for want of a better word) terms used.

lyleLyle, is this your first post on GN? It’s really quite offensive- maybe you can do better in future when you know better?

It will be helpful to stop taking new practices and changes as a personal affront to your child-rearing skills.
Is that addressed to anyone in particular, or just a generalised dig?

Times change. Safety rules change. We learn more, we do better.
The first bit is stating the obvious (of course times change) and the second is pop-psychobabble. These cliches are so irritating.

Personal anecdotes don’t negate reputable studies by people who dedicate their lives to learning for the purpose of improving.
Fair comment, if a bit virtue-signally. Don’t influencers, child psychologists and paediatricians get paid though?

All this boils down to is some women having a bruised ego at not being looked to as the “expert” themselves, as evidenced by the disingenuous “concern for the children of young mums today”.
Cruel and unnecessary, particularly on a site for grandparents. Are you suggesting that people on here are pretending to be concerned for their daughters and grandchildren? How can you tell from a few posts on one thread?

I’m sure these children will be fine
Oh good. If you are sure, we’ll all rest in our beds.

compared to the generations that grew up with adults chain smoking in their presence, or the car-seatless car rides of yesterday.
Back to the sniping now.

All generations will get some things right and some things wrong.
Yep. No argument there. Which is what people are saying really. Comparing how they did things and how they are done now is what older people do. Posters on this thread aren’t forcing views on others- the comments are by grans in a site for grans. This sort of policing never goes down well.

It’s no reason to feel so threatened by change.
More psychological diagnosis - who is threatened, and how do you know?

Will advice differ from today than in the future? Of course!
Very insightful.

Let’s just hope tomorrow’s grandmothers cope better than the ones clutching their pearls at today’s differences.
And let’s hope future generations avoid facile ageist tropes when putting older people in our places.

lyleLyle

It will be helpful to stop taking new practices and changes as a personal affront to your child-rearing skills. Times change. Safety rules change. We learn more, we do better. Personal anecdotes don’t negate reputable studies by people who dedicate their lives to learning for the purpose of improving. All this boils down to is some women having a bruised ego at not being looked to as the “expert” themselves, as evidenced by the disingenuous “concern for the children of young mums today”. I’m sure these children will be fine compared to the generations that grew up with adults chain smoking in their presence, or the car-seatless car rides of yesterday. All generations will get some things right and some things wrong. It’s no reason to feel so threatened by change.

Will advice differ from today than in the future? Of course! Let’s just hope tomorrow’s grandmothers cope better than the ones clutching their pearls at today’s differences.

Well said.

I mentioned quite a few words. Those were only two of them. It’s okay if you struggle to grasp the subject of a sentence, which ‘pearl neckless’ was not ftr. I’d only ask that you direct your struggles with comprehending the subjects of sentences elsewhere. Have a nice day!

lyleLyle

What makes your question relevant to my comment on the topic? Sorry, not interested in unrelated banter. Have a nice day!

You mentioned pearl necklaces. Sorry if your post was irrelevant.

My comment was to Mollygo

What makes your question relevant to my comment on the topic? Sorry, not interested in unrelated banter. Have a nice day!

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

What makes you so interested in pearl necklaces lyleLyle?

It will be helpful to stop taking new practices and changes as a personal affront to your child-rearing skills. Times change. Safety rules change. We learn more, we do better. Personal anecdotes don’t negate reputable studies by people who dedicate their lives to learning for the purpose of improving. All this boils down to is some women having a bruised ego at not being looked to as the “expert” themselves, as evidenced by the disingenuous “concern for the children of young mums today”. I’m sure these children will be fine compared to the generations that grew up with adults chain smoking in their presence, or the car-seatless car rides of yesterday. All generations will get some things right and some things wrong. It’s no reason to feel so threatened by change.

Will advice differ from today than in the future? Of course! Let’s just hope tomorrow’s grandmothers cope better than the ones clutching their pearls at today’s differences.