Is parent’s food restrictions rubbing off on grandchild?

I agree that you cant really do much about what your son and his wife decide to do for themselves, whether it is well proved or not, but think the more important thing is to show your grandchild a very matter of fact eating regime , by which I mean if she sees you cooking and eating a wide variety of food and that y ou offer her the same , with an assumption that she will try it . Then if she does not really like something or has some reaction to a specific food obviously she will not eat that again. But the point is to show that even if there are one or two things that may not suit someone that there are a great variety of good things to eat and it is worth trying new things. If she just sees meals at your house being served with very little fuss and discussion about the ingredients, and so that you can show the pleasure of eating a meal with others and being able to talk about non food matters I think this will be a better sort of balance to show her, without going against what her parents do or say. You can show that people can have different attitudes and behaviours about many things, so you might note that they get up at 7 o clock but you dont get up until 7.30am . That is simply a statement of your individual behaviours that suit your lives, no negative comment about either situation, So if food is seen as something you enjoy sharing with others and that the company is more of the focus than the actual food then I think it will help to be more relaxed about meal times. You can also go in for some slight subterfuge as I did when my son was young. Rather than have a major battle about it. He used to eat all sorts of vegetables etc and then suddenly didnt want any. I gave him a very small amount but he was beginning to get stressed and difficult, so I changed tactics - he was about 3 at the time - and said oh well if you dont want any vegetables you can have soup instead. He smiled and felt of course that he had won and was happy having soup for several weeks until he got a bit fed up with it. (Of course the soup was made by me with a great deal of vegetables in it!!) Later on he just went back to having vegetables by choice and for a quick lunch we often had jacket potatoes, which I always did partly in the microwave to cook quicker but had to be done in the oven to get the lovely skin. There was a lot that could go into a potato and it was a very warming and comforting lunch. We both still like them! So you could in advance of your granddaughter visiting think up some things such as home made soups that you could do ahead of time and then I have done things like go to the playing field with my grandson and taken a winter picnic with us - so home made soup in a thermos, or have a wide necked thermos so have even done some shin beef stew with lots of veg and some really fresh and good wholemeal bread and we have had it in soup bowls and eaten it with a spoon. Very good to sit in the car and warm up after being in the cold.

What triggered DS doing an online test? Has he followed up with medical tests? Some of those medical sites are sponsored by companies that sell supplement type foods, care is needed.
A child overhearing a conversation can pick up all sorts of ideas, rightly or wrongly. A short discusdion on what the testing means is needed.

Sadly these online tests are notoriously unreliable, as are many tests for Coeliac disease. I come from a family containing quite a few Coeliacs and have had two NHS tests, one positive and one negative.
Such a shame that the OP's son's feelings about food are affecting her granddaughter, it isn't healthy.

agree with Zues.

One of my adult children refused all bread cake doughnuts at 10mths old for 4or 5 months. Then ate them again no problem so I thought it was a toddler fad. But at 21 yrs old suffered severe stomach pains after eating bread cakes etc. Now cannot eat bread at all.
My other DC had an excema rash on her face when I laid her on the sofa as a baby. Then constant colds, tonsillitis ear infection chest infection until she was 3yrs old. At 15 she suddenly couldn't breath properly at DILs home after vacuuming. Diagnosed with severe cat allergy. When she was 3 yrs old our cat died so that explains how all the colds etc mysteriously disappeared.
That's my experience with allergy with it first appearing in early childhood

Zues

I think you should avoid the temptation to micromanage your middle-aged son’s parenting. Think of the facts. It helps to place things in perspective.

1. No matter what, his diet is his own business. He doesn’t need his mum to talk to him about it, or to talk to him about the way he speaks about it.
2. Your granddaughter’s eating is the purview of her own mum and dad. Would you appreciate someone lecturing you on the way you parent? This is essentially what you will be doing. Yes, you love them. I am sure they know this. But even grandparents must know when to intervene and when to stay quiet.
3. Your concerns for your granddaughter’s eating as a result of her dad’s diet are all hypothetical right now. There is a bit of projection here. It’s important to separate what is a genuine, concurrent problem from what your own personal fears are.
5. Your son and his daughter will be just fine whether you have a chat with him about your personal concerns or not. You have to trust that at some point.

We are always parents and it can be hard to distinguish when we must step aside and let these adults live. This is one of those things where it’s fine to have a concern, but maybe filter whether you specifically need to swoop in and “save” them from the hypothetical “problems” you are thinking about.

^^ this

I think you should avoid the temptation to micromanage your middle-aged son’s parenting. Think of the facts. It helps to place things in perspective.

1. No matter what, his diet is his own business. He doesn’t need his mum to talk to him about it, or to talk to him about the way he speaks about it.
2. Your granddaughter’s eating is the purview of her own mum and dad. Would you appreciate someone lecturing you on the way you parent? This is essentially what you will be doing. Yes, you love them. I am sure they know this. But even grandparents must know when to intervene and when to stay quiet.
3. Your concerns for your granddaughter’s eating as a result of her dad’s diet are all hypothetical right now. There is a bit of projection here. It’s important to separate what is a genuine, concurrent problem from what your own personal fears are.
5. Your son and his daughter will be just fine whether you have a chat with him about your personal concerns or not. You have to trust that at some point.

