Daughter gatekeeping granddaughter

With an attitude and vocabulary that you have I am not surprised your DD is "gatekeeping" as you put it I wouldn't have you anywhere near my child.

ClaireCEC, it's not your baby, therefore you have to respect the parents' wishes. They need time to be with their child and bond.

If you have used the same language in front of the baby's parents, no wonder they are reluctant to allow you near their child.

We were fortunate enough see our grandchildren the day after they were born, but respected the boundaries and waited to be asked.

You have shot yourself in the foot with your thoroughly unpleasant attitude.

Far too many entitled grandmothers around these days.

What I remember from 50 years ago is grandparents who respected their AC autonomy and were far too busy with their own lives to haunt their DGC early days. There when wanted and asked. Family relationships were then closer because family were always being invited in not fought off.

This could bring on a touch of the vapours.

www.amazon.co.uk/How-Nurses-Swear-Coloring-Book/dp/B08B384MM9?tag=gransnetforum-21

I was thinking that too TerriBull . It works!

ClaireCEC

Perhaps you should have tried the following;

When I gave birth I was so grateful of the love and support my parents and in laws gave me.
Now it seems the grandparents have to take a back set whilst the parents bond with the child.
Is this new way better for the child and parents, will it impact on relationships in the future?
I feel very left out.

MerylStreep

TerriBull
I sometimes think these posts are Bots. Put up to generate traffic, and if there’s a op to generate traffic it’s swearing and children 😱

Hear, hear

Not DIL /MIL though - missed a button there!

TerriBull
I sometimes think these posts are Bots. Put up to generate traffic, and if there’s a op to generate traffic it’s swearing and children 😱

I made the mistake with #4 DC who was born just before Christmas of allowing her to be passed around to anyone wanting a cuddle at all family and friends gatherings.
As a result she became ill with a virus which lasted well into the Spring. We had to call the emergency doctor several times and she had to sleep with a Wright's vaporiser inhaler to keep her chest clear. She never slept through the night for a year

I'm definitely on the side of gatekeeper!

I sometimes wonder if posts such as this are put out there to elicit a reaction, a combination of the goady and unreasonable. Wait to be invited, it's as others have said, the bonding takes place between the primary carers, grandparents are down the pecking order and your daughter needs to feel her own way, it doesn't have to be a carbon copy of your experiences.

You need your mouth washing out. No way would you be near my children. Hopefully yours son has not inherited your vocabulary.

We were lucky - my husband, daughter and I got to meet our new GS on the day he was born, but when push comes to shove, it's down to the baby's parents to decide what they want to do in those early days. We tried not to overcrowd them or step on any toes, and only visit when they wanted us to. Their baby, their rules - and your feelings are not a top priority in this situation, I'm afraid.

With language and an attitude like that, I wouldn't have wanted you anywhere near any of my children!

Babies don’t need to bond with grandparents. Grandparents don’t need to bond with babies.
Babies needs can be met by a primary attachment ( usually mother). Dads are more hands on these days and have pat leave. You feel like you are missing out - but guess what - it isn’t all about you.

Umm are you annoyed by any chance ? 🤣
Calm down and use your thought process before your mouth might help

Baby doesn’t bond with anyone but primary caregivers as a newborn. They have no object permanence, so once you’re out of sight, smell and hearing range, you no longer exist. Visitors are of zero benefit to baby, and actually a risk factor, in terms of viruses, etc. When today’s grandparents had babies, Covid wasn’t a thing.

If grandparents are destroyed by having to put the needs of the new parents and the health of the newborn ahead of what they want, then they’re clearly not able to respect boundaries. Grandparents aren’t the focus after a baby is born, and shouldn’t be.

You can’t be supportive while shrieking about not getting what you want.

biglouis

New parents will want time to bond with their baby without anyone else butting in. Deal with it.

Yes I agree about the language. Ive worked in environments where "robust" adult language was the default. But it does give the impression of a certain social class with whom I would not want my child (if I had one) to come into contact.

This. So much concern about ruining grandparents feelings and upsetting them bonding with someone else’s baby. Not an ounce of concern about what baby actually needs at that stage , let alone the poor mother. Newsflash - newborns and new mothers literally only need each other. Dad bonding is a bonus. Grandparents aren’t on the radar

New parents will want time to bond with their baby without anyone else butting in. Deal with it.

Yes I agree about the language. Ive worked in environments where "robust" adult language was the default. But it does give the impression of a certain social class with whom I would not want my child (if I had one) to come into contact.

I mean all I know about you is what you’ve posted here and I already know I wouldn’t have wanted you around when in was recovering from childbirth nor around my young children. So I’d wager a guess your poor daughter is doing the right thing

Perhaps it is also posted in MN too!

Anyway, this is playing bingo on pushing all the unhealthy buttons

perhaps OP thought she was posting on MN;
it's the usual lingo there.

why don't you say what you really mean.

Perhaps daughter doesn’t want a potty mouth Grandma around her new baby… 😊

So I get you have to wait to see your gd?

Has your daughter recently given birth by any chance?