Just wanted some advice. I have one DS who is married with children. Whilst we are comfortable, my DIL comes from a much richer and more upper class family. My son is incredibly bright, going to Oxford and has a really well paid good career. He married a lovely girl who he met there who is always very polite and welcoming but there has always been an undercurrent of knowing that we are not the normal type of people she is used to. She isn’t snobby or rude and is welcoming but it’s just an unacknowledged obvious thing.
Her family are much richer then ours, her father is incredibly successful (they own 5 houses) and are obviously very generous with the grandchildren which we are not able to be. They are also very generous with ds/DIL which we can’t be. For example I found out her parents give her £5000 as a gift to buy something nice for Christmas. Again they are never anything but polite to us, but it’s clear that we aren’t their sort of people.
My grandchildren are just so different to us, they have been sent to private school and whilst they do seem to love us, are quite clearly much closer to her family. Over Christmas I used the words settee and lounge and was corrected by my GD, my DIL winced with embarrassment as she obviously wants me to feel welcome but obviously my GC are being taught not to use ‘lower-class’ words like us. Another example is stockings. We still do stockings for our children (2) which are cheap and cheerful, but I recently found out that when my DS has Christmas with his in laws they do him a stocking with really nice presents. Now I feel like it was rude for me not to do one for my DIL, but she wouldn’t want our cheap one anyway. When we’ve bought her presents in the past she’s always been very polite but they don’t get used. For example we bought her a footstool we thought she would like, but DS said we shouldn’t have as she is very into interiors and likes to pick everything herself. I’ve only seen it used once and obviously that was to be polite.
I probably sound jealous and of course it would be nice to have more money, but I think it boils down to knowing in my heart we will never measure up to her family in generosity and that they are already so much closer. It doesn’t help we are the ‘paternal grandparents’.
Am very proud of my DS for moving on up in the world and we have a great relationship, but am I just destined to be a poor relation and is there anything I can do.
The word posh is not dreadful. This is my new posh china tea cup. There is nothing dreadul about it being called posh. I could use other words but why when posh describes it exactly, especially when it's compared to what we were drinking china tea from before, which vessels were completely adequate but definitely not posh.
Even when posh is used as a slur, it's not the word that is the problem.
I am no longer a solicitor DAR. I am a retired solicitor. I am not going to engage with you. It is futile.
daisyannereturns... I think you are just hurting yourself by continuing this discussion... it's not worth it..
You're a solicitor Germanshepherdsmum albeit not in this area. Where exactly have I attacked Marydoll. Not where you chose to think I have, but where have my words attacked her?
PamelaJ1
I expect the OP has given up but just in case….. my mum and dad had a Lancashire accent, I grew up elsewhere so and then have lived all over the U.K. so never picked up an accent from any particular area. So I sound posh. I am certainly not any posher than my sister who lives in Lancashire so says bath whilst I say baaath.
I shouldn’t think it’s an issue with your DinL, if your grandchildren are used to using the word sofa then it’s not surprising that she picked up on it, she didn’t mean anything by it.
We helped our DD and SinL to buy a house whilst his parents couldn’t contribute. We certainly didn’t think any less of them.
I hope they didn’t think we did.
Just relax and be yourself. They love you.
The word POSH is dreadful, is it complimentary or derogatory?
Why not well spoken, affluent, privileged, cultured?
Please posters before typing this hideous word think of an alternative!
Marydoll’s friends here are genuine, not ‘so called “friends “‘. They have shown her support in the face of an unwarranted attack on her integrity. Why on earth must you continue this? However long does it take you to pick through the bones of pages of posts to post yet again in an attempt to justify yourself? Has anyone shown you one iota of support? Marydoll’s friends are interested only in supporting her - some of us know exactly how it feels to be singled out for your attack du jour.
Daisy Anne has accused me of all sorts of nonsense MayDoll
No, I haven't.
You objected to my initial post, but I wonder if you actually read it.
My first line was a modified agreement.
Education can indeed change circumstances Marydoll but you are still the same person.
Please tell me what the problem is with that. I agreed with you.
The second sentence was Your "deprived background" and your description of it would not make you an inverted snob* Again, I agree with what you told us.
The * related to the definition of "inverted snob", to which I added ^It wouldn't be what someone said about themselves, but what they said about others that might lead someone to reach that conclusion Again a definition with no suggestion that is what you did. Simply saying that is when a description of the past becomes inverted snobbery.
That's it! That's all I said in my first post. You then said you didn't understand what I meant (?)
The conversation went off on to several people offering belittling comments about napkins and drawing rooms, etc.
M0nica suggested It is usually poorer people who get all embarrassed around richer people and decide unilaterally and without aany evidence that the wealthier person is looking down on them.
No one objected.
I suggest, in a general reply about "drawing-room", that ... this just looks like one very large emotional chip on your shoulder.
This was after a post from Joseann saying
There is nothing wrong with the word. It's weird in the sense that it is unusual and out of the ordinary these days, even for posh people!
You replied: This all getting a bit silly and personal D,A. You appear to have misinterpretated what some of us have posted.
As if the petty conversations about napkins and drawing rooms were not, already, silly and intended to be personal. Or are you saying that wasn't the posters intention?
As you had said you didn't understand my post - which I read as being upset I had not given you the support you desired, I explained about only hearing one side and feeling that, in that case, it was wrong to assume anything.
And since then every one of your so-called "friends" has done you no favours (although you seem pleased) by continuing to tell me what to think and what to say and prolonging the agony of this thread.
It just happened to be your turn in the barrel, Marydoll.
You're not alone 🙂
Thank you both for your kindness. The nicer side of GN.
