Too many "expert" theories

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Half these babies will have grown up and gone to school by now this thread is so old🫣

When DD was born I had a useless health visitor, who had also run our ante natal classes. She had never had a baby herself. I remember one mother to be asking if labour pains were like period pains. "Oh no, they are quite different" she said. Well mine were exactly the same for several hours before things really got going. She also encouraged me to use supplementary bottles when I was trying to breast feed, which meant that my milk dried up in the first month.

With my second baby I went with my own instincts and everything was much easier.

Dragonfly46
I was thinking the same thing. Do they not realise the OP isn’t watching.

Rosie why do you keep resurrecting old threads?

No- I trust the experts and know that what was right 20-40 years ago has changed.

Get with the times, Gran.

tapestryfrog

Its the bit about not sleeping in a pram that I had never heard of before. How does that work? I always found that the minute you put the baby in the pram and set off out they drop off in minutes. In fact a lot of people would take the baby for a walk round the block to get them to sleep. Are you now supposed to keep poking them awake again?

Prams are fine for sleep as long as there is a flat firm mattress

The trouble is with a lot of "expert advice" is that a lot of them contradict each other, and advice changes constantly.

I feel sorry for some new mums getting themselves into a complete frazzle with all the advice being thrust at them.🙄

Its the bit about not sleeping in a pram that I had never heard of before. How does that work? I always found that the minute you put the baby in the pram and set off out they drop off in minutes. In fact a lot of people would take the baby for a walk round the block to get them to sleep. Are you now supposed to keep poking them awake again?

My OH apparently had tongue tie as a baby, and the GP cut it at home. My grandson also had tongue tie but my DD had to pay for the procedure to cut it, after which he breast-fed with no trouble. I don't think that mothers get enough support these days with feeding their babies. Formula feeding is essential for some mothers and babies but it's a pity that it's become the norm, and for several generations.

Ongoing "expert" research generally brings about improvement, and has most definitely saved lives. However, let's not forget that they don't always get it right. I'm old enough to remember when, based on expert advice, certain cigarette manufacturers used to advertise that smoking was good for your lungs. Also, do you remember when we were being told that margarine was healthier than butter? Now butter is the preferred healthy choice. Expert opinions do often change, as they become more "informed".

There has been a lot of research into these things so, while it seems like a lot, it’s important to just support and listen to what the parents want for their baby. A lot of this comes from years and years of medical advice and, since certain methods have been implemented, SIDS rates have rapidly dropped.

I’m a doula (birth and postnatal) and I run a course for grandparents so I see a lot of conflict between generations - but also I do see so much conflicting advice and intense pressure on new parents. Especially around breastfeeding…and I mean pressure from
Grandparents.
“Should you be feeding him again?”
“Surely she needs a top-up to help her sleep”
“You can’t do that in public”
Etc
Etc
Etc
It was tough to discover, later in life, that I could have breastfed my babies for longer if I’d had better advice. It was tough to discover that I put them onto solids before
their gut linings were ready for it. But I was doing the best I knew. So were my parents.
Remember that our parents were trying to breastfeed (if they tried) in an era of all-time low breastfeeding rates in the UK plus minimal training of professionals plus an unregulated formula industry all too happy to jump in. So what could our parents possibly know? And what could they pass onto us?
My mother was told to feed me at strict intervals - unsurprisingly got mastitis - so she was told to stop breastfeeding at once - thanks to the cow’s milk based formula, I developed pyloric stenosis which persisted for months - and, I now suspect, cow’s milk allergy. All wrong.
Tongue tie is a real issue. It’s easily dealt with but it’s not always an instant solution as there will certainly be other problems. It’s not just a matter of “get out the scissors”. A proper lactation consultant will look at it very differently.
Putting babies on their back to sleep is a real issue too.
Most of the best-practice things we are shocked to find have been changed are changed because of huge research.
By the way the catchprase now is not “breast is best” but “breastfeeding is normal”.
Because formula companies would like you to think of it as a difficult, tiresome, humiliating thing that some mysterious power is forcing you to do…

Both my DDs have tried breastfeeding their babies and pumping but youngest found she just wasn't producing enough milk, even tho the 'experts' pushed her to try harder. Sometimes, these 'experts' need to back off a bit as they push far too hard on new parents to do the right thing BUT is it the right thing or just their thing?
With my eldest DD we were told to lay her on her side to sleep. But DD had her own thoughts on that & no matter how much we tried that child preferred being on her back!
I've always said to my lot, and others, I will give advice/tell you how we did it, but it is up to you which advice you take as this is YOUR child and you have to learn what is best for you and your child!!!

