Blamed for something I haven't done

You’re post is very muddled I’m not sure what you’ve been accused of.

So you’ve been ‘keeping a distance for 6 months’ on the advice of your counsellor and after a recent holiday with ‘my best friend’ who is a mutual friend of your son’s mum in law, relationships between you, your daughter in law and her mother have worsened. You add that the other gran is ‘jealous’ of your friendship with the mutual friend.

This is what `I made of your post, please tell me if I’ve got it wrong.

Six months is longish term . You don’t mention what you’ve ’been accused of’. My impression is of intense relationships where stepping back and calming down would help

I'm afraid I don't understand your post. Do you and dil's mother share a mutual friend? Is this the friend you went on holiday with this year and last year? Does your dil think you don't like her or her mother? What exactly have you been accused of?

It seems that you went away with the MIL's friend and when you came home you discovered that in your absence the MIL had told her daughter (your DIL) that you don't like her.. Very clearly a tit for tat jealousy issue.. But the question is 'why did your DIL believe her'.. do you have previous issues with her? You say that you love her, so why not sit down with her and tell her that?

I think Briget has been accused of not liking her son's m.i.l. which if that is the case is very churlish simply because she went on holiday with a friend who is also the friend of her son's m.i.l.

I do wish in situations like this that the son's didn't allow themselves to be drawn in. Your son IMO should tell his wife that this is between you and her mother and that her not talking to you (I'm assuming you missed the word talk out of your OP) is unacceptable because you have done nothing wrong.

It is very hurtful to be falsely accused of something especially when it's believed by others and they change toward you. I agree with your counsellor that you should keep your distance from your son's m.i.l.

As for your d.i.l. is looks to me as if you have two choices. Carry on as if nothing has happened and hope that she stops 'feeling uncomfortable around you' or, bite the bullet and tell her that her mother is wrong to say she doesn't like her (her mother) and that you're upset this seems to have come between you because of how much you love her.

I have no idea which of the various suggested meanings is correct. We can’t offer advice if we don’t understand what the problem is.

Sorry for the confusion I've only done 1 post before.
I was told last year after having issues with the other grandmother just to keep my distance and go about life. Which worked well. As I've said in my post this new issue has happened. My friend and I went away as per post. My friend is also friends with other grandma. If she's not asked she gets angry. This latest issue has 1 day after I got home

Smileless2012

I think Briget has been accused of not liking her son's m.i.l. which if that is the case is very churlish simply because she went on holiday with a friend who is also the friend of her son's m.i.l.

I do wish in situations like this that the son's didn't allow themselves to be drawn in. Your son IMO should tell his wife that this is between you and her mother and that her not talking to you (I'm assuming you missed the word talk out of your OP) is unacceptable because you have done nothing wrong.

It is very hurtful to be falsely accused of something especially when it's believed by others and they change toward you. I agree with your counsellor that you should keep your distance from your son's m.i.l.

As for your d.i.l. is looks to me as if you have two choices. Carry on as if nothing has happened and hope that she stops 'feeling uncomfortable around you' or, bite the bullet and tell her that her mother is wrong to say she doesn't like her (her mother) and that you're upset this seems to have come between you because of how much you love her.

You may be right Smileless but then did OP love the MIL..It's a very unclear comment..

sorry, that should have read 'that her mother is wrong to say you don't like her (her mother).

I’ll be honest, I’m not sure what business it is of anyone’s who you choose to holiday with and why would your MiL be upset? Have you inadvertently said something your mutual friend has repeated out of context?

Are there some previous “issues” between you and your DiL and her mother of which we are not aware?

I have no meaningful advice as I’m not really sure what the problems actually are here and your MiL thinking “you don’t like her”, just seems so childish.

Still non the wiser.

Smileless2012

sorry, that should have read 'that her mother is wrong to say you don't like her (her mother).

I wasn't saying that your comment was unclear Smileless..but now look how easy it is to be unclear!!

I’m none the wiser either.

It can be crushing when people say things to make you feel bad. I too have had my character slandered though not quite in the way you have described although the impact was far more serious.

In the end we can only do our best to be seen as good people, how other people judge us we have no control over.

Are you still in counselling? It would seem to me that there are long term issues here you have not resolved in yourself.

I say in yourself because I suspect the people you have mentioned don't really give this issue that much thought and therefore you don't have the impact you might think you have.

Stop torturing yourself. No one is perfect. We all say and do the wrong thing sometimes, and so do others. I hope you find the peace you seem to be seeking from what other people have pointed out, is all rather petty.

Sounds like your son’s mother-in-law is very childish. Keep a safe distance for your own well-being. Be civil with everyone.
This is playground stuff and doesn’t merit you getting upset over it.

I think I understand it now, the person the OP went on holiday with is friends with both her and the daughters Mother, the daughters Mother became jealous of this, and decided to tell the DIl that OP did not like her or DIl.
The above was a lie and manipulation on behalf of the sons MIL. Posters son has stupidly got involved in petty jealousy.
My advice is, to now not engage or get involved, you have done nothing wrong, unless there is a backstory. Your son needs to grow a backbone and tell them he is not getting involved with this stupidity, and as for affecting his marriage then he needs to look at where that is going wrong.
I know you are upset but take a step back, get on with your life and refuse to discuss this further after you tell them once this silly scenario is untrue.

You're right pascal and I read it through before posting .

I agree rafichagran I wonder how many of these petty issues would be solved if the sons refused to get drawn into petty differences between their wives, m's.i.l and mothers.

It's not your responsibility to sort out any problems with his marriage Briget. I hope you'll take rafichagran's advice and get on with your life and refuse to discuss this further after you tell them once this silly scenario is untrue.