advice please

10 ways to connect with your pre-teen and teenage grandchildren.

1. If they have a mobile phone, learn their preferred method of communication and what they look at on sites such as Instagram, Youtube or TikTok. Share things they are interested in, while adding your own note to them. Call them regularly for a quick catch up.

2. Take them out for a pizza or teach them how to make pizza.

3. Make a digital family history collage with pictures of your parents, their parents as children, them as babies. You could physically create the collage/family tree then photograph it, save it and share it with them via email or cloud storage.

4. Get them to teach you how to play one of their video games. Get snacks and drinks for you to share while you enjoy the game.

5. Schedule a regular family film night, streaming a film they enjoy and providing popcorn and fizzy drinks.

6. Do they watch/play sport? Go with them to watch a game or to watch them play.

7. Always find something to praise them about, but be specific. Not 'you look great,' but 'I love the way you have done your eye make up. Could you teach me?' Not 'well done.' but 'your essay is so interesting I can tell you put a lot of time and effort into it.'

8. Make them laugh. Learn some jokes. Share some funny anecdotes or online YouTube shorts or pictures.

9. Offer to help them with something (fixing their bike, maths homework, sorting their room, choosing a present for Mum or Dad, whatever.)

10. Don't judge them. Tell them you love them. Even if they brush it off, they will hear it and treasure it.

Hello Rugrats
starting a thread
If I wanted to start a thread in this same Grandparenting section of the forum you are in now I'd scroll up to the top of this thread where it says the name of the person who started this one... and just above - on the right - is a small white arrow in a maroon circle. If you click the arrow a drop-down menu opens and one option is "start a new discussion"
This will allow you to start a new discussion in this section of the website.

Obviously if you want to start a thread elsewhere (say under "Health") you can still use the drop down arrow but need to select it by going into the "Forums" area first.

Hope this helps.

sorry if i've annoyed anyone. I don't know how to start my own page ☹️

3,4 and 5

Children benefit so much if they can continue to see grandparents and other members of their families when everything else in their world has changed. Can you travel to see them? Why won’t your son bring them to you? He’s not putting their welfare first at all. Your little grandson with ADHD particularly needs normal relationships to continue because children with ADHD often suffer from anxiety too. And of course your granddaughter needs you too.

Yes, it’s confusing. An older thread resurrected by Rugrats who has been advised to start a new one. Those not reading the whole thread don’t realize.

Two different people posting under the same thread has given me a headache. Please post your own thread instead of hi- jacking someone elses.

Rugrats read the support thread on the estrangement forum. You will find you are not alone .

When our son and his partner separated she would change contact at short notice. She would ring and say bring child home early when child was having a sleepover with dad.. Child was 3 at this time. We saw him when dad had him which was sporadic. At every opportunity d's did the 2 hour round trip to pick him up and again to return him. Best thing ever was our son taking it to court to have access defined. She then got more difficult and used all sorts of delaying tactics.
When it eventually got to court the judge found for our son in most ways. She asked for full custody, judge refused and gave 50/50. It cost £1700 including a barrister for court. We paid the bill and ds paid us back at £100 per month. That was 4 years ago and there have been no major issues since. The best £1700 we ever laid out. We see our dgs who is now 7 every other weekend for Sunday dinner and his two cousins usually visit as well. Lots of football in the back garden.I

My advice -take it to court. Get a court order.

so your son needs to get courts involved, to assert his right to contact with his child.
doesn't he ?

petra

I think the OP just might have sorted her problem.
*She asked for advice *In December 2023*

@petra

I think people are responding to a new poster, Rugrats, who has a similar problem - although it would be better for her to start a new thread to avoid confusion with the OP.

Rugrats

Then your son needs to apply to court for contact with his children. How old are the kids?

my son can't see them either. There's no reason behind her decision and by rights she isn't supposed to be stopping any of us as no courts or anything is involved. I just like some advice what to put in a letter to her ☹️

petra I suppose she may have - but may still be struggling. She needs to come back maybe...

I think the OP just might have sorted her problem.
She asked for advice *In December 2023

Can the granddaughter be put on atrain by dad and met by you?

Can you find a game you can play online with him?

Germanshepherdsmum

Yes, at 12 and 10 I expect the grandchildren have activities and friends who are much more exciting than grandparents. That’s life.

Yes as I am finding out with a 11 year old Grandson. I have had to back off and accept this. Its obvious he has more in common with his friends.

Rugrats

Advice please. My grandchildren's mum as stopped me from seeing my grandchildren. I was seeing them daily and having them over at weekends for sleep overs. Mum is using the kids as a weapon as she originally said she'd never stop me seeing them. Then with her mothers influence, she as said i can't see them and there's no reason behind it. I have been advised to write a letter to my grandchildren's mum asking her for me to see them and have sleep overs again. But i don't know how to start the letter and what to put in it...Please if anyone can help me as i'm extremely distraught. I don't know what else i can do 😭😭😭

It’s unlikely you’re gonna keep seeeing then daily. That’s not realistic. Nor may be sleepovers if she’s no longer wanting it they aren’t your children. Why are you not seeing them on your sons time? It’s not realistic to expect t he ex to give up her time for his mum to see them.

Rugrats

Advice please. My grandchildren's mum as stopped me from seeing my grandchildren. I was seeing them daily and having them over at weekends for sleep overs. Mum is using the kids as a weapon as she originally said she'd never stop me seeing them. Then with her mothers influence, she as said i can't see them and there's no reason behind it. I have been advised to write a letter to my grandchildren's mum asking her for me to see them and have sleep overs again. But i don't know how to start the letter and what to put in it...Please if anyone can help me as i'm extremely distraught. I don't know what else i can do 😭😭😭

Rugrats - it might be better to start your own thread rather than posting on an existing one.

I was wondering where your son is in this situation? Can you not see the children during his parenting time?

Advice please. My grandchildren's mum as stopped me from seeing my grandchildren. I was seeing them daily and having them over at weekends for sleep overs. Mum is using the kids as a weapon as she originally said she'd never stop me seeing them. Then with her mothers influence, she as said i can't see them and there's no reason behind it. I have been advised to write a letter to my grandchildren's mum asking her for me to see them and have sleep overs again. But i don't know how to start the letter and what to put in it...Please if anyone can help me as i'm extremely distraught. I don't know what else i can do 😭😭😭

Yes, at 12 and 10 I expect the grandchildren have activities and friends who are much more exciting than grandparents. That’s life.

"but he’s reluctant to make the journey himself "

This is a red flag to me. Your son needs to put his kids first, public transport or not

I would not expect the ex partner to cover this gap for him

How is your son making this breakup easier for the kids?

You say you would love to see more of them - compared to pre-breakup? Beware of your expectations

The gc are getting older and they will want to meet their friends instead of grandparents

The issue is your son here. He is the bridge to your gc

Can you watch football on the tv with him or get him to teach you a computer game kids often like to think they are one up on grandma or pa and need to teach them something
I know you say he doesn’t like reading but there’s a lot of well known footballers written kids books could that be a way in to reading Does he like crafts you could make a football collage or make some cakes ( getting the cooking bit in) in the shape of his favourite computer game character or a football etc

It’s so difficult and it sounds as though your son is hurting and the split may not have been instigated by him. He needs to understand that his children must be spared as much unhappiness as possible.
I wish you good luck, it sounds as though it maybe an uphill struggle.