Worried about childcare burden on parents and in laws

I just wanted to say, what a thoughtful DD and DIL you are.

We looked after our grandaughter from nine months to starting school for two days a week, while the other grandparents were supposed to do one day.
They often found an excuse not to do it and we would have do do three (often with no notice.) I had just turned sixty and retired due to ill health and DH was five years older.

It was exhausting at times, but we loved every minute of it. It gave us a purpose in life. We refused a financial contribution and supplied the food, nappies etc.

The result, we have the most wonderful bond with our eight year old granddaughter and don't regret one minute of it.

We are hoping to do the same for our nine month old granddaughter, but it will only be one day a week. DS works from home, so it won't be as exhausting as the last time.

I think one day a week each is manageable especially if there are two of them, and the times aren’t too bad especially as you will be delivering your baby to them.
They have said they want to carry on, so give it a go, but if your parents are also working you might want to set a month or two for both sets of gp’s and check with them again.
We did this for 12 years with a very early start at their house, a decent drive away sometimes not getting home til 8 pm and it was very exhausting as we got older.
Check with them every now and again can they manage it still, don’t guilt them about how difficult and expensive child care is and don’t take them fir granted, it’s easily done as years go by, so say thanks with a big hug, flowers or a meal out now and again.
Good luck and hope the grandparents get the joy we did when we looked after our gc.

My late husband and I looked after our three grandchildren from them being 6 months of age, five days a week, 8 am to 6 pm, we were in our mid 60's. We took them all over the place, they even slept over until they all started school. Then in the school holidays we looked after them again.

As time went by we realised that we were being taken for granted, asked to also childmind at the weekends, we never had time for ourselves.

So be grateful for what your parents will be doing for you.

Our work schedule has been too haphazard to look after our grandchildren on a regular basis, but we do often plug ‘gaps’ in provision and during school holidays most of our grandchildren stay over for up to a week at a time - and we love it. I agree with Marydoll about your thoughtfulness, which I expect is already valued by both sets of parents. 💐

The only advice I might offer is to build in a regular ‘appraisal’ of how things are working for the grandparents, perhaps every three or six months just take time to have a brief check that the arrangement is still suiting everyone.

Thanks so much all, these are really reassuring replies and also great tips. Il definitely take forward checking in regularly to see how things are going.

I’m hoping as well that’s once I’ve got my foot in the door (new workplace) and paid my dues I might be able to find a job share (hopefully in a years time) and cut down from four days to three so that’ll give some added flex if either set find it’s too much! My daughter has absolutely loved the arrangement so far though and she practically needs prying away from each set of grandparents 😂 x x

I think it is lovely that you are so considerate for the wellbeing of the GPs but it sounds as if they are more than happy to look after their grandchildren.
We had our twin grandchildren living with us off and on from when they born . I was 60 and DH 68 and he was still working full time. We were very happy to have them even though we found lockdown exhausting. When they returned home permanently at 15 for one and 16 for the other we were happy for them but very sad for ourselves. We thoroughly enjoyed having them and never saw it as a burden which I am sure will be the case for your parents.. In fact we believe they kept us young as both feel we have aged in the year since they returned home.☹️
Good luck!You have approached the situation sensitively and all will be well .

I really think the key here is awareness of capabilities. You are doing the right thing by checking, and planning on checking at intervals.

I still work, so do not do child care except on occasional evenings out, but I have friends that do. Most only do it part time, which is manageable.

We do often see on Gransnet posts from overwhelmed grandparents, but mostly those that do it full time, and seem to be taken advantage of.

I think that arrangement sounds pretty reasonable and you and your husband have obviously thought it through well and discussed it with both sets of parents.
I’d have a back up plan for illness and if either couple wanted a holiday during term time, good luck.

You sound like such caring people.. the only suggestion I would make is to build up some savings to pay for childcare just in case of emergency.. lucky Grandparents having such considerate DD and SIL..

You sound very considerate.

One thing that I would add, that I don't think has already been mentioned, is to try not to outstay your welcome when you go to collect the children at the end of the day.
By 6pm, the grandparents may well be exhausted. It is all too easy for the parent doing the collecting to fall into the habit of stopping quite a bit longer, having a cuppa, chatting about how the day has been etc., and although the GPs might seem happy with this, and even be the ones offering the cuppa in the first place, there will come a point where they are longing to just close the door on it all and for peace to reign once again.
I'm not saying it's a certainty, but I've known quite a few gps who secretly hated the protracted pick-ups, so I think it is something worth bearing in mind.

I looked after my GS one day a week from 6 months. 80 min round trip and did this up until he went to secondary school. More in the holidays. As he got older I brought him to my house so a lot of driving involved. Loved it and was pleased to help out. We had such a strong bond, weakened by the isolation of COVID and of course he's a cool teen now. The only thing you can do is make sure the grandparents know they can call time if it gets too much. However they will be well aware of how quickly time flies.

I look after my grandsons two days a week and oh my goodness they are hard work at times! But we have a close relationship and I wouldn't have it any other way. Dgs1 will start school this year and dgs2 will go to playgroup for a couple of hours later this year. I'm aware of how quickly time flies and I cherish the time spent with them. You sound lovely. Looking after the boys has brought me and my daughter and son in law closer together

I had GC one day a week for many years . Children delivered to me and collected by parents . I don't regret one day of that . GC now range in years from 20 to the youngest who is now 5 and in school. So went on for a long time , one day each week was perfect for me . You are a caring D and DIL , just keep on ensuring they are happy with the arrangement and let them know they must not hesitate to let you know if responsibilities becomes too much. So many parents expect massive amounts of caring commitments from their own parents, lovely to see you are not one of those !! Good luck.

I am a grandma who has looked after grandchildren in very similar circumstances to the ones you describe. Firstly as others have said, you sound so thoughtful and considerate which will be very helpful as grandparents will be less likely to feel taken advantage of. I too sometimes felt wiped out in the early days of looking after two children, particularly when one or both still very young and in nappies. But about four years on now, things are much easier and we have a brilliant relationship with our young grandchildren, probably because we had the opportunity and ability to build that relationship. I wouldn’t have missed doing so for the world. As others have suggested, as you are a bit concerned, maybe put a checking period in place after say 3-6months and agree that the grandparents must say how they are finding it and are free to say it’s too much.

What a caring daughter you are!

I think the best thing is to monitor how things are going to ensure everyone is happy with the arrangement.

Looking after GC is hard work but so very rewarding.

I’ve looked after 2 of my GC since they were babies (now 10 and 8). I do two days a week, either picking up from school or all day during the holidays. I’ve found that is manageable so long as the two days aren’t consecutive.
As others have suggested check with each set of GP every now and again to make sure it’s still OK with them as it’s very hard to tell your children that you’re finding it hard to manage.
You sound like a very considerate person who won’t take it all for granted.