Grandchildren

Not knowing how old your GC are but if you go down the fostering route you will be paid reasonably and the children get a generous allowance for birthday and Christmas gifts
( well they did in my day).
The biggest thing is that they are with grandparents and family and will feel the security all children deserve. They will not be pushed from pillar to post with frequent changes of carers schools and always having to make new friends in new areas.

It’s a well known that children brought up in care do not do as well as those who were not. The feeling of rejection rarely leaves them and generally do not reach their full potential with many get into trouble because if the lack of security in their childhood.
I don’t want to make you feel guilty but if there is any chance of taking them, and maybe sharing a bit of care with family, please do. If not the rejection they feel will stay with them forever.
I worked with children at risk and in care for 20 years so feel qualified to have an opinion.
I wish you well OP and your family too whatever you decide to do.

Thank you for all your kind comments. We're both 50. I just worry about everything. We struggle most months with cost of living.
My poor grandchildren have done nothing wrong but have awful parents my son and daughter in law.
It's causing such a rift with in the family. I do feel resentful some what as I was a devoted mum I just lived for my children and now there all grown up we should be doing more together and enjoying life x

I also think its important that both people are in agreement. You say your husband wants them to live with you. If you have doubts then you do need to talk to your husband. Will it be your husband doing the majority of caregiving?

I can only agree with everyone else's comments; please take the advice of the Social Worker and be foster parents to these amazing children.

You should not feel guilty about receiving any allowance and remuneration to care for the children either, just focus on continuing to be the fabulous grandparents that you clearly are.

What a sad situation for those poor children, are they been removed from their parents permanently, or is the aim for the children to return at some point?
I’ve had one of my daughters and her children back home for a total of four years, I also work full time, and I do remember feeling resentful at times that everything seemed to fall on me, so you need to be sure that your husband plans on doing his share.
You also need to accept any financial help you can get, they cost a fortune.
But it will be rewarding, and quite frankly, what’s the alternative?

tinkestral, I think you'd have to register as foster parents - then apply for custody and the fostering arrangement. The final decision is for social services to take - so it's not guaranteed that you'd have them, just a suggestion.

Meanwhile, have a good think and really in depth conversation about how your lives will change if you take on such a huge responsibility.

I just wouldn't have the energy and resilience to raise more children now (having had four and one grandchild full time in the past).

So sad tinkerstral
Fostering is the best way forward. Don’t ever feel bad about being paid. You need money for yourselves and the children. You and your husband are wonderful grandparents. The children will be so loved. I wish you all the best

There are grans on here who look after their grandchildren following death, incapacity or relationship breakdown.
If you go with the fostering path you will get financial assistance and emotional support.
It’s a big decision but from the children’s point of view it’s the best option and outcome for them. All the very best and good luck 🤞

A difficult situation for all involved I know two people who were in the same situation.
Get all the financial support you can I wish you and your family well.

It is not just the money it is the fact that you will be responsible for these children for years. you have to be prepared for this .What about pensions if one of you does not work ? Do you have work pensions ? Think of holidays which will be so difficult. I do not want to put you off but you have to look the whole picture. You both have to want to take this on and share the responsibility of it .

Another advantage of you fostering is that foster children should continue to be supported. I say this because a friend of mine who adopted two boys found that support ended, even though one of the boys had ongoing psychological issues.

It's a big commitment tinkestral you are to be commended for taking on the care of your grandchildren. Don't feel guilty about your financial concerns it's important you have enough money to care for the children as you have to give up work. The suggestion from your social worker seems to be the way forward. I hope it all works out well for you.

Yes I did, like you I couldn't have done it without having an allowance.
I was in my late 40s, if I had my time again I would do exactly the same.
Good luck with what ever you decide

it's not just the money though is it.
you OP are the one who would be most impacted by this.
it is a heavy undertaking, esp with 2 SEN children.
you are no longer young, and would have to give up your job, your independence and any free time.
for years, with ongoing responsibilities, as you get older.
this may not be best for the children, apart from you.
another arrangement may be better, with your involvement continuing as grand-parents.
social services tend to do what is easiest for them.

I would take that advice

Just tell the children they will be staying with you for a while, they do not need to know that information and it will enable you to take the best care of them

I also think fostering is a better option.
So sad. What a terrible situation.

Thinking of you and wishing you well.

What a sad situation tinkestral.

The SW's suggestion sounds like a good one so perhaps you should look into the amount of financial support you would receive and see if it would be financially doable.

You have to have money to look after yourselves and the children so fostering seems the best idea to me.