Concerns re grandchild's diet.

My son was like this at 3. We found out through evaluations that he has sensory challenges. Our ped recommended feeding whatever we could get him to eat, incentivizing nutritious choices, and to not push too hard. He’s still a picky eater, but he largely outgrew the issues on his own. I guarantee mom and dad are concerned and doing the best they can, too.

My 13 Yr old grandson has autism. When he was 4 or 5 all he would eat was potatoes in any form, plain cooked pasta, no sauce, broccoli and breakfast cereal and biscuits. His diet is still somewhat limited but now includes chicken, and occasionally roast meat.
He is happy and healthy.

I agree overall that it is best to put no sort of pressure and to keep out of any hassle about food. However sometimes our brains can work out ideas that may help matters! My son at about four suddenly decided that he didnt like any of the vegetables that he had previously eaten with no problem. So then I was not prepared to have an endless fight about it and used my brain. I have always made my own soups from whatever was around at the time so told him alright just have some soup and you can leave the vegetables. Triumph on all sides. He thought he was getting away with it, I just filled the soup with even more vegatables!! Then he enjoyed curry, so of course beef curry became beef and vegetable curry etc My other crafty thing wne he was at that stage of wanting to say no to evereything. Firstly phrase your question that No is the answer you want, i.e. dont you want to play with your toy "NO" ok then we will go to bed. He looked flummoxed and could not see how that had happened. Then with two friends with children of a similar age so we used to meet once a week. It was not a competition , more the opposite, So at your house you provided the lunch , could just be beans on toast, The children were fed first , so you made the food, the next mum was resposible to watching the children providing nose wipes trips to loo splitting up quarrels and the third person blissfully sat in a chair reading or just looking out of the window. Eating together if one child said NO or they didnt want such and such , the adult replied calmly ok I will give to (name of other child) or just ok you can get down then. No response in tone of voice or anything. Often if another child was eating something they would be happy to eat it too.Then we adults sat and enjoyed a sandwich or more beans on toast and were able to actually have a bit of a chat. So in your case, when the grandchild is with you you just provide your usual food and maybe offer one simple alternative but just accept and say ok you can get down and dont get involved in stressing about it. I made my own bread and only had wholemeeal or granary. Had children come and offer them a sandwich and they wanted white bread. I simply replied oh we dont have any, will you have this wholemeal bread that I have just made. sometimes got a refusal but just stated that was all I had. One cheeky child said Why dont you go and buy another white loaf? I just looked at him and said we dont used white bread here but if you prefer that perhaps you had better go home!! He ate the wholemeal one and even asked for more!!

Allow his parents to worry about his diet, if they so choose.

End of.

Our species has survived for first few thousand years on nuts and berries and occasional hunted meat. The fact we’re all here should tell you not to worry too much …offer him different foods mixed with his own ‘likes’ ,when he’s with you ,and if he doesn’t eat them just remove and let him enjoy his choices. A child will not starve themselves . Try not to fuss over him .

One of my friends daughters would only eat chips as a toddler. My friend was obviously concerned and consulted her GP who advised that the child was developing normally and seemed to be thriving on just chips so let her eat that until she is ready to try other foods.

Can I suggest a book you can get very cheaply second hand on line
My child won't eat by Spanish paediatrician Dr Carlos Gonzalez
All about the thriving but eats hardly anything or fussy child.
Worst thing you can do is to make an issue of it. And it's not always autism, most small children have pretty self restricted diets. In part it is a safety measure, stick to what you know is safe and you won't eat poison mushrooms or berries when playing out. It is familiar food. Most people grow up to have a more varied diet if they are exposed to it by the family or friends. I think all of us probably have things we can't eat, with me there are some textures, my mum had some pet hates, jelly, and jam for example, Dad hated cabbage and sprouts another example, but that was ok cos mum loved them. My brother won't eat fish. My daughter doesn't like milk.
Unless there are medical reasons why they are avoiding the food most of us grow up to have a better diet. A lady I was talking to on the bus the other day was telling me that her daughter has been diagnosed as coeliax recently, and before the diagnosis wouldn't eat bread but they thought she was being fussy. Sometimes there is a good reason for fussiness. And allergies aren't a new thing for instance birds custard powder was developed because Mrs bird was allergic to eggs!
Obviously being overweight or not that healthy it needs addressing. But if the doc/hv is saying all ok just chill. Maybe think of exciting things that he might like to try, nicely presented

A lot of children of his age are very fussy about food and eat a very restricted diet. Today the thinking amongst medical professionals and parents seems to be that this is a phase and should be made as little of as possible, as making a fuss about it might well be laying the foundations for an eating disorder later on.

You say he is your grandson, so unless he is regularly eating in your house - and by that I mean at least two meals a day, your wisest course is to say and do nothing, until his parents ask for your advice.

