Daughter in law selfishness

FWIW I agree that your GC's wants and needs should take priority over both of their parents lives, and that there is nothing paranoid about your concerns regarding them being left alone with their mother's boyfriend.

They are having to adjust to some big changes. Mum and dad no longer living together and as a result, seeing less of them. Mum and dad having new friends in their lives, which from what you've said, I think your son is handling with appropriate caution and sensitivity.

I hope that your mind will be put at rest and that your GC being able to talk to you freely will go some way to helping Phillips.

you and your of course I meant Phillips, not you Cossy 🙂

Cossy

Incidentally I’m not sure I’d take a 5 & 9 year old’s words verbatim (I’m not suggesting for one moment they’re lying) without a little bit of adult confirmation.

I’m still waiting for OP to confirm how her son actually feels about this, whether he is concerned and what he is doing about it and I still agree that using Sarah’s Law is a great idea.

I’m sorry if you feel I’m “judgement”, but for me, that’s just how MiL comes over about her DiL

🤔

Too often what children say is dismissed.
It's a difficult situation and the conversations need to be very careful, but must be between your son and his ex.

It seems to be a grandmother's place to worry!

Incidentally I’m not sure I’d take a 5 & 9 year old’s words verbatim (I’m not suggesting for one moment they’re lying) without a little bit of adult confirmation.

I’m still waiting for OP to confirm how her son actually feels about this, whether he is concerned and what he is doing about it and I still agree that using Sarah’s Law is a great idea.

I’m sorry if you feel I’m “judgement”, but for me, that’s just how MiL comes over about her DiL

Smileless2012

No that is not the case at all SingcoTime. I have and will continue to say if I think a parent or grandparent is being unreasonable and/or irrational.

I don't know how all of your points can stand when you incorrectly responded to the OP's post regarding her d.i.l.'s boyfriend having the children on his own again, as referring to her son.

I stand by my comment that you are judgemental and critical of the OP.

To be fair, I misread this and when directed to read it again I realised OP meant BF not DS.

I completely understand OPs concerns and would even agree, but she could have expressed her concerns of little ones being left with a fairly new childless BF without calling her ex DiL “selfish”, commenting on her personal social life, stating that she puts “herself before her children” and calling her an adulterer.

If she had left all these personal details out and simply concentrated on her concerns then I think many of us would have far more supportive.

Again thank you everyone for your feedback some of it has upset me but I’ll get over it. My relationship with my DIL is mutual and polite I’m not nosy I never question my GC. And I can assure you all my son is not the be all in my life my grandchildren are. I have had those children from babies. I just needed some reassurance and I wasn’t being paranoid. I might be wrong but all I think is the GCs wants and needs should take priority over the mothers social life.

:-)

No worries SingcoTime always happy to help.

Smileless2012

You're inability to take the OP's words at face value are evident in your responses SingcoTime. It's already been said by others that she is in all likelihood being told what's happening by her GC.

That solves it then! Others on Gransnet think the grandchildren are telling her. End of story. I now believe the OP is 100% accurate in her details of her DIL's personal life. Thanks for clearing that up for me Smileless!

Smileless2012

No that is not the case at all SingcoTime. I have and will continue to say if I think a parent or grandparent is being unreasonable and/or irrational.

I don't know how all of your points can stand when you incorrectly responded to the OP's post regarding her d.i.l.'s boyfriend having the children on his own again, as referring to her son.

I stand by my comment that you are judgemental and critical of the OP.

And she's judgmental and critical of her DIL, as you are with most. I stand by that comment 100%. Not really interested in going in circles with you here. I am sure there are other takers though!

As the saying goes, "you do you"

You're inability to take the OP's words at face value are evident in your responses SingcoTime. It's already been said by others that she is in all likelihood being told what's happening by her GC.

MissAdventure

Well, perhaps we shouldn't take anyone at face value on here until we have proof.

