Daughter in law selfishness

GPs duty is the same as anyone elses, report concerns to relevant authorities

Parents are the ones who have primary responsibility for their children of course

She absolutely should raise questions in her mind, not naively assume all is well exactly Madgran, but it seems that for reasons I'll never be able to fathom, the m.i.l./GM is always going to be in the wrong.

Anyone can be a child abuser and poor parents have to be aware of this all the time and GP's too VS.

Madgran77

I am frankly astounded at the number of people who are not seeing the risks here ..... so caught up in the "over bearing" GPs/MIL syndrome and the "Dad should" bla bla.

The fact is that child abuse cases frequently relate to someone known to them and parent partners are high on the list of perpetrators....it is entirely right to question this arrangement in that context. Ofcourse it may be that there is no danger; that Mjm has fully assessed and considered all risks and knows there arent any; that Dad needs to do more or intervene more or whatever

But the Grandmother is right and proper to be concerned and she is checking that out on here!!

My last post disappeared.

--We have no information on whether or not there should be concern for child abuse. We have a post titled "Daughter in Law's selfishness". A soon to be former MIL judging her soon to be ex DIL's dating choices (shock). That's it. No one on Gransnet knows the DIL or son. No one has insight into their lives, so I cannot imagine how anyone on the internet can "check out" whether the OP is valid in judging her DIL's dating life.

--There should never be a "blah blah blah" followed by a father's responsibilities. It's not the dad should intervene "or whatever". It's "the dad needs to properly and formally address any safeguarding issues there may be." Period. His duties to his child should never be downplayed or minimized. It is not a secondary issue. It is THE issue. This child belongs to him. If the child is in danger, it's HIS responsibility to be his child's advocate and protector. There is no evidence anywhere in this post that the child is in danger, so no she is not right to or proper to come to the internet complaining about her DIL essentially getting on with life without her son. If there was evidence the child is in danger, OP should contact social services and/or the police, along with questioning her son as to why he wasn't doing more. Her focus on her DIL is misguided but typical.

VioletSky FYI, grandfathers can be abusers too and in my case, my nan knew... So...Anyone can be a child abuser and poor parents have to be aware of this all the time

Well yes! But I am unclear what your point is in relation to this OPs post?

Cossy I do agree that most child abuse cases are carried out by someone in the family or very close to said children BUT let’s not assume every new partner is an abuser

I agree. We don't know all possible things scenarios on this. My point was about the criticism of the OP for raising her concerns and asking questions here because she's worried. She absolutely should raise questions in her mind, not naively assume all is well. How she moves forward on that or not depends on the answers to some of those things that you mention where no information has been given.

FYI, grandfathers can be abusers too and in my case, my nan knew... So...

Anyone can be a child abuser and poor parents have to be aware of this all the time

Mum has left her children with someone she trusts

If other people would like to have the children, they need to be on the trusted list

Madgran77

I am frankly astounded at the number of people who are not seeing the risks here ..... so caught up in the "over bearing" GPs/MIL syndrome and the "Dad should" bla bla.

The fact is that child abuse cases frequently relate to someone known to them and parent partners are high on the list of perpetrators....it is entirely right to question this arrangement in that context. Ofcourse it may be that there is no danger; that Mjm has fully assessed and considered all risks and knows there arent any; that Dad needs to do more or intervene more or whatever

But the Grandmother is right and proper to be concerned and she is checking that out on here!!

I do agree that most child abuse cases are carried out by someone in the family or very close to said children BUT let’s not assume every new partner is an abuser.

We just don’t know enough this situation. Boyfriend could stay overnight on a regular basis, pick children up from school, he may have been a friend prior to now being a boyfriend.

I’m sorry but it just seems another reason for this particular ex MiL to criticise her ex DiL.

Nothing has been said about any concerns from her own son, these children’s father. Nothing has been said about his new partner and if she is ever left alone with the children.

Too few facts.

Is everyone talking about NanaZee's post, the last 6 posts, or the original post from Phillips?

I am frankly astounded at the number of people who are not seeing the risks here ..... so caught up in the "over bearing" GPs/MIL syndrome and the "Dad should" bla bla.

The fact is that child abuse cases frequently relate to someone known to them and parent partners are high on the list of perpetrators....it is entirely right to question this arrangement in that context. Ofcourse it may be that there is no danger; that Mjm has fully assessed and considered all risks and knows there arent any; that Dad needs to do more or intervene more or whatever

But the Grandmother is right and proper to be concerned and she is checking that out on here!!

Of course!

If you have a real concern, you report it

If you don't, you mind your own business and don't judge... Especially if you don't want to risk causing issues

So many issues are caused by "justifications" that were anything but

Smileless2012

No, this is about a GM expressing concern about the welfare of her GC and with that in mind SingcoTime, would you not have any concerns if these were your GC?

Without evidence or suspicion of danger, no I wouldn't. I don't look for worries before I have to. Now, the only thing I may be concerned about it whether or not my son was doing all he could to ensure he was actively parenting his child and advocating for as much time with the child as possible. Even in such an instance, the filter would remain in place.

