Granddaughter doesn’t seem to like me

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I never ask any of my grandkids for a hug or a kiss. If they want some lovin' they will come looking for it. It is okay to say, "Oh, you don't need to give me a hug or kiss. I love you anyway, Goodbye, I will see you next time"
I have 4 grandkids of my own and 4 step-grandkids. They are all so different. Just be yourself and let her be herself. I would quit trying so hard and see if she come purring around. It is possible that you just aren't her favorite grandparent, and it is possible that she isn't your favorite grandchild, but that is okay. You just need to find some common ground and understanding. You can ask your son, but he may not want to be put in the middle or pass on information gleaned from his daughter. I would suggest asking her if there is anything you can do to make your time together mean more. Is it possible that the other grandma has them separately; therefore, she has cultivated individual relationships with each of them instead of the pair of them?

Ok her response was actually really rude to you on Xmas eve. She's not a baby, and I'm sure her parents have taught her good manners. She got told off, didn't like it so took it out on you, cos in her head it's your fault she got in trouble. She's 8, nothing's ever their fault at that age. The rest of it, if she's always been affectionate before could be a way of punishing you for xmas eve, or it could be that she sees your physical problem, sees her dad also has problems, puts the two together and blames you for this. So regardless of her parents having a lot going on they actually need to sit her down, explain what dad's got, what you've got, and how the two things are different, that it's not grandma's fault dad has ms or that she has the problems she has...in the mean time you ignore it, carry on doing all the same things you've always done.

My ds dislikes his grandparents has done for years now. To the extent he will try and arrange to go to friends to avoid them and family gatherings.

Basically they just have no shared interests and think what he likes is stupid and then the fact when ever the cousins are there he gets told off for not wanting to play with them and telling them to go away. So now they have a near zero relationship. Sad thing is they see it as his loss rather than trying to think of how to grow a relationship with him before it’s too late and his an adult.

there should never be any insisting where hugs/kisses are concerned.
i'm surprised your daughter does that.
is she not aware of the importance of bodily autonomy and understanding consent.

This post is a few months old but Ill say something anyway. Sorry you feel hurt. My grand daughter is staying with us right now and she rejects me on and off. Its hard. Im hoping youll receive advice from people that are going through something similar. Im giving her space. I try not to show the hurt feelings. Unfortunately my daughter insists that she gives me a hug/kiss goodbye or when she goes to bed. Ill have to remind family not to push it with her. Its sad and humiliating. Probably not great advice but- time, space and try not to react. Good luck.

Midnightblue thats a lot going on in their household and I expect you are worried and upset about your son as well.

I am sure things will settle down with your GD in time. Maybe you being upset makes her feel upset about her father which comes out as rejecting you. Just step back and ignore as much as poss. Give her time and space. Keep cheerful and optimistic yourself.

We have two grandsons, the youngest has never been as close to me as the oldest- refused to sit next to me, never wanted a cuddle or a chat etc. I chose to ignore it and just accept it - now he’s exactly like his older brother wants to sit next to me, wants cuddles etc
Just accept we are all human and go through phases - even children

So, thanks for your replies.
I have thought to myself that DGDs would grow away from us as they get older, but yes, perhaps she is going through a phase of not liking me.
I think it’s partly that I am sometimes the catalyst to her being told off, however mildly. She isn’t really used to it as normally she’s pretty well behaved.
Obviously, I will carry on loving her and show it as often as I can.

It does happen though doesn’t it that over time some family members are closer to each other and some more distant. That’s not unusual.
Also I think the situation with a 21 yr old is different from an 8 year old. To be honest, most children will be less interested in their grandparents as they grow up won’t they? Teenagers and young adults have their own lives to establish. But Ofc we hope they will retain a fondness for their grandparents

I’ve a step gd who doesn’t care a fig about me I’ve invited her to several events and I’ve never made her any different from other grandchildren she’s 21 now
I personally believe her to be a stuck up little b….. who gets all she wants from her maternal family especially her other gm. Hey ho I’m beginning to feel a little resentment of her but it’s difficult to love someone who doesn’t care

Dear OP, it’s natural to worry sometimes. You are aware of the stresses your son and his family have, and you are perhaps reading more into your granddaughters behaviour than you need to, maybe she is reacting to family stresses, or maybe she is becoming an eight year old who is going to retort or answer back?
Try to remain confident. As others have said, small incidents will happen in families, try to brush them off and just continue offering love and support as grandma. One idea, some children like playing games … perhaps you could play some simple board or word games or card games, these can be a fun diversion to do in small groups.

but when you really think about it, maybe she doesn't like you.
that's not morally wrong, is it.
we can't all like everyone.
think of some people we have to work beside.
children are less socialised into covering it up, seeing the advantage in doing so, or being aware of others' expectations.
they are more raw, more honest maybe.
i think you have to step back somehow.

