Support for grandparents who have children and grandchildren living abroad

Marymoo23

Does anyone else have a family situation of SS recommending adoption?

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Does anyone else have a family situation of SS recommending adoption?

Thanks polomint. I surprised myself.
Spending such a good long quality time with my DC and DGC was definitely worth any discomfort and I would do it all again. not just yet

It fades polomint but it’s still hard.

I think the ache of missing themtricia2 never goes away, we just try to cope and accept it in our own way

Thank you Maddyone. I miss my daughter and her family terribly. I could be helping her so much and getting to know the grandkids more. When I do visit I enjoy playing games with them, reading to them, going for walks, baking cookies and gardening-just the simple every day activities are precious to me.

I knew you had went to visit your family grammaretto and I admire you for going alone and doing 7 flights. I'm just a bit concerned doing one there and one back but you have given me courage

Yes polomint, I just did!
I booked through a travel agent although apart from finding the cheapest flights at civilised times they didn't have to do much. They didn't tell me I needed an ETA to get into NZ so I had a last minute panic.

I did see people sitting in wheelchairs waiting for assistance. I wasn't ready for that.

I booked aisle seats on all 6 flights so I could easily get up and walk about. I bought a neck pillow to stop me falling asleep on a stranger's shoulder. I remembered flight socks.

I accidentally left my phone behind in the first flight out. It had all my contacts, camera, booking info. I haven't got it back. Don't do that and keep hard copies of all your important documents numbers etc.

So many lone travellers and some older than me. I'm 75.

Go for it!

I always travel alone, but my family are only in Europe. I would absolutely ask for special help if needed. A friend's elderly mother had four star treatment on a solo trip to Canada for a family wedding. She was very impressed!

Special help can be used anywhere. I have had to use it twice both times in Europe and it worked very well.

Is anyone planning on visiting their families abroad this year? I keep toying with the idea but I would need to travel alone. Do any gransnetters do this? I've been told that it's best to ask for special help at the airport as it could make it easier and less stressful

We were there for Waitangi Day too Grammaretto. We went to a fair in the little town that my daughter lives in, where there was some Māori performances, rides for the children, lots of food stalls, and stalls selling all kinds of ethnic things and other things. We had a lovely afternoon there with our daughter and the children. The highlight for the children was getting spray on Maori tattoos, which of course wash off later.

I don't think there is a special family day in NZ.
I was there for Waitangi day which commemorates the signing of the treaty between the Maoris and the white settlers, and we went to a festival to bless the fishing boats. Wellington was too windy to launch the boats but the music and stalls were good. 😂

Polomint- what a lovely idea - a family day. Norway has a national day in May which is a holiday, costumes are worn, songs are sung and the love for the country is celebrated in a respectful way - no jingoism.

My daughter in Canada let me know that today is national family day and most people are off work to celebrate it. We don't have that holiday here. I don't know if Australia or New Zealand have that holiday too

Thanks Maddyone it's grim but I've survived it once and yes the memories are coming home with me.
One last meal out this evening and an early start in the morning.

What I love most is sharing their normal lives and being able to picture them when I'm not here if you know what I mean.

I'll miss the warmth too. Back to shivering Scotland.

Wishing you a good journey home Grammaretto. It’s a terribly long journey, but you’ll be bringing all your memories home with you.

Yes it's the cousins I feel for too as our have definitely grown apart. I think when my daughter moved away her husband thought the best way for their children to get used to the new way of life was to have less contact with us. That was hard for us here. So I have 3 grandchildren in their twenties in Canada and 2 here in their twenties. The Canadian ones don't miss their cousins here as much as they had all the excitement of new schools, new friends, new hobbies etc while the ones here were left to just get on with their lives here. They didn't keep in contact although the ones here tried their best to communicate but eventually after lots of disappointments they gave up trying. I'm unhappy about it but just had to accept it as I tried many times to keep the lines open

Oh maddyone my heart goes out to you. It's tough enough being so far away but so much harder with your daughter going through such a hard time.
I've been thinking, also, with other posters about the role of cousins in the lives of our grandchildren. Most of our GC abroad will see their cousins rarely, missing out on not just fun and games but also family stories/ legends/ jokes. My own cousins were very important to me, as an only child, and as modern families tend to be small, this seems such a loss.

