still having bonding issues with grand daughter

I had the same with my grandaughter. Just as we had a breakthrough, Covid hit and I couldn't build on it. When Lockdown was over, we had to start again. She is 4 now and she tells me how much she loves me. I didn't do anything special but one day it just clicked. I am sure it will for you too. Please don't take it too much to heart, she is still very young and has many years yet to build up a relationship with you.

As to the Aunty sending the video, I doubt she was trying to hurt you, she was probably just thinking about how cute your grandaughter is.

Your grandaughter is too young to understand how hurt you feel but the fact your step-daughter is trying to turn this around speaks volumes for your relationship with her. I think if you keep up that relationship, your grandaughter will follow suit eventually.

I can understand you being upset sharke but you really do need to put this idea of bonding with your GD out of your mind, as it must be spoiling the time that you do get to spend with her.

If her mum is aware how you feel than maybe your GD's picked up on something too.

Try and revise your expectations of what your relationship with any GC might be. You talk of when your son has a child and bonding with that GC. If your expectations are too great, you could end up feeling hurt and disappointed with that GP/GC relationship too.

Do, please, give it time.

I realise it is hard for you, but do, please, leave it to the child. If you (and her mum) try too hard, you will only make things worse.

It used to be said that the first man a little girl falls for is Daddy or Grandpa, and that a good healthy relationship with these two, or just one of them, at the age of eighteen months makes it possible for the grown woman to have good relationships with men.

If a child, or a cat, for that matter, doesn't want to come to you, pretend you don't notice and let her be - she will come one day, when she needs and wants to.

Right now she has a loving mum and a loving auntie, she probably doesn't need more close female friendships right now. But she will, one day.

you are expecting too much of a young child.

you already have the most important piece in this puzzle.. a really good relationship with your stepdaughter.. everything else will click into place..

From the word go I was treated differently by my step son and his wife when they had a baby. She was my husband’s first and only blood grandchild. Her parents referred to him as Grandad, but me as Granny Cabbie, so I think they were laying the foundations for a different kind of relationship. I wonder if the same could be happening in your family?

At 18 months it could have been anything, too loud,too quiet, wrong smell or facial expression, since then the child has probably picked up on your tension and knows she feel fine with her grandfather.

Next time she comes to your house be in a different room playing with something, she should come to see what you are doing, carry on with the activity without being over enthusiastic and you may find her joining in.

She is only 18 months old. It is not appropriate for you to be so broken-hearted over this. Let it wash by - your turn will come.

I do so sympathise, sharke61, because my Gdd2 is so unlike her two elder siblings. They were both very loving from the time they were able to show such feelings, always keen for cuddles. They were always happy to be left with me, while the youngest, by contrast would scream for mummy or daddy and reject cuddles - I did find it hurtful. And it did make life difficult when I was needed for babysitting.

Now she’s nearly 4, the situation has improved quite a lot but she’s still not ‘cuddly’ or invariably happy to see me. As dd has always said, though, it’s not just me - she’s just got a completely different personality from the other two.

It will make no difference to the child that you are step grandma so just try not to take it all so seriously, as others have suggested

Cabbie21

From the word go I was treated differently by my step son and his wife when they had a baby. She was my husband’s first and only blood grandchild. Her parents referred to him as Grandad, but me as Granny Cabbie, so I think they were laying the foundations for a different kind of relationship. I wonder if the same could be happening in your family?

My step-grandchildren all call me "Nanny X" and it has made absolutely no difference to our relationships that I am not blood related. It is just so they know which Nanny their parents are talking about. If you have a different relationship with your step-grandchildren, it may be that you have inadvertently coloured the relationship by seeing it as something different.

As a child I was never a "cuddly cuddly" individual and used to push people away if they got too close. I did not meet my grandparents until I was 4 (family split) and immediately bonded with them. My grandfather was very affectionate and I can always remember sitting on his knee. My grandmother by contrast was not a "touchy feely" person but I bonded very strongly with her for different reasons. She always asked about my school work and taught me skills like embroidery and crochet as I grew older.

