How do I cope?

fancythat I think sometimes families drift apart, with out there being any dramatic estrangement. But like you I can only think of one friend, where the family were given to feuding and estrangements.

But in this case, estrangement is not the problem. Just a grandma who, for very good reasons, has over invested emotionally in her only grandchild.

I’m so sorry that you’re going through this big change. I went through it too. It was so difficult at first but things got better knowing that we could all still be with each other. It’s very hard but you will get through it. Try to keep your mind occupied with things you like to do:. Reading, gardening, baking, sewing and seeing friends are things I like to do. What do you enjoy? Now you have some time for those.

It's only been a few days blueeyes and it's going to take time for you to adjust to them not being there 24/7. Be patient with yourself, you adjust and don't forget that your D's probably finding this a wrench too .

Get a grip, she's the other side of town. Just think of the people in Palestine, Israel, Ukraine and other worn torn countries where the children have been made orphans to just shot dead. Your problem is the first world.

Agree 100% with you Bluebell. Sound advice indeed.

There is nothing to suggest that blueeyes is either clingy or is putting pressure on her daughter, or that she should “get a grip”, she is just quite naturally missing her granddaughter and daughter who have lived with her since the baby was born.

I think many, most, of us would feel the same sense of loss and emptiness in the house. A baby in the house is an all-pervading presence. Now that’s gone. But gradually you will come to terms with that, blueeyes, you’ll find distractions, and I hope you will see a lot of your granddaughter who is, after all, only just across town.

The upside of having had your DGD living with you is the closeness this will have forged. If you are loving but undemanding this will last and you will have an important part to play in her life but on her terms, not yours.

blue eyes.
I was in a similar situation to you. My daughter was pregnant at 16 and I supported her through the pregnancy and was present at the birth of my gorgeous granddaughter.Due to her mental health issues they both lived with me for 2 and a half years. She finally got support from the council to get her own place and is doing well.
I found it difficult at first, however I work and have good friends.
What I find helpful is keeping a space in my garden where my granddaughter can grow her own things, and keeping her very small room in my house ready for when she comes to stay.
When you are baby sitting make things really interesting for her.
You need to understand that you are not her mum, and being a granny is a very different role.
I’m sure you’ll be excellent at taking on that role .

Some awful replies. You are grieving, grief hurts, it does get better but it hurts so much. Others may think you shouldn’t be upset or should count your blessings but that is not how grief works. Such things come in time, you will reset your life to be different, you won’t have them with you all the time and you will find other things to involve yourself in and enjoy your trips across town to see them. Meanwhile big hugs and a good cry and well done for offering them a home! You are a star.

rafichagran is right - will take time and it's understandable. Take good care of yourself.

If you feel very unwell and sad, maybe go to a private counsellor or approach the GP for help and explain you're feeling down - a Social Prescriber might be able to help, they work in many surgeries .

Some people can cope with their own company more than others - some people really find it really very hard and lonely - and the other type of person can't always relate to those feelings.
The luckiest people are those who both enjoy their own company, have hobbies, find things to keep occupied and content etc - AND at the same time enjoy being around plenty of people, big families, grandchildren close by etc etc

If you're someone who likes to be around people and not alone , maybe go to the local library , sign up for a course daytime or evenings, you will meet beautiful people. Find out about volunteering opportunities with families. Find out about walking groups. Part time paid work even. A wee dog (?) or fostering cats before their placement - all these are things that people we know sometimes do, and they provide fun for visiting grandchildren and they tell stories to others ...''my aunt /gran enjoys doing this...etc ''
Maybe a house move, if it's too isolating where you are.
The main thing is to know your family members are happy and thriving, hopefully. And hopefully you can find happiness and thrive too with the right support and encouragement and kindness.
Are you in contact on social media with the family for exchanging photos etc ?
I remember my grandmother found ways to be funny despite her health problems - and her legacy lives on in making us smile decades later. I feel sure it wasn't easy for her always - but I hope that my family will remember the things we encouraged them to do and to get involved in community. Ditch the harsh people who aren't gentle and encouraging.

It's hard to miss people we love - they sound like a really positive addition to the household. Hopefully they visit on special occasions.

One thing we have learned is that there's only one certain thing in life - ie change

Things keep changing and there's always a need to adapt which can be hard and exhausting and sad when it is something we don't want to see changed.

Of course your home will feel quieter and you will find it strange without them but for goodness sake they are across the town your heading how do I cope. It’s not the end of the world, you need to put things into perspective you will visit your grandchild for goodness sake don’t show your you are a wreck she doesn’t need to feel guilty for moving out . Find things do. You cannot live your life through your daughter and grandchild, I agree with bluebelle give your head a wobble

Do not let your daughter pick up on the fact that you are a wreck my post should say !