We are always parents and it can be hard to distinguish when we must step aside and let these adults live. This is one of those things where it’s fine to have a concern, but maybe filter whether you specifically need to swoop in and “save” them from the hypothetical “problems” you are thinking about.

I know this is boring, but at risk to repetition, the FODMAP diet is free, easy, and a medically approved way to determine food sensitivities.

You merely follow the diet for several months - end result you know sensitivities. Lots of good information (quite helpful for the dietary specialist) if you choose to follow through with medical consults.

"The low FODMAP diet was developed by scientists at Monash University in Australia and has been adapted for the UK by researchers at Kings College, London. The diet is for people with IBS and other specific digestive issues who may find eliminating certain foods helps to alleviate some or all of their symptoms."

I think at 8 it’s worth explaining to her why he is restricting some foods. Mine has known since about that age as to why there are certain foods I don’t eat and why. And she’s also known about anorexia since she was about 4 as we have close relatives who suffer from it and she asked why they are like they are.

When I was little my parents would have been told"Little pigs have big ears", if I was listening to anything I say it now toDD's. Children also watch what you are eating and I'm not a great lover of vegetables but always put a good if small in number selection on my plate.
I tell my DDs to watch what they are saying or doing. I have been asked would mummy eat this and always say when she was your age she had even more . I tell them to try everything and leave it if they don't like it. No sliming in my house although fatty me and thinny Dh do live there.

It seems he isn’t saying that he has physical symptoms of intolerances, just that he thinks avoiding these foods would make his skin look better. My daughter in law was worryingly ill before being diagnosed with coeliac disease and a friend has a genuine dairy intolerance - she suffers badly with stomach upsets if she eats any food containing dairy products. If he has concerns about his skin he would be better off consulting a dermatologist than self-diagnosing through online tests. And yes, the child will be taking all this in and may end up with an eating disorder.

NOT glucose
Autocorrect - it should be GLUTEN of course.

vampirequeen

As a matter of interest...well actually I'm being nosy....did your son have blood tests or just answer a questionnaire (is that spelled correctly?)? If blood tests show he has allergies or intolerances then he needs to see his GP. If he just answered a questionnaire then it's probably a load of rubbish.

Yes, I agree.

If he has intolerances that is one thing but if he is coeliac then that is only diagnosed by a blood test - and it will not show up in a blood test if you have avoided eating gluten.

Being coeliac is not an intolerance, it is an auto-immune disorder. However, some people can be intolerant to glucose and there is so much of it in foodstuffs today.

Adjustments can be made but they must ensure that their daughter eats a balanced diet suitable for a child of that age.

I am wondering whether the on line test is the one using a hair as the sample. I have doubts about the reliability of the procedure. 5 members of my family did it and all came back with supposed intolerances which have made catering for them complicated. The substances they avoid between them are: milk, chicken, pork/bacon, gluten and eggs, two of the skinny grown-up boys only wanting certain beige foods since young.

Gluten, lactose, and egg intolerance are serious matters. Perhaps you could ask if he intends on having testing?

The 3 intolerance you list are common and are actually quite easy to self-test. The FODMAP diet is an easy reliable self-test (medically approved).

Gluten is easy to avoid, other flours apart from wheat exist. Eggs are, in many cases, a cooked/not cooked white issue, and calcium fortified non-dairy (oat, almond, rice milk) are good substitutes.

Perhaps charting and counting nutrients might help him?

Of course your GD is observing his diet, perhaps as allergies run in families, she suffers from same ingredients and needs help too?

As a matter of interest...well actually I'm being nosy....did your son have blood tests or just answer a questionnaire (is that spelled correctly?)? If blood tests show he has allergies or intolerances then he needs to see his GP. If he just answered a questionnaire then it's probably a load of rubbish.

Thankyou for your reply. Yes it isn’t just son, but his wife too, who I guess is being supportive of her husband but maybe inadvertently influencing GD. I will try to have a quiet word when he is by himself. See what happens!

Good posts here.

He himself is self diagnosing. Using Dr Google. Not the best idea in itself.

Lyndy, I fully understood your concerns! I would feel exactly the same , children take everything in! Perhaps a quiet word in your son's ear about the danger of discussing food exclusions in ear shot of his daughter. Children are so open to suggestion. Good luck.

I suspect your DS is also a fussy eater or has had issues around food for some time that have already transferred to his daughter.

What you can do about it, I do not know. Perhaps next time he talks about this you could say that while food intolerances are a problem, he must make sure he has a good balanced eating pattern with plenty of food and vegetables in it. You also might comment that he will need to make sure he replaces the calcium he would otherwise consume in dairy products with adequate calcium from other foodstuffs, unless he wants to end up with osteoporosis.

The last comment is said with feeling. I am mildly lacto intolerant. I can eat cheese, the harder the better, but milk, yoghourt, cottage cheese all make me throw up or leave me with a badly stomach if I consume them - and have done since I was a toddler. I thought my consumption of cheese more than replaced the lack of milk etc in my diet, but I have just been diagnosed with osteoporosis.

The best thing to do is put your son's food concerns within a healthy eating context when he mentions them in front of his daughter.

I had a similar experience with my granddaughter who was about 7 or 8 (20 now) at the time. When she sat down to dinner, she asked “how many calories is this?”- her other Grandma is very slim and calorie conscious, so I knew where she got that from. And btw, my reply was, “ over here, Nan doesn’t count calories”