Only children

Need to be.

Grandma70s

My sister-in-law didn’t like being an only, but she had very idealised views about relationships between siblings. She was surprised to discover that my brother and I pretty much ignored each other. He’s four years older than me, we never went to the same school or had any interests in common. I felt like an only child and people often thought I was

Me too Grandma70 too many years difference for us to ever be close, he died some years ago.

But I always felt like an only child too, especially as he was the ‘golden child’ and could do no wrong.

Our 2 were very close and they are now almost 50 and 52 yrs old, yes they grew apart, but now talk most days on the phone or text each other, we had lunch together yesterday in Bristol and they were chatting away, but they both lead totally different lives now.
This has been a difficult year for them both of them, but when each of them were ill and we were abroad, they travelled over 200 miles to help each other and I think that’s the main thing, that they are there for each other when they end to be.
I never had that and always wanted a sister!

I’m an only one and always felt the odd one out. I always asked for a sibling at Christmas but it never happened. My parents have been ill most of my adult life, so could have done with the emotional support if nothing else.
My DH thankfully has four siblings, we’re all close, so at least my own two children have had an extended family.

Regarding the care and worry of older parents... a friend with siblings said she thought it was easier to be an only in this situation. Nobody to be annoyed with and nobody to undo decisions made in their best interests.

I did briefly wish I had a sibling when Mum was dying - like Germanshepherdsmum This was when I discussed it with my friend. I haven't thought it since.

I certainly don't think it's a good reason to have more than one offspring!

I loved being an "only" and like Germanshepherdsmum felt that was "normal" - which it was, to me.

The noise of big families, lack of corners to curl up to read, lots of chaos. Boys in particular being annoying.. little privacy..
Best of all worlds as a young girl I thought... visit then come away!

I did have lots of friends, a "busy life" with the privilege of "activities" that might not have been possible if there had been several children. I had quite a lot of freedom too I think.

No cousins. Didn't miss them.

One of my adult children has an only daughter. But she has 10 cousins. Six relatively nearby. Only one close age-wise.

I was an only child, and have never regretted it. Both DF and DM had three siblings, so I had cousins I could relate to as a child. DCs are identical twins and very close, but I have known others who were not on speaking terms.

I never said I had a " lot to inherit" seems you jump to conclusions
BlueBelle.

Even if I had a lot to leave after my death my decision would be the
same . For the record I have not forgotten gifts to charity , despite it being small amounts.
Any way this is derailing the original thread which was not my intention.

Was an only child for 10 years. Loved it. Mum fell pregnant and told her partner that I wanted a sister. She was only two when I was expected to take care of her and she was stealing from the local greengrocer. She is still causing chaos everywhere. My son is an only child because of this. He’s lovely and his partner is an only too.

BlueBelle, I am far from materialistic! and don't have much , but what I do have will be divided equally between my children. If I had only one child then what little I have would go to that one child. It was not my intention to give the impression that I was a person with plenty!! Ican assure you that is not the case. I am sorry if I gave that impression.

It's not always a choice, though, as RosiesMaw has pointed out.

We are all different GSM that’s why I took issue with your rather sweeping statement of what you haven’t had you don’t miss
Goodness what a materialistic outlook shelfife ‘a bonus to inherit everything’, not everyone has a lot to inherit and my parents left their terraced house (all they had) to me and my three children, equally, and I m glad they did it that way.

FindingNemo, semi - widow you are not - no such thing! You sound a bit lonely, hope you are ok.

I am an only which I have always hated. My estranged DD is also an only with three children.

I have never had any relatives apart from my late parents who were controlling and my DH is in a nursing home.

I feel very isolated and someone referred to me as a semi-widow. Not sure if I like that!

I had four siblings and while it was lovely growing up with them it’s sad now as my three brothers have all died, none from old age.

I have 2 siblings and I am grateful for that. I am not the only one with memories of parents , family holidays, happy and sad times. I always wanted more than one child , fortunately my wish was granted, but if I had only been able to have one I would of course have cherished that child and accepted the situation. I know how lucky I am. If parents have one child that child will usually inherit everything - so a bonus there I think!

I made sure I had three children
You were lucky BlueBelle , my first died as a baby and even having the other 3 , all by elective C section making 4 sections in total was considered unwise

Sometimes nature decides and who is to say what is better?
One of my D’s has 3 children, one has 2 and one has just one having had a miscarriage in her early 40’s when their little boy was 3, she decided perhaps nature, or her body, was telling her something. Yes she would have liked him to have had siblings but now 7, he has cousins he is extremely close to (2 he sees every day), is very confident both with adults and other children and seems to have loads of good friends.
I remember the youngest of our 3 daughters in conversation with one of her friends (also 1 of 3) in the back of the car discussing the advantages and disadvantages of their older siblings being away at university and life as an “only child”, not realising I was listening.
In favour, they felt that mum and dad had more time for you, but against was precisely the same thing- you could not get away with anything because mum and dad knew what you were doing!
Pro’s and cons indeed

I have one sibling and may as well be an only as we rarely communicate.

We’re all different BlueBelle. I didn’t have the chance of more than one child.

No issues here either around being an only child. I have always been independent and don't consider I have missed out at all.

My sister-in-law didn’t like being an only, but she had very idealised views about relationships between siblings. She was surprised to discover that my brother and I pretty much ignored each other. He’s four years older than me, we never went to the same school or had any interests in common. I felt like an only child and people often thought I was

what you haven’t had you don’t miss
Oh I don’t agree at all GSM
I saw all my friends with brothers and sisters and really really wanted a sibling, I so much missed having a brother or sister all my childhood and just as much throughout adulthood it was lonely being an only, no one to love or hate, no one to laugh with or quarrel with, my mum was an only too so no cousins to speak of either some on my dads side but he was a very much younger than his siblings so those cousins were all much much older so I never knew them either
Just me, mum and Dad and Nan and grandad that’s all my childhood family consisted of
I made sure I had three children and no more onlys thankfully

As for looking after elderly parents, not all siblings are willing and able to help. My mother-in-law, one of four children, had no assistance from her brother or sisters when her widowed mother was in need of care.

My mother was an only child, so am I, so is my son and my grandchild will also be an only. It might have been helpful to have had a sibling when my parents died, but otherwise what you haven’t had you don’t miss. As has been said, not all siblings get on. We see ample evidence of that on GN. My son says he doesn’t feel that he’s missed out by being an only child, and of course he’s had all my attention and in material terms has had - and will inherit - far more than if he’d had a sibling.