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Grandparenting

Step grandpa

(22 Posts)
RD12 Wed 15-Nov-23 04:50:19

My new husband does not approve of my grand daughter sleeping g over once a week.

RD12 Wed 15-Nov-23 04:51:31

I posted here, but can’t see if it has posted correctly after I wrote a long message. Please let me know before I attempt to do so again.

BlueBelle Wed 15-Nov-23 05:13:40

Yes this has posted perfectly well

Your new husband sounds a big problem

Liz46 Wed 15-Nov-23 06:15:08

Is it your house?

I just don’t understand his attitude. My husband adores my grandchildren.

I was amazed that my daughter trusted him to look after her two tiny children on his own while we went to a family funeral.

BlueBelle Wed 15-Nov-23 07:09:05

Did you not know his attitude before you married him ?
Did he never encounter your grandchildren before this NEW husband became part of your life ?
Why doesn’t he approve?
What else doesn’t he approve of ?
Is he a jealous man ?
I m afraid he would not have become my husband if I couldn’t have this kind of contact with my family
Enormous red flags waving here

HowVeryDareYou2 Wed 15-Nov-23 07:44:24

How old is your granddaughter?
What are his reasons for not wanting her to stay?

Cadenza123 Wed 15-Nov-23 10:08:15

My grandchildren just accepted that they just had 3 grandads. In my DH eyes they are his grandchildren. They were quite old before they figured out who's who.

pascal30 Wed 15-Nov-23 10:13:53

Watch out with this issue, you might find it starting to extend into other areas of your life.. I would be very wary of someone who isn't inclusive of family members

Nannarose Wed 15-Nov-23 11:34:58

I realise that you did a longer post that didn't 'take'. I also wonder about his reasons.
He may, for instance feel that it is too much for you to cope with (and that may be reasonable or not!)
He may, if he is unused to small children (you don't say her age) feel out of his depth
He may come from a family where this is not normal and find it worrying (my DH had to work very hard at the 'ebb & flow' of family life that was normal to me)
And this may be a red or amber flag!

Hope this forum can help you

Germanshepherdsmum Wed 15-Nov-23 11:37:29

I don’t think we can comment helpfully without knowing more. Some sensible questions have been asked.

V3ra Wed 15-Nov-23 11:57:20

My mother-in-law remarried when our children were very young.
He wasn't keen on small children and was a very awkward house guest when they stayed at ours, eg expecting to watch a war film at Christmas and being rude about the Disney film.
We stood our ground though as we weren't having him spoil Christmas for the children, and I know my brother-in-law did the same the following year.
Fortunately they lived too far away for our children to stay with them on their own.

sodapop Wed 15-Nov-23 12:16:01

Definitely more information needed about this situation. We shouldn't jump to conclusions until we know the full story.
I don't think it helps posters who are distressed about something to tell them how well it all works for you.

Coconut Sat 18-Nov-23 11:38:04

From your very brief post, this is showing you total disrespect. Why would anyone want to stop you doing something that you enjoy. How dare he.

Cornishgreenhouse Sat 18-Nov-23 11:44:58

I’m so sorry, how difficult for you.

EEJit Sat 18-Nov-23 12:53:03

When I re-married and came in contact with Beloveds grandchildren I admit I was quite wary of getting to close to them, especially the girls. With all the stories going around at the time, 2000, of child abuse, I was worried if one of them took a dislike to me, they could come out with all kinds of stories.

I was lucky, we all got on fine, and still do. Now I'm simply treated like an ordinary granddad, even my suggestion that the elder ones use my name was turned down by them in favour granddad.

Maybe your husband has similar thought. Try talking to him.

Nannashirlz Sat 18-Nov-23 12:59:52

My ex daughter inlaw remarried new husband couldn’t except my son and us as part of my oldest granddaughter life my sons daughter or have time for her. Guess what 3yrs later they are now divorced like ex daughter inlaw said we are part of her family and not going anywhere except or not if he doesn’t except her I’m afraid blood is thicker than water

V3ra Sat 18-Nov-23 13:19:07

EEJit that had crossed my mind too...

HowVeryDareYou2 Sat 18-Nov-23 13:58:42

I noticed that the OP hasn't come back with any further information....

4allweknow Sat 18-Nov-23 15:38:23

Very short amount of info to give response on. Assuming your new husband did know about your GD staying over once a week then he should have either expressed his concern before now or he has to accept it's what you want. Do hope it's not turning into a controlling relationship.

Spencer2009 Sat 18-Nov-23 16:27:55

A red flag from me, any man that didn’t except my grandchildren would be out on his ear

glammanana Sat 18-Nov-23 16:37:57

Surely you would have known his feeling before you married him it seems very strange if he did not mention his feeling well before you got married.
He would be out of the front door before he had time to object if he was married to me.

Kowl Sun 14-Jan-24 15:25:05

My second husband has a grand-daughter. I'm really wary of intruding into her maternal and paternal grandmothers' space. I feel very anxious about the whole situation. Maybe your husband feels a bit like this. Maybe it's not about 'approval'. Maybe he doesn't want to talk about how he really feels or can't put it into words effectively. Maybe he worries about the responsibilty of having your grandchild staying overnight. Maybe something has been said or implied by another member of the family. I can't see the original post. I just think there's more going on in your husband's head possibly.