I don't know about 'we' because I don't subscribe to groupthink, but 'I' certainly am not going to hang on to everyone's word in every scenario. Certainly not going to ignore glaring biases. It simply doesn't ring true to me that the OP is a reliable narrator of her DIL's personal life. At the end of the day, the OP has repeatedly skirted around the issue of her son addressing her concerns directly as a parent. 'I' won't ignore that.

No that is not the case at all SingcoTime. I have and will continue to say if I think a parent or grandparent is being unreasonable and/or irrational.

I don't know how all of your points can stand when you incorrectly responded to the OP's post regarding her d.i.l.'s boyfriend having the children on his own again, as referring to her son.

I stand by my comment that you are judgemental and critical of the OP.

Well, perhaps we shouldn't take anyone at face value on here until we have proof.

MissAdventure

Yes, I agree too, but until that is sorted, the issue remains.

The "issue" as told by the judgmental ex MIL. I cannot take her words at face value here. When people provide copious details on the lives of people who would likely never share to that extent, I find it hard to believe it all.

Cossy

Phillips

My son doesn’t leave the children with his girlfriend at all they come to me She has her own children to look after.
She is a detective in the police force also. So hopefully trustworthy
I worry about toilet and bum wiping!!!! For the five year old. The boyfriend has no children

Based on recent events surrounding our Police Force I wouldn’t make this assumption.

I wonder if her ex MiL criticises her as much as this OP!!

Bingo! The idea that someone is safe because of their profession or their gender is beyond naive.

No one is arguing that they would personally leave their children with new boyfriend's or girlfriends. The point is that the OP is fixated on every aspect and detail of her DIL's life personal life and has little to nothing to say about what her son is doing about it, other than overpraising him for parenting and juggling life.

Smileless2012

You should re read the OP's last post SingcoTime. The reference to "He will be on his own again with the children" refers to the OP's d's.i.l. boyfriend, not her son.

I think your judgemental and critical opinion of the OP is leading you to read what you want to read, as opposed to what's actually been written.

Have you spoken to your son about Sarah's Law Phillips? With the children being left alone with the boyfriend to the extent they are, I'm sure the police would take any concerns seriously and do a background check.

Smileless respectfully, judgmental and critical are your playbooks on any post involving a daughter in law, no matter how irrational the grand is. Regardless, the OP's son is the one who needs to address the concerns or care for his children. All my points stand.

Phillips

My son doesn’t leave the children with his girlfriend at all they come to me She has her own children to look after.
She is a detective in the police force also. So hopefully trustworthy
I worry about toilet and bum wiping!!!! For the five year old. The boyfriend has no children

Then why isn't your son saying or doing something about it?

Yes, I agree too, but until that is sorted, the issue remains.

I agree.

MercuryQueen

@GrannyRose, that’s why I was asking if half term is the same as our March break.

An OP never said if her son took vacation days or the children were in daycare.

Either way, one of the parents needed to manage it, no reason it couldn’t or shouldn’t be their dad. And the last thing kids need, when having their time split between their parents and two homes is a third or fourth or fifth party they’re supposed to further split their time with. The parents are perfectly capable of ensuring that their kids have access to extended family relationships without courts ordering it.

OP, if your son is concerned about the safety of his children and already has them the majority of the time, then he should go back to court and request primary custody.

This! Completely agree

@GrannyRose, that’s why I was asking if half term is the same as our March break.

An OP never said if her son took vacation days or the children were in daycare.

Either way, one of the parents needed to manage it, no reason it couldn’t or shouldn’t be their dad. And the last thing kids need, when having their time split between their parents and two homes is a third or fourth or fifth party they’re supposed to further split their time with. The parents are perfectly capable of ensuring that their kids have access to extended family relationships without courts ordering it.

OP, if your son is concerned about the safety of his children and already has them the majority of the time, then he should go back to court and request primary custody.

Delila

What signs?

Anyway, focus on the OP’s justifiable concerns, and not on the opinion you’ve formed of the OP.

Please explain what authority you have to issue this instruction