Grandson has been adopted - memory box ideas?

As Madeleine says, he may not attempt to find his birth family until he’s much older than 18 or even not at all. Many of the adopted ‘children’ we see on tv are often middle aged, perhaps out of loyalty to their adopted family. Although with so many of the population doing dna tests it is easier to be found nowadays. If not directly, but through a relative.

As an adoptee, I think your idea of keeping a photo of yourselves each year would be wonderful. Perhaps with an explanation? Eg. This is us camping in Spain/building the shed/wedding anniversary etc. Great talking points too if you able to meet up one day.

I wish you well.

I have a grandson who I only saw when he was one.. his mother disappeared with him and we have had no contact since. There was some talk of him not being my son's child as well. I have always loved him and thought of him. I am leaving him a healthy chunk of money in my will and hope my executors can find him.. I think a box with photos and cards would be lovely..

A birthday card each year is a lovely idea with a small gift. and have you also considered some photographs - if he does contact you when he is 18 yrs old he might want to learn more about your past from when he was a baby.

I think that madeleine has given good advice here GrandmaLouise. I am the proud grandmother of a little boy adopted by my son and DIL as a baby and he brings us all joy every day. However, I am ever mindful that our gain comes at someone 's loss. I hope that brings you some comfort.

I can understand how difficult it is for you. My sons first wife left him with his little boy, moved away, wouldnt accept any contact from us with our grandson and then after a year moved abroad and we have had no contact since then. I am now a widow and can only hope that when he is an adult he will try to get in touch. So my suggestions are ; perhaps you could get a birthday card for each year and could y ou put a photo of yourselves that you take on that day too? If you have a particular hobby, gardening or fishing or whatever a picture of you involved in that would be good. If he gets in touch then he will be able to see where you lived and what you were doing and how you looked over the years and it would show him that you never forgot him.
Also there could sadly be the possibility that he may not think to look for y ou at 18 but it could be many years before something sets him onto wanting to trace his origins and birth family. So that even if he only found out this information in his 60's , he could see what you were like and have that knowledge that you never forgot him.
Again from a practical point of view, perhaps you could put a small sum of money on his birthday in an account , with a building society or bank in your own name, but which you know is meant for him, and you could tell your son where it is for the future.
My own son is adopted , and so I can see this from both sides . We have never made a secret of this fact and his name is Daniel , which means "the chosen one" and when he was grown up we were able to help him find out what he wanted to about his birth family. I do think photographs over the years will be treasured , if and when he gets in touch, and in any case you will be able to look back over the years and remind yourself what you were doing at that time. Or you could get a small photo album and each year put the picture into that. Again when he comes to find his past, it will show him that he was still always part of your family and was never forgotten. Best wishes

I think a card and/or a note is a good idea.
Not sure about gifts as you won't have contact - for at least many many years.

Thinking of you.

Its even more painful as it's my niece's first birthday this week too so it's just on my mind how I should be celebrating with him too

Theexwife

That’s a lovely idea, maybe the gifts could be themed so every year you will add to the collection, a certain animal or character item.

My idea is to write about our feelings etc in each card. Maybe news events, we have new king Charles £10 notes out so going to put one of those in etc x

I won't have any contact. It would be something I keep until he got in touch when old enough. I'm 45 now so I'd be 62 if he ever made contact. I'd just want him to know we did care. We tried for custody but our living arrangements weren't suitable. My son walked away as they split up after he was born. I kept in touch with mum, she said he was my son's but is reported in social services notes as being highly manipulative and deceitful. So I don't know, am I prolonging the agony of holding onto this for 18 years not knowing

That’s a lovely idea, maybe the gifts could be themed so every year you will add to the collection, a certain animal or character item.

Grandma?luise - welcome to GN. I’m sure there is another of our GN, going through similar. I feel for you . And the sweet baby, whether he is your grandson or not.

Have you checked that will be able to receive gifts. As far as I am aware it is in the child’s best interest to cut contact with the birth family.

Welcome

I think cards and little presents are always nice for precious children.