losing my three granddaughters and I'm crushed

He is grieving. He wanted witnesses to his grief. Perhaps some empathy.

I think a little part of my heart broke the day my daughter and her three young children left to go to New Zealand. Like the OP we had had a tremendous amount to do with th children from their births and we always helped our daughter with other things too. I understand that the OP feels devastated but a six hour flight is easily doable and he/they can keep in touch by WhatsApp, FaceTime and so on. Please don’t forget that children also feel grief and loss when they find the grandparents they have seen several times a week are suddenly not there. When my daughter left she cried and I cried and we clung to one another, but the children were excited because it was an adventure. But when we left New Zealand last February after a nine week visit, our granddaughter broke her heart and clung to me, because she then knew she wouldn’t see us again for so long.
Strong bonds can be maintained from the other side of the world. It just takes more effort. On Monday my daughter and her children will be arriving here for a visit, and then we’ll be going back to them after Christmas.

davmalk has left the room!

I find it very strange that someone posts something like this and then does not return to comment again on others' input.
I know that when I have posted before (about to do so again, on a separate post...) I hang around for days to read and learn from the wonderful collective wisdom on here.
Re. the actual post and issue: I can understand the pain when family moves away but would agree with many who've posted here that a few hours (domestic) flight away is not that terrible. Like many here, my son, DiL and baby GD moved to Australia recently and travel there is long and SO expensive. Nevertheless we keep in touch regularly via wattsapp messages and video. We have definitely not "lost" them, and we need to send them off with our love and support

I feel your sadness. My son and his family moved the other way. Tennessee to Cali. Although we did not have them living in our home we were only a 6 hour drive away. Which meant we could frequently meet halfway to bring them home with us for extended visits. Now that they're over 6 hours away by plane it's a different story. My sympathy is with you. Flights going from California to Tennessee are not cheap and the drive to an airport can be hours due to traffic. However if I were you I would seriously consider with your wife relocating also. You'll be so surprised at how much lower all living expenses are in Tennessee. I wish we had that option. Unfortunately moving from Tennessee to California is extremely expensive. We live very comfortably with excess for the things we love to do. But in California we would be at poverty level, it's that much more expensive. You'll find in retirement your money will go so much farther. Good luck. It does get easier with time but for me leaving them after a visit is very painful.

Well Davmalk, as you've been told by almost everyone, suck it up, and stop whining. Lots of folk here (UK) have grand-kids in Australia or NZ, massively more inconvenient than the relatively short journey from California to Tenn.

If you end up with more time on your hands, find a charity to help, no shortage surely?! Oh, has it occurred to you that they moved due to your undue influence?!

Smileless2012

Only if the OP has told his GD's they are the love of his life, his best friends etc. and how do we know if he has?

Because I’ve found that when people believe such things to be true, it impacts their behaviour.

Only if the OP has told his GD's they are the love of his life, his best friends etc. and how do we know if he has?

I’d absolutely side eye a parent who called their young children the loves of their life, best friends and copilots for life.

As much as I love my kids, the language hits my radar as smothering, and makes me uncomfortable, because that’s a LOT of expectation and pressure being placed on young children to meet an adult’s emotional needs.

Thanks BlueBelle .

Smileless2012

I'm so sorry elaine .

Thank you Smileless2012 it is very hurtful. I actually thought of trying to be a surrogate grandmother . I have a friend in Devon in a very similar situation and she and her husband became surrogates to a single mum but sadly got robbed so that put me off and of course since covid, it hasn't been practical and now I am dealing with vax injury and various health issues so wouldn't be up to entertaining a very young child or baby. That's life, worse things happen at sea as they say

I suppose it depends on how much time you've spent with them, the more you have the more you'll miss them.