No, this is about a GM expressing concern about the welfare of her GC and with that in mind SingcoTime, would you not have any concerns if these were your GC?

Sorry, I meant to quote Smileless.

fancythat

NanaZee7

I’m in a real predicament. My son hasn’t spoken to me since September, despite previously having a very close relationship. He lives in our home with his gf and their 3 year old son. I have always been very close to my Grandson but now they are stopping him from even speaking to me. I can’t believe how my son has changed or perhaps he is simply showing his true colours, which are those of a nasty bully.

He has always said that she is a bully…… as has her Mum and my son has become a nasty bully, too!

My DH has warned me about losing my family and home. I’m truly at the end of my tether and just want them out of my home, I know that will mean that I don’t see them, I have been feeling quite suicidal over this whole situation. Any advice would be appreciated.

You might find it more helpful to start your own thread, using the post you have already posted?

It is quite easy for posters not to reply to the correct post, and in this case they may reply to the original one.

There are multiple posts on this site about grandparents being overly involved in separations, so it's not disputable. The threads are visible for us all.

This is about a grandmother judging her former DIL and her personal life, which isn't her business. As I said, adults can sort out their own lives. No divorce or separation was made easier by grandparents getting involved. Her son is the parent. Her son is the adult. Her son chose his soon to be ex wife. He's a big boy. The father can advocate for his child if need be. No need to the grandmother's involvement or opinions on her DIL.

NanaZee7

I’m in a real predicament. My son hasn’t spoken to me since September, despite previously having a very close relationship. He lives in our home with his gf and their 3 year old son. I have always been very close to my Grandson but now they are stopping him from even speaking to me. I can’t believe how my son has changed or perhaps he is simply showing his true colours, which are those of a nasty bully.

He has always said that she is a bully…… as has her Mum and my son has become a nasty bully, too!

My DH has warned me about losing my family and home. I’m truly at the end of my tether and just want them out of my home, I know that will mean that I don’t see them, I have been feeling quite suicidal over this whole situation. Any advice would be appreciated.

You might find it more helpful to start your own thread, using the post you have already posted?

It is quite easy for posters not to reply to the correct post, and in this case they may reply to the original one.

I don't know why there are "so many posts about grandparents interjecting into divorces and separations" SingcoTime but this isn't one of them.

This is about a GM concerned about the safety and well being of her GC.

Your friend must have been so relieved when his son was given custody Grammaretto.

A similar situation happened to a friend. His DS and DiL split and the grandchildren reported that mummy's new boyfriend was sharing a bed with them.
Their father applied to the court for custody and now has it with their mother having some access as long as the boyfriend isn't there.

She could change the situation if she gave up the boyfriend but has chosen him over her kids.

My friend, who is a widower of nearly 80, has to help a lot with childcare.

Why are there so many posts about grandparents interjecting into divorces and separations? The best thing for the child is for the parents to work it out without other family members meddling and making things messier. It's almost always the mothers of sons who can't seem to let their baby boys be men and deal with their own issues. Always excuses as to why these helpless "grown-ups" just need mummy and daddy to help them deal with their wicked former spouses. Feel whatever you want, but let these grown men and women sort their own lives.

It's a bit of a cheek, living in your home, but refusing to speak to you, don't you think?

Is he paying rent?

I’m in a real predicament. My son hasn’t spoken to me since September, despite previously having a very close relationship. He lives in our home with his gf and their 3 year old son. I have always been very close to my Grandson but now they are stopping him from even speaking to me. I can’t believe how my son has changed or perhaps he is simply showing his true colours, which are those of a nasty bully.

He has always said that she is a bully…… as has her Mum and my son has become a nasty bully, too!

My DH has warned me about losing my family and home. I’m truly at the end of my tether and just want them out of my home, I know that will mean that I don’t see them, I have been feeling quite suicidal over this whole situation. Any advice would be appreciated.

Summerfly

It sounds as if your DIL hasn’t been with her latest boyfriend very long. Am I right? If this is the case, I too would be more than a little concerned for my grandchildren’s safety. I think your son should be doing more about this. Why can’t he look after them if she’s away so often.
To those on here who have said “ not your business”, I think that it is the OP’s business. They’re her grandchildren.

I think it’s more of the case of it’s not grandmothers business how often her ex DiL goes away, rather than who is looking after the children.

Personally I wouldn’t have left my children with a new boyfriend, but we just don’t know all the facts. It could be that said boyfriend stays overnight frequently and already has a good relationship with the children. We just don’t know enough and as everyone else has said maybe Dad should have them if Mum is going away overnight

Phillips isn't interfering in her son's divorce, she's expressing her concern about the welfare of her GC; what's wrong with that D?

It sounds as if your DIL hasn’t been with her latest boyfriend very long. Am I right? If this is the case, I too would be more than a little concerned for my grandchildren’s safety. I think your son should be doing more about this. Why can’t he look after them if she’s away so often.
To those on here who have said “ not your business”, I think that it is the OP’s business. They’re her grandchildren.

🤔

Not good to interfere in what the adults do but where grandchildren are concerned, a grandparent will want to help make sure they are safe and happy.