Long Distance New Grandparent

Welcome Shauna McGregor. There are many grans on here who have grandchildren living abroad and I'm sure one will be along with advice soon.

Congratulations on your new little one. It is hard to be so far away, when all you want to do is give them a big cuddle. Facetime/Whatsapp etc is your friend. It really does depend on the parents more than you though. Much better if they initiate the connection.

So long as you are on good terms, let them know how much you would value a contact every couple of weeks - ask their advice as to when would be a good time for you to travel over there (if you are able). Around about six months old is a good time - baby is more sociable and responsive.

My son and DIL were really good at just sending random photos at random times - often no text, but just a wonderful connection and so valuable.

Other than that - just do what all grandparents have to do - be supportive, don't give advice unless asked, and enjoy the new role you have been given.

They have opened up a photo-sharing file so that we can all look at all the photos whenever we want and we are booked to fly out in September. Just for a couple of days. DIL is amazing and thoughtful. We have had two Facetimes already.

I think I feel pressure from those around me in UK to be dashing out there immediately. None of my friends are in the same boat and have numerous grandchildren already and all are on the doorstep. The main topic of conversation tends to be how time-consuming and tiring they are! Guess I feel a bit isolated from their grandparent experience.

Your grandparent experience will be yours alone. You don't have to be the same as anyone else for it to be 'valid'. Take no notice of other people's (apparent) expectations and do your own thing.

My parents had grandkids in the US whom they were able to visit every two years. They would stay for about three weeks each time. My US nephews and nieces remember those times fondly.

My sister's son and his wife in the US are expecting their first child this summer. My sister is looking forward to visiting later in the year when it suits everyone else. I don't know if she'll combine it with a visit to our American brother as the families live several states apart.

Anyway, all the best for this exciting new part of your life!

Congrats!

If your username is your real name - I would address this breach of security on the internet

You are doing great! Keep having a good relationship with the parents and everything will develop organically

Congratulations SMC on your new grandchild and welcome to the GN club. I have twin granddaughters who live a plane ride away, so I have some understanding of how you feel. It will be difficult at the beginning when the baby is small, but soon you will be able to facetime so that your little one starts to recognise your face and voice. At about two, my girls started to request me reading a story to them . You could buy children's books from charity shops, or borrow them from the library. I send little gifts and cards from time to time, too. Lots of good times ahead!

A good friend of mine is a distance grandparent. She knew from experience with the older one that, just chatting to granny on video call was not working to keep their interest. Now she does granny bedtime stories twice a week. A short 10 minute goodnight and a book and her grandchild loves it, so does the new baby

Congratulations- I don’t want to rub it in, but I am in the enviable position of having my 6 GC , by 3 AC, all living within a 10 minute drive. I honestly don’t know how I would have coped if they were in another city, let alone, another country. I live alone (divorced) so it helps having them around me, although I am not needy at all. I have my own friends and my own life.

Welcome, and congratulations Shauna! While not that far away, I do have my DD with 2 Gsons a flight away. We maintain a relationship via facetime, and it definitely has worked. When we do see them, there is no hesitation to run into our arms!

My daughter was patient with me, holding her phone while I goo-goo'd the baby talk, sang Itsy Bitsy Spider, etc. How wonderful to get giggles from a young baby over video! It is a whole new world indeed.

We send little packages, even though a box of Smarties and a small book is more expensive to mail, than just send money. They love to get little packages from us.

A friend of mine whose little ones are further away also read stories (buy two versions of the same book, one for you and one for them), and had puppets that would entertain as well.

And always have something in your suitcase for them when you arrive! Mine now know it, and will help me unzip my case and have a look for their little treat!

Good luck, and enjoy the blessings of being a grandparent.

Welcome!

You are right not to rush out there in my opinion. Sensible and thoughtful. Give the new parents space to discover life as a little family first. In a couple of months they will be so much more confident and it will be remembered by them that you have put them first.

I am delighted to hear your praise for the new mum - DIL is amazing and thoughtful - how lovely! A great relationship with your son and his wife is what will make your relationship with the newborn work. They are in effect the gatekeepers to the baby and you already are respectful of that. I would keep telling them how much you appreciate their kindness, involving you from afar.

Remember to actually tell them how well they are doing - and then when times are tough you will be able to allay ordinary worries - just as a good "local" gran can. Too many new grandparents seem to leap in - offering uncalled for advice that is not up-to-date with contemporary child-rearing.
If you keep your son and daughter-in-law close in your heart they will automatically want that love for their most precious little one and will want to share with you the day to day struggles and joys - it is this which will keep you close.

As others have said, WhatsApp is your friend. I don't know if you have been to their home ever? If not, I think you will feel more involved once you have seen it, the lay of the land so to speak... the local environment. I know I could envisage my distant families lives much more once I saw their home, shopped locally, drove around the areas, went with mum to collectthe littleones from school...

Not a lot of advice at this point but don't listen to your (a little bit selfish) friends. Enjoy the relationship you have, it will grow naturally as the baby grows. Many here are "distant grans" although it's not as immediate as having someone round the corner it can still work. Technology is now so helpful- it no longer takes 6 weeks for a letter!

Congratulations and good luck.

Apart from live calls on WhatsApp, I've found short video clips very good- sometimes grandchild won't co-operate when online, but if parents video them when doing something new or interesting, you can watch it again (and again!).

For when baby is a bit older - when you go out to visit leave several small packages with her parents. Toddler will have no idea they didn't come in the post but will have fun opening a present from grandma every month. (Much cheaper than sending by mail!).

About presents: ask parents about that before assuming you can do anything

Parents may have concerns with too much clutter, teach the child the value of rewards, limits on money invested on presents, what toys are preferred, etc

Congratulations welcome to the club lol you going to find a whole different love for the baby. We do a lot of FaceTime so can see each other and so can little ones so they know your face. It’s not easy but you learn to cope and communicate with each other in different ways. I used to send my a special parcel just for them once a month. When my granddaughter was 2 she would scream online it’s my nanna did used to make me laugh she is now 12 and we talk on our way now lol