I alwways find it a little strange when anyone here (or elsewhere), carry on about missing their g.children, if they move away. Surely, just the fact of having g.children, usually meams that an AC is moving away, etc. Yet they sre not mentioned

Shelflife you have said it for me too I love my grandkids, some through distance I ve had less involvement with, but now as young adults they are the next generation and like young birds flying out the nest they are making their way in this sometimes difficult life I ll be there if needed (for encouragement, sometimes a loan) but not at the forefront of their minds
This gentleman needs some help to come to terms with the fact that these are not his children and do you know what I d be saying the same to him if they were his very own children too much, too much you are suffocating them with your love
Share that love with your wife with your children with friends with hobbies give them the confidence to be apart from you and to find their own feet give them the confidence to fly and fall and fly again and soar and be happy for their freedom

Thank you Daddima, good to know I am not entirely alone in my view.

Shelflife, no trouble from me, as I wholeheartedly agree with you. While I do love my grandchildren, I can feel there is something wrong with me when I read of grandparents ‘adoring’ their grandchildren, and worrying themselves sick over relatively minor situations the children’s parents are no doubt handling.

There’s no one size fits all when it comes to families. We each have our own circumstances and challenges to deal with and we don’t know what the OP’s are or why he’s been so involved in his grandchildren’s lives. And having been met with comments such as:

his wording is very weird indeed! Must be a scam , he is probably reading our posts with great satisfaction!! If it is not a scam there is something very seriously wrong!

I doubt very much that he’ll be coming back to tell us.

Thankyou Farmor, like you I endeavor to help my AC so they can help their children and I love them all! It is a complex situation and as you say there may be reasons why this all consuming love for GC happens. We brought our children up to be as stable as they can be , we didn't suffocate them and have no intention of suffocating our GC, and I hope our children will do the same for their offspring and any future GC they may have! We have a great relationship with our 3 AC , I think this is partly due to ensuring they have always known how much we love them but at the same time we respect their individuality and support the decisions they make as adults. AC and GC are not ' mini me's' they are their own wonderful selves!

Shelflife - I fully agree with you. I sometimes wonder did those so invested in their grandchildren miss out something with their own children and now trying to compensate?

Like you, I love my grandchildren, but my involvement with them is mainly to do with wanting to help out their parents - my own children!

I know I am going to get onto trouble for this but…............ Forgive me but I really do not understand why the OP and others on this thread invest such emotional energy into ' possessing ' their GC!! I have always considered myself a very loving GM and trust me I love them all very dearly. Lots of GM duty , treats and unconditional love ! I do my best to ensure all is well for them and indeed their parents - but our GC have parents who will be there ( hopefully) after we are gone . We have invested a huge amount of emotion into bringing up our own children - it's their turn now! I do worry that those who make their GC 'their life' will be heartbroken when those children become teenagers/ and strain at the leash to begin their journey into adulthood and GPs are not at the top of their priority list ! This is how it should be ! Of course we love our GC but the love we give them will be the wind beneath their wings as they soar into the world. If we don't suffocate them they will return from time to time to show their love and appreciation. IMO it is grossly unfair to smother them with such a possessive love. I genuinely apologize if my post has upset / offended anyone, that is not my intention, just my opinion!

Give yourself permission to grieve . . . it will be easier to form new bonds later if you allow yourself the grieving process you need now.

It always concerns me when an adult claims a small child is their "best friend". How can this be? It puts a massive burden onto the child and implies that the adult leans on the child for support.

But they re alive, they re well, the father has a job, they will be with their own mum and dad Notspagetti this grandad needs help maybe in dealing with this but it’s really all good news however many miles between them
This gentleman needs help in how to learn to deal with a different life for him and his wife

I wonder if people who say "it's the same country" realise that California to Tennessee by car is 2,000+ miles? It could be 2,500+ miles depending on location. It's like going from northern tip of Scotland to the southern coast of England three times each way - or if flying, it's a 4-6 hour flight. It's like going to the Gambia from London rather than France or Italy for example.

I don’t know what to make of this. Have the parents not brought up their children? Where is the op s wife in all this? I hope he comes back to clarify things.