Me too. I hope you’re ok, Marydoll, and that you have taken none of this to heart. I’m sure that nobody thinks ill of you as a result of the strange turn this thread took. Happy New Year 
Don’t let it upset you Marydoll. I know what it’s like to be on the receiving end too. Not pleasant.
I thought if I withdrew, rather than refute DaisyAnne's personal and untruthful comments on me, things would settle down.
I made a single comment about being accused of being an 'inverted snobs, and Daisy Anne has accused me of all sorts of nonsense.
Unfortunately, I have had no option, but to report her posts to GNHQ. Something I have never done in years.
What an unpleasant start to the year.
Can I just say that in a lot of situations like this humour can be a great help.
We gave an ongoing family dispute over dinner v tea. My DH is from NZ
Overall, my great grandfather was born in a work house in South London so we have gone up in the world.
Then I remember Mozart was buried in a paupers grave.
Hmm, class and status in modern Britain. Might write a book about it.
I expect the OP has given up but just in case….. my mum and dad had a Lancashire accent, I grew up elsewhere so and then have lived all over the U.K. so never picked up an accent from any particular area. So I sound posh. I am certainly not any posher than my sister who lives in Lancashire so says bath whilst I say baaath.
I shouldn’t think it’s an issue with your DinL, if your grandchildren are used to using the word sofa then it’s not surprising that she picked up on it, she didn’t mean anything by it.
We helped our DD and SinL to buy a house whilst his parents couldn’t contribute. We certainly didn’t think any less of them.
I hope they didn’t think we did.
Just relax and be yourself. They love you.
There was no need for your latest post DAR. FFS just let it go and stop saying you are only replying to posts. You decided to launch an attack on Marydoll for no good reason and others have defended her. If you want these posts to stop, just stop posting.
So you feel the need to come on to page 8 of this thread, Nansnet and have your opinion heard. So do I if mine is being attacked. You tell us you don't even know what was said but feel the need to voice yet another attack on my right to hold the opinion that hearing only one side of what happened to one member is unfair to the other member and does not allow a proper conclusion to be drawn and that a "thread about a thread" is against GNHQ rules, or always has been.
Marydoll's comment did not happen until page 4 of this thread. My reply wasn't until page 5. The OP had received a great deal of advice by then. Marydoll's post, not my reply, took the thread away from the OP and made it about her grievance.
I want these posts to stop. I don't enjoy having my opinions attacked time after time by the small group on here. They must, by now, know my opinion and the facts surrounding Marydoll's renewed complaint. I repeat it each time.
About half a dozen people are continuing this. I am simply replying. If you wanted it to stop, why oh why bring it up again? Why not just give the OP your advice?
I suggested this was not a genuine post and I’m fairly sure that is the case.
OP has not responded which is always a red flag.
Lets put this to bed now.
I saw this post a few days ago and finally had chance to come back today to see what helpful advice had been offered by others.
What a shame that the thread has been hijacked by pages of nonsense bickering.
I can't even remember what Marydoll's comment was that caused someone to get their knickers in such a twist, so I'm sure no one else is particularly bothered about it either. All it has succeeded in doing is adding several unhelpful pages to the thread, which means less people have been back to offer the OP any helpful advice.
On that note, it would be nice if people could get back to offering the OP any helpful advice regarding the situation that she's obviously a little concerned about.
My take on this is that the OP seems to have a good relationship with her DiL, and her grandchildren, and I see no reason why she should feel inferior to the other in-laws just because they are wealthy. It doesn't mean they are better people. Just be yourself, and enjoy the relationship that you already have with them. It may be different to the relationship that the other in-laws have with your DS & DiL, and indeed with your grandchildren. We are all different, and thank goodness we are not all the same!
Just as an aside, my two sets of grandparents were completely different. They came from different backgrounds, and one set were far wealthier than the others. However, as a child growing up, I never noticed any difference between them. They were all just my lovely grandparents who I loved very much, equally, and they loved me. That's what's important. Not how wealthy, posh or well-educated they are.
So, I say to the OP, stop feeling inferior, and just be yourself!
if had if you had
Marydoll
I wouldn't waste my time reporting this.. It is better that everyone sees the nonsense in its entirety.
I will not post again, even if the harassment continues. Total waste of everyone's time.
Thank you to those who have supported me.
If had stopped stop the attacks I would have had nothing to reply to. All my posts have been in reply to others.
Marydoll
Mountain out of a molehill!
Why would anyone get so wound out, over a comment I made about something that happened to me many years ago, then lecture me into the bargain, about what I want?
It wasn't intended to generate a discussion. You are the one, who is perpetuating the nonsense. It is not a thread about a thread.
You can repeat all you like DAR, it is falling onmydeaf ears.
Yet another who has to continue. I'm am strongly reminded of the boys in Lord Of The Flies. You have someone in your sights and you can't stop.
None of this will change my mind. In fact your insistance, that one way or another you will make me say something I don't agree with, now makes me feel you may have treated your original victim even worse than I first thought.
None of your posts convince me of the lack of bias others are so sure of and that, in my very first post, I accepted.
Hello - WHO?
You have been banging on for I don’t know how many pages.
Cui bono?
RosiesMaw
@ DAR I’m very unclear as to what this (for want of a better word) spat has to do with OP and her imagined dilemma.
So if it is not directly relevant, what purpose does it serve?
It doesn't. So why are you continuing to bring it back up?
Germanshepherdsmum
I am more than happy to accept what Marydoll says. She is a much respected poster, not given to bias or telling untruths.
I didn't, at any point, say that she was. But she accused another GNetter who can't reply or has chosen not to carry on with the post.
Callistemon21
^I don't know how many times you expect me to repeat this^
No, please don't .....
You do know you can stop the attacks, don't you. I'm only replying to others posts.
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