She probably hated being told off at the table by her father in front of everyone else. I suspect that's all it was about.

And for the past few months.

Thank you theexwife and siope.
I did admit before that the incident itself was trivial, and I didn’t react, it was just the response she had after DS told her off that bothered me (scowls and not talking to me that afternoon and since
Right or wrong it did upset me, though I haven’t taken offense
at your advice siope.

I’ll have to learn to ignore, but I’m just sorry about it all.

She was so rude to me on Christmas Eve afternoon, I almost cried, and wanted to leave

We were having lunch and I asked her to pass me something on the table. She was reluctant at first, but when she did, she said, “Why don’t you pass me my drink”

I mean this kindly, but if that's the whole story of what happened, your reaction is completely out of proportion.

That's just a small over-stimulated because of Christmas (even without all the other scary things going on in her life) child, testing some boundaries. It warrants no more than rolling your eyes, or a joke about how you're too mean, or even just passing the drink and grinning - not you wanting to cry and leave.

There will be much worse to come as they get into puberty, and push the boundaries more and more, and you need perhaps to develop some robust coping mechanisms.

Now knowing what they have to cope with I would not ask them to become involved.

Maybe if you are ever alone with your granddaughter you could say in a ,kind manner, that you have a feeling that she doesn’t like you and could she tell you why so that you could make things better but whatever she feels is ok and that you still love her anyway.

helterSkelter , they’ve just moved house, and having to do a lot of sorting out, both in demanding jobs, and have to fit their
shifts in with the girls. They are exhausted by 9pm.

Common problems I know, but to compound it, DS has secondary progressive MS. He hasn’t been able to have face to face appointments with either the nurse or consultant since Covid. They only see new patients at their first appointment now.

He has had to push for a review, as he was only told via a letter to his GP that his MS has progressed, and his treatment didn’t change at all. Anyway, after pushing for a review, he has now been put on a new medication.

They are concerned about the future and he has nag for every
bit of advice from services. I feel so sorry for people who can’t find their way round the system. He has an stimulator to help him walk, but also has a stick for when he has to walk any distance, which isn’t that far. It was heartbreaking on holiday to see him stuck in some rock pools and DH helping him out.

He can’t do some things with the girls he used to, but they understand.

Sorry to get off the subject but just clarifying why I don’t want to bother them too much about granddaughter..

Is whatever her Mum and Dad are up to their eyes in, which is preventing you from asking them what the matter is, affecting your GD?

Ok wellbeck, I will be specific about Christmas Eve.
We were having lunch and I asked her to pass me something on the table. She was reluctant at first, but when she did, she said, “Why don’t you pass me my drink”. It was right next to her, and it wasn’t a query, more. retort. See, I said it was trivial to begin with!

I have thought about facial hair as well as well shelflife, no moustache, but I do have to pluck out the odd chin hair.

I haven’t got an x-ray copy of my back, but I do have an anatomy book I could use if necessary. They love Operation Ouch on TV, so that could be ok.

I was frightened of disability when I was a child, so that’s why it’s occurred to me.

my son never liked his gran, my mother, started as a toddler, he is an only child and grew up quick, he is 37 now and still does not like her, he is always polite and would help her if needed, the only explanation i have ever got is he does not like her as a person, he is a loving and tactile person but for some reason it is forced when it come to her. maybe your scoliosis frightens your gd, she is probably not sure why your back is like that, as others have said, you could sit down with mum and her and talk about your scoliosis and see if that helps. i hope your gd is just going through a phase and everything works out well for you.

Children are intrigued by medical problems - they loved all the medical equipment my late OH needed - and his catheter was a joy! - the bag is full Mama!

Do you have an x-ray of the scoliosis? - they would be intrigued by that. Or other pics to show them what is going on.

Your scoliosis might be the problem. If you can find an opportunity to explain about it rather than brush it off with " it has gone wonky" I would consider doing that . Children are astute at that age and they do notice and maybe wonder and worry. So if possible do try and explain about it (in a light hearted way ) and see if that helps . She may be a bit scared but afraid to voice her feelings, so be honest with her.
As a child I was expected to kiss a great aunt who had a slight moustache, I remember feeling very anxious about that ! So sad because she was a wonderful and kindly lady.
Your GD will appreciate your honesty. If that fails , be patient it will pass . Don't take it to heart. 💐

but what was the telling off by your son about, on xmas eve ?