No clue what that first sentence means lol. But have a nice day!

And go ahead you did so it obviously got to you! 🤣🤣🤣 That’s nice.

I’m equally unbothered by the silliness of what you posted.

Mollygo

Actually, lL, I’m amused at how your continued defensive posts show how the identification of your rudeness have hit home with you.
You evidently picture all other grandmothers in a very negative way compared with your supposed superiority.

Since it gives you such pleasure, go ahead.

I’m unbothered by the silliness of what you posted. Have a nice day!

My poor mum was also told not to feed me on demand or pick me up when crying. Fortunately for me she went with her instincts. I think it must have been hard in those days when doctors were supreme beings, not to be questioned!

Actually, lL, I’m amused at how your continued defensive posts show how the identification of your rudeness have hit home with you.
You evidently picture all other grandmothers in a very negative way compared with your supposed superiority.

Since it gives you such pleasure, go ahead.

Keep reaffirming how my comments hit home for you! I’m very amused at how truthful they must have been since you are clearly imagining me directly addressing my initial post to you. Thanks for obviously being the example I addressed, gran or not. . And don’t worry, I’m sure you were a good mum even if a young mum doesn’t raise her child whatever way you did. It’s okay.

Thanks, Molly.

I would love to know how you think you can tell a phoney attitude or a pearl clutch, or a bruised ego, or any of the other things you accuse people of, lyleLyle?

I don't feel on the receiving end of your nastiness - I am not a gran, and all I have said about experts is that I don't trust the ones who are selling things to new and worried mums, so how you read any of that into my posts is beyond me.

DD
Yes, all opinions are welcomed, but is there a need for posters like lyleLyle to shoot down others in such a cruel manner?

Evidently they feel that need. Some posters do.
Thankfully, most posters don’t.

Is there is need for phony, holier than thou attitudes when one ignores one form of rudeness and goes on and on when they feel they are personally on the receiving end?

Care less, Doodledog. It’s healthier.

There are several regular posters who seem to think they are obliged to police the views of others. Surely all views are welcome and should be accepted not shot down in flames.

I assume that is aimed at me?

I don't want to police anyone's views, and I'm sorry if it came across like that, as it wasn't my intention at all. I don't see calling posters 'pearl clutchers' with 'bruised egos' who are 'terrified of change' as straightforward though - it's downright rude, and patronising to boot. If it is, then lyleLyle must surely accept that people will disagree with her in a similarly 'straightforward' manner?

Congratulations on your GGS 😀. Clearly you have a good relationship with your family, who trust you to do the right thing by him, which must be lovely. Not everyone has, though, and it must be very hurtful to be told you are past it by your family, and then when you speak of it on a grans' forum to be told that you are clutching your pearls because you are not kowtowed to as an 'expert'.

Yes, all opinions are welcomed, but is there a need for posters like lyleLyle to shoot down others in such a cruel manner?

I remember in some relative’s bookshelves an old book on baby care by a Dr Truby King (I think a New Zealander) who IIRC advocated strictly timed feeds, leaving them to sleep in their prams outside all day, and no picking up outside feed times if they cried!

My poor MiL was very sternly told by her health visitor (or whatever they called them 80 odd yrs ago when she had her first) NEVER to pick him up when he cried - it’d spoil him! She told me sadly that it went against all her instincts but she was only about 20 and was afraid of disobeying the old tartar. But she had always regretted it.

Rather more recently (70s) a friend of mine was told by her HV to treat her very hungry baby of barely 2 months (who was having 2 full bottles at every feed) ‘like an alcoholic’ and restrict his feeds, or he’d end up an obese child. Maybe that that was a theory at the time but I’m glad to to say she ignored her.