Change is usually a challenge, and it's natural to feel sad that these people you love have left your home. I hope you can allow yourself to feel the sadness - do not try to escape it, let it take its natural course and it will move on, even if you continue to miss them. But do drop the 'story' - train yourself to stop re-playing the thoughts about what has happened - it is real, but re-playing it digs deeper 'grooves' in your mind and does not help you move on. Feel the feelings and let the story go. You have a generous loving heart and you can move ahead.

Do what lots of ladies do, who have time on their hands. Volunteer with WRVS, a local charity, a local nursing home, .look around there are lots of things you can do instead of sitting around thinking how miserable you are

By the end of the year my daughter and 10 year old who has been in my house since birth are moving away. I know it will be hard as I grieved when another grandson whom I had cared for 35 hrs a week from 8 months old started school in a different area. So one thing I have learned is that I need to keep busy to fill that space and the sadness will pass blueeyes7202 while the bond remains. Getting a huge hug from a now taller than me 15 year old whenever we meet proves that.

DD suffered similarly, having had DGD living with her, being present at the birth and then unable to work due to lockdown. For those first 3years she was like another parent to little DGGS. Of course she dreaded them moving out and wept buckets, but takes him to school a couple of mornings each week, looks after him when needed and is a wonderful support to them both. After a few months she decided to take in a lodger, which meant there was a little extra money plus (although they rarely see each other) there’s someone in the house. It wasn’t easy for her but she was proud she’d reared an independent daughter, & the bond is as strong as ever. Love nearly always comes with pain at some point, I’m afraid. Good luck

💐💐 I know how difficult every stage of change is. I only looked after my DGD once a week, but this stopped when she started school. How I missed her, but having had your grandchild living with you full time must make this even harder for you. I survived and we both thrived- not really a great help, but feel for you. Remember no moaning and big smiles when you do meet up- important not to make your DD feel guilty for living her life 💐💐

Enjoy the peace and quiet.

Only across town? How lucky are you to be so close - mine are in France and two 50miles away!
Don’t worry she will call on you to baby sit. She knows you are there for them. Just let go for a while -
Think of just how lucky you’ve been up to now.
Volunteer at the local school as a TA - help little ones with their reading, toilet training - schools need us grannies👍😘

You are so fortunate to have spent such a lot of time with your grandchild. Treasure the memories and make plans to create new memories with your dd and dgd.
Find it in your heart to think of others not so fortunate as yourself; those grandparents and grandchildren who live too far apart and those denied any contact with each other, often for inexplicable reasons that cannot be fathomed out.
What I would give to hold my grandchildren just once and tell them how much I love them.

V3ra That was the first thing I thought of too - we don’t have all the circumstantial information that precipitated the move out. Apparently there is not a “father” or a partner for the new mother (?)

I hope it is an act that shows maturity on the part of new mum and baby to live their own life. She had a place to go to and perhaps even daycare set up if she works (?)
It could also be she found a new partner willing to take them both in (?)

Wishing everyone good health and happiness in this change.

Bluesyes7202 it will get easier as days go by but it sure feels empty right now, and quiet, with nothing to do.

This reminds me very much of my own grandmother who had our family of five including a newborn living with her for a couple of years. She would come over town once a week after we moved out bringing all sorts of lovely things. Buns, Window cake! It made our week and hers.
Plan your next visit across town, it is so much something to look forward to.

This happened to me some years ago when my daughter moved to Germany with my grand daughter who had also lived with me since birth. The bond was so great between us and it truly broke my heart.
It was like a bereavement…
Suddenly my home was empty and it took me months to get over it but eventually I did .. It just happened over time so be assured that this feeling of desolation will pass I promise ❤️

I think the thing is, which is probably difficult to understand if you’ve never been in that situation, is that you become a co-parent, and very involved with the child/children
I am fortunate that my daughter has only moved a few miles away, and I still se them on a weekly basis, but I’m not proud to admit, that I will always feel closer to them than any of my other grandchildren.

Sometimes when your life has been filled with something so consuming it leaves a big hole when it stops. This can also force you to confront anything it was distracting you from - fear of loneliness , anxiety, the need to feel useful
Have a good cry, then make plans for yourself- this would of course include your daughter . Make her a few freezer meals, plan some visits- but most of all be happy that you have given her the confidence to move on.
It’s Easter soon - time for planning a dinner and an egg hunt
Join some groups - visit the library or volunteer- you will be fine