I would expect the family's GP or the child's nursery school to raise the issue if they felt that child is malnourished and I would leave it to them to do so, unless you have a very harmonious relationship with the child's parents.

Grandparents are as a rule NOT welcome to criticise issues like these, so be careful how you rock the boat.

If the child's parents are letting him become obese or get scurvy (signs of vitamin C deficiency)it's time to complain.

Baby milk, whether breast or bottle, contains all the vitamins and minerals needed for a healthy start, if he has any deficiencies, these will show up and be treated.

I got terribly worried when it seemed that my older son ate nothing but ice cream and crisps when he was approaching his 3rd birthday. However, he was a very energetic and happy child so he was obviously eating enough. I’ve seen lots of parents creating problems by trying to force foods onto children, which can lead to problems later on. But, as others have said, nutrition is the parents’ responsibility, and not something grandparents need worry about.

I think my siblings and I were more or less force-fed as babies, and I’ve had problems with stopping eating when I’m full all my adult life!

My 4.5 yr old great nephew has a texture issue with food. His mother enrolled him a therapy class introducing new foods - some of which took, the rest ignored. His Dr is amazed at how healthy he is - and Smart!! He is autism spectrum. He could read at age 3.5. He’s like the healthiest most vibrant kid.

We worry for nothing sometimes. Let the child progress as naturally as possible. Forcing him to eat differently may have an adverse effect.

The ones who may change his pattern? His peer friends and playmates when he observes how they eat other foods with gusto. They get curious.
USA Gundy

I have twin Dgs's. One is neurotypical & eats everything, the other has autism & global development delay. His diet consists of milk, pink wafer biscuits, salt & vinegar chipsticks & the occasional crumpet. He has vitamin drops. My Dd was told not to make food an issue, she has more important battles to fight on his behalf.

Perhaps he’s on the autistic spectrum…

We have a clearly overweight grandson who is now 6. For me, as the “fat child” in school I know the trauma that awaits him. Grandpa would like to say something, I do not think it is our place, and to me’body shaming’ is the most counter productive thing you can do. But, what CAN we do to assist. We have not yet broached the subject with our daughter - but I would expect a “stay out of it” response if we did.

Firstly, he’s not a toddler at 4, secondly many many children are exceptionally picky at this age (3 out of our 4 were) and thirdly this is so common in neuro-divergent children (autism etc), so long as he’s not desperately underweight, active and sleeps well I would not worry and I certainly wouldn’t be talking about it to the parents

My son lived on chips (UK) not chips (US) plus tomato sauce.
He's in his 30s and now eats anything

My grandson had severe food issues after gastroenteritis at 10 months. His diet for the next 12 years consisted of pesto pasta, every night, bread rolls, crisps occasionally cake. Last week we celebrated his 15th birthday at a steak restaurant, where he ate every type of meat going with lashings of salad. Last night he had chicken mango salad with peppers, radish, etc etc. He's a climber, incredibly strong and fit. Try not to worry...he'll discover food eventually!

We knew a child who lived on cucumber, ham and apple juice for 6 years, sounds pretty healthy compared with some here!
My GD was adopted aged 4 and only ate "crisp" food, things like chicken nuggets, oven cooked chips, crisps and biscuits. We think this was largely down to the carer she was living with. Two and a half years later she has a pretty normal diet, though she still prefers things crisp and doesn't like anything in a sauce such as macaroni cheese. Also she doesn't like cooked carrot, an aversion which I share!

Children, like adults, struggle with disordered eating.

The absolute worst thing anyone can do is to put any pressure on at all to eat anything. You run the risk of creating a phobia and a food phobic child has the capacity to not eat at all

The best thing you can do is offer choices, make it clear that they do not need to eat what they don't like and remove all stress for the child, and the adults because the child will sense the adults stress.

Then identify what nutrients may be missing and look for them in the food they do like and vitamin gummies etc

Honestly, I have seen children grow into healthy adults on a diet of chicken nuggets and crisps (also vitamins) try not to worry

A friend’s child is autistic and eats a very limited diet, mainly pasta and cereals. He is now 18 , very thin but seemingly healthy so do not worry too much.

Don’t worry about it. A) it’s his parents responsibility not yours b) children are all different. Some are what can be called ‘fussy eaters’. Least fuss, soonest mended

A lot of autistic kids will only eat beige food like crisps, pastry, chips etc and are extremely sensitive to smells and foods touching each other.

unless you have parental responsibility for this child, it is not your business.
and beware of making it an issue in front of the child; that could be detrimental to him.

My nephew, now mid fifties only ate Rivita and peanut butter until adulthood. He's now a fit, healthy vegetarian/vegan.

My cousin only ate Weetabix for the first 5 years or so. My aunt was so worried she spoke to the doctor who told her that her child was perfectly healthy and to stop worrying. Even now, in his 50s, he's a picky eater.