DIL posh family - advice needed

Franbern

Why should anyone need or own five houses??? Does he rent them out or what? Strange different peoples attitudes. If any of my lovely AC had gone out or settled down with someone whose dad owned more than the house he lived in, they would be very embarrased about it.

What the OP states is pure inverted snobbery. Most people with 'loads of money' are not usually very nice people.

Now that is inverted snobbery.

Franbern what a sweeping and unprovable statement. In following some of my interests I have met a number of wealthy people and they have been as pleasant and as nice as any other group of people.

I think whether people appear pleasant or not depends as much on both individuals as the wealthier of the two.

I always assume that the people I meet, rich or poor, are inherently pleasant people and will accept me as I am as I accept them, and I am rarely disappointed.

I think it's about not making money some sort of god. Rich people do it all the time. Hence Kirsty Allsop's programme about crafting and Christmas, because it isn't always the cost of something, the effort, the thought and the time put into it mean more. Unfortunately society in general insists on making money of most importance. It is something which makes life easier, but it shouldn't make anyone feel inferior. The ability to make money is not necessarily an indication of a life well lived.

Two sayings come to mind can't remember who said them
1. "The rich are different". and the reply "Yes they have more money"
2. "She knows the price of everything and the value of nothing"

If you can help your DIL teach your GCs some values, and not just the price of things, you will be doing more for her, and them, than all the expensive gifts they are given

I'm unsure what you are implying, Daisy Anne by, it wouldn't be what someone said about themselves, but what they said about others that might lead someone to reach that conclusion..

I was commenting on the the fact that education is a route out of poverty and describing my own circumstances, when the poster attacked me.
That is why my passion was helping pupils overcome barriers to learning.
I would never dream of making a personal comment about a person's circumstances nor social status.

You can only be yourself! And be proud of yourself, we’re all different and come from different backgrounds
Be content and happy, as you’ve raised a great son who your perhaps more privileged background DIL loves.
It’s also good for your grandchildren to stay grounded and accept we’re all different too.

I am from a working class background and talk with a regional accent but live in a county far from where I was raised -as does my husband. 'Some' people do assume you are uneducated and it is actually quite obvious. I personally take no notice but it is ridiculous to suggest it doesn't happen.

OP, the words you used were fine. As your DIL cringed I imagine she will have spoken to your granddaughter about it. As others have said, be yourself. They obviously love you

Education can indeed change circumstances Marydoll but you are still the same person.

Your "deprived background" and your description of it would not make you an inverted snob*. It wouldn't be what someone said about themselves, but what they said about others that might lead someone to reach that conclusion.

*A person who appears to despise anything associated with wealth or social status, while at the same time elevating those things associated with lack of wealth and social position.

Why should anyone need or own five houses??? Does he rent them out or what? Strange different peoples attitudes. If any of my lovely AC had gone out or settled down with someone whose dad owned more than the house he lived in, they would be very embarrased about it.

What the OP states is pure inverted snobbery. Most people with 'loads of money' are not usually very nice people.

The point I had actually been trying to make is that education can change your circumstances.

Yes Marydoll that’s more or less what’s being said in this article.

www.aol.co.uk/julian-fellowes-tiktok-not-defeat-110513107.html

I think you should be grateful that you have a DiL who makes you so welcome . Just buy edible gifts or notice which brands of scent they use . Your DiL sounds lovely. There are such a lot of split and estranged families now you're very lucky indeed.

MerylStreep I always thought Southend was a posh area. Just goes to show! 🤣

Be proud of who you are, and what you’ve achieved! You sound to have raised a wonderful son, who went to Oxford University (no mean feat), is successful and … wants to welcome you to his home - another success. Don’t worry about what his in laws give them - it would be pretty unusual for them not to give what they can afford and it’s probably calculated as a pre-inheritance gift, gift allowances permitted each year, sort of thing.
Why not mention it to your son and get his guidelines?
Language? Mine’s changed, especially as I’ve moved to a different part of England. I now call things different names as no one would probably know what I was talking about. At least a bedroom is still called a bedroom everywhere (I think) 🤣

MerylStreep

Marydoll

biglouis, I firmly believe that social class is alive and kicking. More so, since I joined GN.