Tomorrow is my last day here in NZ. I have had a great time with the family doing "normal" things though not helping out much maddyone!

I'll be very sad to leave but a month is a long time to stay with anyone and they plan to come to Europe in our summer so it won't be long.

I feel the pain some of you are sharing and as we get older, everything gets harder.

I am so glad I braved the journey. It is just about doable but so so long. I left my phone on the plane so arrived with no contact numbers and haven't been able to access emails for a month either. DDiL has lent me her old one and I have taken photos and been on here and been in touch with the other families in the UK.

I don't know when if ever I will come here again but there's no time to worry about it now.

I’ve just been reading through all your posts and I know exactly how you all feel. I’m sorry, I can’t reply to every post, but believe me, I know how you feel. The joy when you see them, the sadness and tears when you separate. The fear and knowledge that we’re getting older and won’t be able to travel forever. The briefness of video or WhatsApp calls. The emotional pull to your adult child when they need you and you’re not there. The heartbreak when your grandchild clings to you and cries as you leave. The joy when you arrive. We all understand one another.

polomint thank you, we did have a lovely time, but back now, just arrived home yesterday. We were both shattered and slept a lot yesterday but went to bed early and feel refreshed today.

grannyactivist

My granddaughter has returned to NZ, but left her heart here in England. She’s missing her cousins and the casual interactions of her extended family. Yesterday her two uncles met up on Dartmoor and the WhatsApp photos’s of her cousins there prompted her to complain to her parents that she should have been with them.

It’s too soon to become hopeful, but methinks that my granddaughter’s yearning to move to the UK may eventually wear her dad down. My daughter would love to move home and live near family, but practically there’s a lot of ducks to get in a row first and now is not a good time to be a nurse in the UK.

grannyactivist I identify with this completely. We returned from New Zealand yesterday after spending six weeks there with our family. We did most of the childcare because it was summer holidays there, and we took the children to many different places where we all enjoyed ourselves and spent lovely times with our grandchildren. Their mother accompanied us when she wasn’t working. Grandad decorated three bedrooms in the colours the children chose, he built shelves, built a rabbit run, put together a suite of garden (flat pack) furniture, built a games table that grandson had for Christmas (it took one whole day) and I did a mountain of washing and sorting as our daughter had recently moved house. We know our grandchildren regularly say they want to return to live in England although they are a bit conflicted about leaving their father behind. Youngest grandson has cried every day at school since we left and our ten year old grandson was distraught when we were leaving as he adores Grandad, although I know he loves me too.
They will not be able to return to live here without going through the courts as their controlling father refuses to allow them to return home and is being difficult about their visit planned for next Christmas. The lawyer says it will not be difficult to get permission from the court to allow a visit.
At the moment the children’s father, who has just moved house, refuses to tell my daughter where his new address is which means when the children are with him, my daughter has no knowledge of where they are, which is wholly unsatisfactory.
The whole situation is distressing and unsatisfactory. It needs resolution and that is unlikely soon.
Anyway, thanks to all Gransnetters who wished us well on our trip. We had a wonderful time with our daughter and grandchildren. Keep posting on here and we can support one another in our lives with long distance grandchildren.

My son emigrated to the US 14 years ago when he married an American girl.

She was a widow with a young son.

Of course, I miss him, but we FaceTime, Skype and phone once or twice a week. We still keep close.

He has a great life out there (better than he’d have over here), so I don’t blame him.

They come over once a year as I cannot get there, and are due over in May, along with a lot of their friends and relatives.

It’ll be full on, but great to see them.👍

How hard must it be for her to see us through video calls with the GC's, she has never shown it and is always so loving and generous towards us all.

It's the truth Avia Never showing it is a gift of love. 🧡

My parents tried to hide their sorrow from us when we were abroad - but that was only letters and occasional phone calls in those days.