Choice of childcare day

If there are difficulties between your children there may be resentment if they think you are trying to get their children together in order to get the siblings together. In the circumstances it’s best avoided.

beware of interfering.
sounds like you are trying to correct the family dynamic, in your eyes.
no.
might alienate both parties.

I don’t think being paid or not is at issue here, but convenience to OP

I have my grandson two days a week Monday and Friday but Friday is all night my other grandchild she goes to a childminder my daughter inlaw said she wants me to stay nanna not nanny lol no I don’t get paid in cash I get paid in love. Don’t know why anyone would expect to be paid unless it was towards day trips etc i used to give my parents cash if I knew they were taking mine to zoo etc but I knew they didn’t like taking it but money went on my kids anyway.

Apologies for not reading all the way through but my first thought was about the Childminder. She may not be willing to have your DGC for fewer days in the week/or that arrangement of days so the place might be lost altogether if she needs to fill all 5 days of the week.

Child ready has daycare. Your offer, if it helps DS in any way should be taken as a generous gesture. If day doesn't fit, you at least offered.

Notjustaprettyface - I can understand why you would like the cousins to meet up and play together. I am exactly like you. Fortunately, the two d.I.ls get on well and meet up often with the children for ‘play dates’. A chance for them to discuss their m.I.l. (Me 😂)

Given the parents of both kids don't get along, I would not suggest that arrangement or even think of proceeding with it

Summerlove

Notjustaprettyface

Thank you everybody
You all seem to agree that it’s my prerogative to say which day I would like to do
So I will but like you also said , I must not get upset if they say no
I think that you are right summerlove about it not being my job to facilitate contact between the cousins but at the moment , there is some bad feeling between the parents and it hurts me that these kids don’t meet
The other reason is that I would like to keep one day free

If there is bad feeling between the parents, tread very carefully. It’s very possible they might not want the children together.

Of course they won't want their children together if they have bad feelings for each other. Perhaps leave that bit alone, none of your business, really.

Notjustaprettyface

Thank you everybody
You all seem to agree that it’s my prerogative to say which day I would like to do
So I will but like you also said , I must not get upset if they say no
I think that you are right summerlove about it not being my job to facilitate contact between the cousins but at the moment , there is some bad feeling between the parents and it hurts me that these kids don’t meet
The other reason is that I would like to keep one day free

If there is bad feeling between the parents, tread very carefully. It’s very possible they might not want the children together.

Thank you everybody
You all seem to agree that it’s my prerogative to say which day I would like to do
So I will but like you also said , I must not get upset if they say no
I think that you are right summerlove about it not being my job to facilitate contact between the cousins but at the moment , there is some bad feeling between the parents and it hurts me that these kids don’t meet
The other reason is that I would like to keep one day free

Notjustaprettyface

Thank you and yes I am unpaid !
Why do you think it might cause family discord ?

Families can be funny things that's all, Just thinking one parent might like things done a certain way, and one another way. Sibling rivalry and all that.
Maybe your kids are not like that so it won't be a thing.

I can understand why you don’t want to have a third day a week with childcare, and why you think it would be nice for the cousins to get to know each other, giving you that third day to do what you want to do, probably rest given how hard it can be as we age.
By looking after grandchildren we are saving our children a lot of money so say what you are prepared to do and if that’s not acceptable to the parents then they make other arrangements.

What Norah said

There are so many other factors to take into consideration here for this to work
Constraints from her daycare, how her parents envision the arrangement, etc

Of course you may offer childcare on Wednesday (or any day you prefer). Equally they may decline your kind offer of this favour.

I don't believe grandparent's concern includes managing cousins interactions, that's for parents to sort. I'd not allude to my desire to facilitate cousin interactions, parents responsibility if they choose - just my opinion.

Absolutely you can choose the day you offer, however they can equally choose to say no. Especially if Wednesday is a daycare day currently.

I find it “odd” (for lack of a better word) that you also want to do it on a day that you have other children. Personally, I would think you would want to have time alone so that this grandchild gets to know you the same way the other ones do. It’s also not your job to make sure that the cousins know each other if the parents are not facilitating this on their own for whatever reason..

You are offering a kind thing to do child care, but don’t take offense if they have reasons that they can’t accept your offer.

BlueBelle

Do grandparents now expect to be paid for having the privilege of looking after their own flesh and blood !

I understand how you feel BlueBelle but some grandparents put in a lot care hours for their grandchildren. I think it's not unreasonable to expect expenses to be covered, transport, outings, nappies, bedding etc.

Of course you are not being unreasonable! You are already providing child care on two days s week. It will be a lovely opportunity for the cousins to be together, stick to Wednesdays, your AC are very fortunate to have you.

Yes of course you should ask for a particular day. Anyway you have a very good reason. I was able to be a bit more flexible than you but I did tell the GCs parents about my preferences and any other commitments.

If course you

BlueBelle

Do grandparents now expect to be paid for having the privilege of looking after their own flesh and blood !

I, like many other grandparents, regularly look after my grandchildren and, like many other grandparents, it would not cross my mind to expect payment.
However, I expect to have some leeway when it comes to fitting in appointments for medical, dental and optical treatment. AIBU?

The alternative thought is don’t be hurt if they say thanks but no thanks! It’s a kind thought but they don’t have to take up the offer.

Do grandparents now expect to be paid for having the privilege of looking after their own flesh and blood !

Without knowing your family dynamic it is a bit difficult to make a helpful comment. I assume from your comment that there is no family discord. I take it you all live locally. How close are the the two families? Do they meet regularly?

You seem to enjoy and be very capable of childminding these very young children. Is the reason your son chose a paid childminder just because he felt, quite reasonably, that you had enough to do already? As you are unpaid, it is, of course, up to you which days you mind these children.

I told my dd and Dsil that I would look after grandchildren on a Monday and Tuesday. Those were the days I felt comfortable offering as I had plans for the rest of the week. There was no complaints from them as they knew I meant it. I'm not paid either but I didn't expect to be. I think you are doing a lovely thing, building a relationship between cousins