I really think you have to give your grandaughter time. Things could alter in the next few years but not if you push too hard.

Give it time and wait and see the more we hope for or expect something the more it hurts if it doesn’t happen just relax and don’t try at all if it happens it happens stop being heart broken please she’s happy healthy and will probably come to you in time

I think you will bond much more easily if you can get some time alone with her. Would it be possible for your husband to go out and you babysit, maybe once a month or whatever you can manage? Then you can play some Orchard games with her (they're great for little ones) or do some drawing, play dollies, or even watch some children's TV and talk about what you're watching. Or anything you could do together and talk at the same time. That will quickly bond you but don't force it. If she starts crying just change the subject and say 'come on, let's play a game'. Distraction techniques always work. I have always enjoyed alone time with my granddaughter and she is 8 years now and very loving. I don't do anything amazing, I just talk to her while we do things, and when she's alone with me she responds so well.

You need to relax, she feels your anxiety

Even young kids do this to their own parents

This has been going on for more than 6 months and please grasp this - your expectations are too much responsibility for a young child.
Your happiness is not on her shoulders

As an adult, you are the one who can adjust and adapt.
The child cannot.

What Hithere said.

This is a toddler; she has no empathy (and won’t for a few years) and no concept of other people except as there to meet her needs, not their own. In fact, she should never be expected to meet your needs.

Just back off a bit emotionally and possibly physically, if you are often trying to pick her up, or wanting her to come to/with you.

Chestnut

I think you will bond much more easily if you can get some time alone with her. Would it be possible for your husband to go out and you babysit, maybe once a month or whatever you can manage? Then you can play some Orchard games with her (they're great for little ones) or do some drawing, play dollies, or even watch some children's TV and talk about what you're watching. Or anything you could do together and talk at the same time. That will quickly bond you but don't force it. If she starts crying just change the subject and say 'come on, let's play a game'. Distraction techniques always work. I have always enjoyed alone time with my granddaughter and she is 8 years now and very loving. I don't do anything amazing, I just talk to her while we do things, and when she's alone with me she responds so well.

I should have added that she doesn't respond in the same way towards me when the family are there. Her granddad is someone she laughs with and plays silly games with, whereas I am someone she talks to and plays imaginary games with. You can't do both at the same time. So that's why it is nice to be alone with her sometimes. Although she is still very young, so you have plenty of time for bonding.

I must be totally different. I would not expect any step child or step grandchild to bond with me in the same way as with their real father or grandfather. I am a step-parent and step-grandmother but I let my DH have the limelight when the children are around. I am fond of them all but I do not feel the same for them as my own flesh and blood. I am nice and friendly towards them all but am not particularly concerned as to how they think of me. Perhaps I'm odd.

I think the word "bonding" is wildly over used. Just like "boundaries". When did grandparents start to bond with grandchildren. I'd never heard of the expression or concept until I starting reading Mumsnet. If my son (now 46) used to run away from my mother saying he wanted grandad, my mum would just shrug her shoulders and tell him to get on with it!

Honestly this is less a problem
Of “bonding”
And much more a problem I’d wildly unrealistic expectations about a toddler meeting some emotional
Need of yours op. She’s one , she likes her granddad. How adorable and wonderful. Being heartbroken over the implied rejection of a one year old
Is just silly.

This is an 18 month old. Far too much pressure about her meeting your expectations of a relationship, imo. You’re not being fair to yourself or her by speculating it’s about DNA or thinking things are going to be as they are forever.

My kids? Daddy addicts. I used to joke that it was Mommy for maintenance, Daddy for fun. But we have great relationships with them, nobody’s left out in the cold.

Your granddaughter is still very little. Far too early to judge a lifetime relationship on.

Thanks everyone one for you honest feedback. Yes, probably being silly and need to shrug it off. Try to not be so sensitive.