Is it too late?

You said something over the top about a small child and you have apologised

If you withdraw from these social events now it will be like punishing your daughter and grandchildren for your mistake. You will just hurt her more.

All you need to do is learn from this and make sure it doesn't happen again

Try not to dwell on this and worry. You were wrong and have apologised so there's nothing more you can do.

You say you've always had a good relationship with your D which should enable her to accept the apology you have given, and move on. You made a mistake, and being a loving mother and GM who has apologised should be all that matters.

I hope so .

OK, lets separate the multiple issues mentioned here

1. B word
If your relationship with your dd and gc was/is good and this is an isolated event, i don't see a reason why an honest and heartfelt apology would not heal thus, also allowing time to do so

2. Sporting events and not fitting in - was this thr case before this happened?
Fit in is a very wide statement and can mean different things to different people.

3. Diabetes and sun - clearly not healthy for you, so who expects you to attend?
Saying no is a perfectly polite and acceptable answer

Let she who is without sin throw stones. We all say or do something stupid or wrong at some time. In most cases a heart felt apology, and possibly a bunch of flowers, resolves the issue, To keep dwelling on it is a sure way to make sure it does harm.

1. Yes, isolated incident. Don’t know why I said that. It was a championship game series the last day of three (travel ball…I drove back and forth each day.) They won. I had been in the heat for three days. But that’s no excuse.

2. I did feel “odd man out” before this happened but usually enjoyed seeing my gs play. A few grandparents come but not many. I’m the only widow and oldest (70). It’s been 16 years, but it’s a different life without him. Moved a few years ago to be closer and know few people here. I’m normally okay. It would have been my 49th wedding anniversary, but I should be used to being alone by now. His death was traumatic for all of us. Early dementia, suicide.

3. DD says she understands about the diabetes, but then later stresses coming to support gs. I just need to follow through and drop in from time to time when the weather is good and the games are local.

We talked some today. I think it will be okay. It has helped to read on this forum. Thank you all for your replies. I think I felt like I was helping somehow, but I see how unhelpful and unnecessary my comment was. So, I bought two cans of paint and started painting my bedroom. I do projects when I’m stressed. But I am beginning to feel better.

GS plays baseball (two teams) and usually makes All Stars and plays in a lot of tournaments after the regular season. Football, basketball. So does the younger gs. It’s been a lot.

If your daughter knows you and is understanding, she will let it pass. My daughter would go 'Mother' and then we would both laugh. As an elder I do now try to be positive in anything I say or keep quiet as I have a tendency to be grouchy & negative and could rip anything to shreds verbally if left to rampage. However, I let most things go unless they affect my health and rest and even then I try to be polite and say 'I am very sorry but I can't manage that'. Not an easy journey but who wants to upset other people?!

LRavenscroft

If your daughter knows you and is understanding, she will let it pass. My daughter would go 'Mother' and then we would both laugh. As an elder I do now try to be positive in anything I say or keep quiet as I have a tendency to be grouchy & negative and could rip anything to shreds verbally if left to rampage. However, I let most things go unless they affect my health and rest and even then I try to be polite and say 'I am very sorry but I can't manage that'. Not an easy journey but who wants to upset other people?!

I am the same but I find the relentless positivity that it now expected to be shown around young children exhausting! I said to my DH the other day that surely children should be able to see that SOMETIMES people are tired or grumpy as part of normal life? If we all are constantly Pollyanna thats not really realistic! My 3 DD’s expect a constant cheery upbeat energetic demeanour at all times and I struggle to maintain that.

I think it's fine for children to see adults grumpy and tired but the key important thing is also showing how to manage those things

Children shouldn't be growing up thinking it's ok to just be tired and grumpy around others without being accountable for that

I'm not surprised you struggle to be constantly cheery, upbeat and energetic jenpax. One of life's lessons is navigating relationships when there are difficult times, either because you're feeling tired and grumpy or someone else is.

Yes, it certainly seems like no negativity is allowed or tolerated. Both DDs and their friends have made it known generally that they refuse to watch any new stories that are not positive or discuss any issues that might be controversial.

I understand maintaining a positive outlook, but such extremes do not seem healthy.

Or realistic N123.

The main issue here is why you reacted like this to a one time event - why catastrophize the outcome

There has to be a reason in your background - not asking you to explain ir, but to reflect on it

Estrangement is not based on the event itself, but how people react because of it

I thought I posted a reply earlier but must not have. Yes, those are good points. Perfectionist background. I vowed I would not demand that from my own. Going for balance. Old habits die hard though. I’m my own worst enemy.

My daughters say "oh Mother" when I've said or done something they consider beyond the pale LRavenscroft

It's a very unusual thing to say, to call a 5 year old the B word

Is this the only time something like that has happened?

If you are feeling fed up with attending these events or it's impacting your health, you really need to communicate this to your daughter.

Maybe you could attend some games and not others.

It looks to me N123 as if you are demanding perfection from yourself. Well none of us are perfect and we all make mistakes.