Oh how true 🤦🏼‍♀️
Sometimes I laugh and sometimes I could cry.
You can imagine the class I’m ascribed to, living in Southend 😂
We do have 4 grammar schools, though. 🤔

Many moons ago, I was accused on GN of being an inverted snob after posting about my deprived background and how I had supported my self at university, by doing bar work in a social club.
My father was a chronic invalid and my parents wanted me out working, rather than going to university.

The point I had actually been trying to make is that education can change your circumstances.

Marydoll

*biglouis*, I firmly believe that social class is alive and kicking. More so, since I joined GN.

Oh how true 🤦🏼‍♀️
Sometimes I laugh and sometimes I could cry.
You can imagine the class I’m ascribed to, living in Southend 😂
We do have 4 grammar schools, though. 🤔

It is you who consider it any kind of a problem. They don’t think about it.

Juliet27

Returning to napkin/serviette, I just tear off one sheet of kitchen roll !! Whatever class does that put me in? However, I will add that I rarely entertain!

We use kitchen roll when it's just us or a barbecue, paper napkins if we're having people for dinner and DH always says he'd like to use linen ones!

We're just confused about our station in life 😁

Marydoll

*biglouis*, I firmly believe that social class is alive and kicking. More so, since I joined GN.

Then it obviously is to you. However, that doesn’t mean those you are talking to feels the same way.

Your problem, I think.

But what is new money and where does it kick in? At £30,000? £50,000, £100,000?

Is DH. the son of a car worker, who went to university, had a well paid job and, in retirment has a nice house, comfortable income and children in academia nouveau riche, and does the fact that he married the daughter of an army officer make him more or less 'nouveau', but my grandfathers started off as London dockers and Irish flax workers, so what part does that play?

Mohamed Fayed is a very bad example to use. He was refused citizenship because he was financially suspect. His brother got citizenship and you only need to look at the number of wealthy Asians in the House of Lords - and outside who have been accepted without query. Sir Sajid Javed and Rishi Sunak, among others, have made money in finance and are entirely part of the British establishment.

If you are only looking at these very wealthy, may be 1% at most of the population, the rest of us 99%, really have no interest in class markers and our place in society is governed more by where we live and who are neighbours are than anything else.

Returning to napkin/serviette, I just tear off one sheet of kitchen roll !! Whatever class does that put me in? However, I will add that I rarely entertain!

In this country, like almost every other country, money is the only social marker, the more or less of it defines any individuals place in life

This is true to a point. However there are subtle social codes, language and aspects of background which still define the extent to which those with "new" money are accepted. This is what makes the British class system incomprehensible to foreigners and so fascinating to sociologists.

Mohamed Al-Fayed tried hard to ape the manners and usages of the British upper class. However for all his money he could never "buy" his way into citizenship or being accepted as an equal by those who surrounded the royal family.

I would say education is an equal social marker in defining people's station in life.

nanna8

Marydoll

biglouis, I firmly believe that social class is alive and kicking. More so, since I joined GN.

Yup, you’re not wrong.

That's why threads like this one irritate me on GN ....... the very title!
"Posh, rich, lower class, normal type, poor relation, jealous, never measure up to", etc etc blah blah, all in one OP. And then throw private school into the mix and start blaming the children! 😲
It beggars belief!

In which case please give broad description of those ssocial classes and how to recognise who belongs where.

In this country, like almost every other country, money is the only social marker, the more or less of it defines any individuals place in life.

Marydoll

*biglouis*, I firmly believe that social class is alive and kicking. More so, since I joined GN.

Yup, you’re not wrong.

biglouis, I firmly believe that social class is alive and kicking. More so, since I joined GN.