Distressed Grandma

Time for them to move out.

I'm so sorry you have this problem. I have a similar issue. my daughter has two, a two year old and a nine month old. she has anger issues amongst other things that I have been dealing with for years. if it were not for my grandchildren I would not have anything to do with her. I have lost so much because of her and supporting all three of them. I don't know what to do, the children would not be ok with her alone but I can't stand being around her. I am single and struggling to keep a float. I just don't know what to do but my patience with her is done. if I get child services involved I may never see my grandchildren again. I have supported them both since birth. If she suspects I have contacted them she may do something stupid. She has fought me twice in the past. I'm just tired of her disrespect and nastiness. I'm afraid for my grandchildren all the time. She sees a therapist but it's not helping.

Oopsadaisy1

SMA1218 in England all people living in the property have to sign the contract when the house is sold, if they won’t sign it then the OP can’t sell.

True! I was surprised when my son had to sign some papers when I sold my house 2.5yrs ago.

Good advice on here for you, but if you are only moving to get rid of them living with you, then rather give them notice to quit, tying in their condo being free. Good luck.

Oopsadaisy1

SMA1218 in England all people living in the property have to sign the contract when the house is sold, if they won’t sign it then the OP can’t sell.

I don't think that's right. If the house is in joint ownership, then they have to sign, but I'm pretty sure that any person who is just living there doesn't need to sign or even consent.

I'm willing to stand corrected, but that's news to me.

SMA1218 in England all people living in the property have to sign the contract when the house is sold, if they won’t sign it then the OP can’t sell.

Something tells me that this isn't the first time that you have been made out to be the bad guy. That guilt is you feel is cultivated over many years of abuse and controlling behavior by your son. Difficult children turn into difficult adults. Children have a way of making parents scared of their volatile behavior, and parents adapt and cower to them to keep the peace. I saw this often when I was a high school teacher.
Sell your home and pray they don't squat in it. Find a place that is small and only has 55 and up if you are that age; otherwise, they may find a way to move into wherever you go next. They will come around with the baby eventually, but if they don't then they just don't, and you will have to accept that. You can't let them abuse you any longer. Toxic children are real. This isn't going to be easy.

Bless you
It is so hard when all you have is love for your son and grandson. But your son is not acting reasonably - he maybe angry with you, I have learned as a parent you do your best - now all you can do is let them go. Your son needs to stop blaming everyone and take responsibility - its not easy as he is still your baby and wants you to put everything right .. but if he cant see that maybe he has a personality disorder and needs medical help
Please do not blame yourself - the hardest job is being a parent

Why on earth should you feel guilty? It is they that should be feeling guilty, living off you for so long and not contributing.

You are the victim of elder abuse and in the UK you could report them to the police.

Stop being a doormat for them to wipe their feet on. Give them their marching orders, sell your house and start putting yourself first.

It sounds like you are taking the right steps by selling your home but that could take any amount of time. You should not be forced to live with people who cannot show you basic courtesy and have taken away things that were either yours or given as gifts.

I would genuinely have an eviction notice drawn up now because selling your home and evicting them at the same time will put you under incredible stress.

I'm so sorry, but as the others have said, look after yourself!

They are financially and emotionally bullying you, and as above, re-do your will and leave it to your grandchildren - there may eventually be more than 1? However, make sure it is tied up so that they can't use it, as no doubt they will! Maybe when he/they are 25 they can inherit?

Just terrible ....

^ I know it is best that I separate but I keep feeling guilty that I will be accused of not caring about my grandson. They do have a condo that they have rented out and my son always complains that he does not have enough money although they just came back from Jamaica on first class tickets. I am very depressed, anxious and confused as my guilt is taking over me although I know I am suffering. I blame myself for being a coward and my extended family is fed up of me as they have seen my son making life difficult for me^

The answers are all in this last part.
Especially the first 8 words.

It sounds horrible. Your DS has been manipulating and controlling you.
Why do you host them all rent free?
You seem to have allowed this situation but nobody is happy with it.
Do you have a trusted friend or relative who could help you sort things out?
Sell the house if that's what you want but perhaps explain why to son and DiL. If you are straight with them, they may be more inclined to be straight with you.

I lived in the same house as my mother for several years with my husband and 3 DC and it drove me insane. We got along far better after she moved out.

Hello Gurms. The first thing I would do is read through your OP as if it had been written by someone else, and then think about what advice you would give.

Your son IMO has totally overreacted to what you shared with your friend. They live with you and you are now being prevented from seeing your GS; is that correct?

If so, it is time for them to leave your home regardless of whether or not you decide to move. Give them the same amount of notice they will need to give the tenant of their condo so they can move in there.

When parents decide to stop contact between their child and the child's GP for such a petty reason it is them who are in the wrong not you, so there is absolutely no reason for you to feel guilty and it certainly doesn't mean that you don't care about your GS.

You're not a coward, you are a loving, caring and generous mother, m.i.l. and GM who has been taken advantage of, and is now being treated badly by the adults you have supported and cared for.

It is time for you to put yourself first; good luck .

First of all I am very happy not to be in this position- which sounds horrendous for you.

Here in the UK (which I suspect you aren't) I would serve them with a notice to leave. They are harassing you in your own home and that is very wrong, and it sounds as if you are prepared to sell the house just because they are almost forcing you into this position.
I don't know what the rules are where you are but this situation is clearly intolerable for you.
Do not allow them to use your grandchild as a bargaining chip, although I know this is distressing for you.
It would seem you have made too many allowances for your son- stop doing this and get help.
Maybe your son will realise you are serious when you put the house up for sale, maybe he won't. I would also cut him out of my will and leave his share to the grandchild.
Meanwhile I would work on raising my self-esteem, gather some allies and get on with my life.
You deserve your own life now.

What a dreadful situation to be in. You are being treated as a doormat, they are metaphorically wiping their feet on your care and good nature. If you are not allowed to see your grandchild, despite living in the same house, then you really do need to find your own place and stop them sponging off you.. Do you have friends who can help you with the move? You could do with some friendly support. Start thinking about the future you would like, and start working towards it, I am sure we all wish you well. It will take courage, but you can do it!