Son not allowed to take baby out alone

I think this is more common that you think. I know of at least two couples right now that have this same arrangement. One is a mother who isn't allowed to take the baby out without husband unless it is to the daycare. The husband has anxiety about it. The other is a woman who just doesn't trust her husband to watch the baby, no particular reason, but also just can deal with the Anxiety.

This next generation has lots of anxiety. There are books and articles written about it. Read up on it and you will understand more about what is going on.

Philippa60 I'm sorry that two years on your daughter-in-law and therefore your son too, are still struggling.
I do hope she gets more help in future.

Our son (in Perth Australia) is in the same situation. He cannot go out alone with the child (she is now 2 years 2 months old). The mother does suffer from severe post natal anxiety, barely getting treatment.
Obviously we are not allowed to spend ANY time alone with the child when we visit, but that's less of an issue.
My son cannot drive alone in the car with the child or even go out for a walk with her alone.
Just wanted to share so you know you are not alone in this.
I am lucky to have a daughter who lives near me with 4 kids and I am a very hands-on grandmother to them!
Best, Philippa

I can relate to your DIL. Not depression - most likely her first baby. Just visit in her home so the baby doesn't need to leave home. Don't make a fuss about it and enjoy your visit. I didn't let my husband take the baby either.

silverlining48.I would never have trusted anyone with my babies at 6 months (except their father) - and though I was breastfeeding I don't honestly believe this was why.

I wouldn't have wanted my husband to take our babies out in the car alone either now I think about it... but then I never let them cry either and they don't all love the car seat!

Like nanaK54 I think you should go to visit the baby at its home as offered.
You don't need to have the little one at your house or take them out.

Your son is the only person who can speak to his wife about him doing things with the baby without her.

He may or may not be excellent at home but only she knows how she feels.
If he's really bothered he must speak to her about it.

I hope you are able to go on visiting and in future things will become easier.

She may be going out because she is too anxious to watch her baby with others (being held differently or someone not noticing an expression that she sees for example) or she may be going out out of a feeling that you want time without her.
These are compromises on her part I think. I'd accept the visits to the baby's home with grace.

I'm a bit wary of the "very special bond" comment. I think your son would be better communicating his feelings to his wife rather than his mother. As he has suggested PN issues surely he should be gently guiding her to seek professional help.

Try not to critcise the baby’s mother and hope it passes in time,
Our daughter was extremely anxious and it was hard not to feel we weren’t trusted so understand how you feel.

My son and I have a very special bond. I never suggest how to raise their child or how they are in their relationship. It’s not just coming to see me. I can go them. The problem is he isn’t being trusted to leave the house with the baby to go anywhere. My son has communicated his feelings. But suggested postnatal issues. I just wondered if others had developed this fear. My son is alone in the house with baby. My house is spotless. It’s something I hope will pass. Thank you to everyone

You're allowed to visit with the baby.

You're allowed to be alone with your son and the baby.

Where you visit with your son and baby is unacceptable.

Perhaps ask yourself why you care where you visit?

Did you want to hear opinions on baby care? We wanted no opinions, advice, criticism - I doubt many do, please don't complain to son.

Sounds like post-natal depression to me, unless of course, your son's partner is the victim of sexual abuse as a child.

Please, tread very carefully here. You can do nothing except listen to your son and encourage him to try to find out why his partner is behaving like this and encourage her to seek professional help.

Anything you say to her will be taken as criticism and make things worse not better.

For the time being, visit as she suggests. If that works well, your son may be "allowed" to take his child to visit you.

But this is presumably a psycological problem that needs competent professional help, and your son is the only person who has any right to try to convince his partner of this.

It reads as tip of the iceberg - way more not written here

I had post natal depression and yes can understand ‘safe place’

Is there anything about your home that is worrying the mother. Smoking? Pets? Cleanliness? Etc etc.

You may just need to comply with her wishes. It is up to your son to change things if he wants to.

But the baby is at home safe, not outside of her home so it's not the fact she doesn't trust her husband or that shes doing out of hate for the mil as she's offering to leave the house.

It sounds like she like she's anxious of her baby being out of the house, out of her safe space.

Maybe the son doesn't want to take the child to his mother's and is using the partner as an excuse. Easier to say "she won't let me"than "I don't want to come".
It's so easy to blame one person in a relationship especially if you don't get on.
But as it is letting him go anywhere (I wonder how she knows this?) maybe not.
Posts like this only ever give one point of view and relationships are so much more complex.

Often anxiety (also often linked with depression) can make anyone behave in what appears to be a controlling way. The feeling runs something like 'as long as x / y/ / z is in place, I can cope'. Any logic is not always apparent to outsiders.
It isn't really about 'standing up' - it is gently helping. In this case (and with little information) it might be about baby, dad, nan, walking to the end of the street, round to a neighbour, or a very local errand. Let that settle, then something a bit further afield.

If mum doesn't really get on with Pleasing ( a shame) then she may have some specific issues which she doesn't want Pleasing told about - some experiences from childhood, or messages from her own parents & family that make her so wary. I have certainly known some mums for whom the act of going out and leaving their baby with dad was a huge step. That may be where it has to rest for now.

Regardless of whether the ^feeling is mutual Pleasing's son needs to stand up to his wife. The child is as much his as her's.

The OP's d.i.l. not being at home when she visits clearly demonstrates that not being with the child isn't an issue. I do wish that the other partner in these situations stood up for their mum's and stop this unfair controlling behaviour.

OP says she does visit and the mum goes out. So mum isn't afraid to be away from the baby and leaves the baby with the son. What it seems to be is mum doesn't want the son taking the baby to his mum's, and the clue is in the words "his partner doesn't like me". I suspect the feeling is mutual.
Maybe baby staying home is just a protective response to the danger of infections.

Is there any reason why you can't visit their home?

Your son doesn’t help around the house, it is his house so he just does necessary chores.

He has as much rights over the child as the mother , if he doesn't simply say that he is taking the baby out then that is down to him, I doubt the mother asks if she can take the baby somewhere.

Visit baby in baby's home, simple. If your son's not happy about his wife's opinions it's up to him to sort it out.

March glad it worked out for you.

It sounds like extreme anxiety possibly post natal depression which can be totally debilitating
Do not put pressure on her and just be patient. I doubt it’s anything to do with her not liking you.

I had postnatal anxiety and it made me behave like that, I didn't want her going anywhere out of my sight because I was convinced she would die in a car crash.
Had CBT in the end and worked wonders, she's 14 now and never experienced it with the other 2.