Disciplining grandchildren when in my home

Sorry if my reply about Scotland offended some of you
The fact that it is illegal to smack a child in some parts of the uk doesn’t make it right or relevant
I am 66 and I got smacked when I was naughty
It was not abuse , it was correcting naughty behaviour
There is a difference !
I have said that yes I shouldn’t have smacked him but he had hit me , he was out of control and I didn’t know what else to do
I did not hurt him and as I said , it is not abuse , it is discipline
It’s very unlikely to happen again as I will take on board the supportive messages I have received and I will set boundaries as to how much childcare I provide from now on
Thanks to those of you who have understood my predicament and given me encouragement

I think probably most of us were smacked as children. I also smacked my own children occasionally, but I really wish I hadn’t, and I’m certainly not proud of it.
I honestly get what you were feeling, but I don’t think you should have smacked him, I would have been furious if my mother or mother in law had smacked one of my children.

Sara1954

I think probably most of us were smacked as children. I also smacked my own children occasionally, but I really wish I hadn’t, and I’m certainly not proud of it.
I honestly get what you were feeling, but I don’t think you should have smacked him, I would have been furious if my mother or mother in law had smacked one of my children.

I wasn't.

I only smacked one of mine once and regretted it but she has said since she knows she was a very trying child and probably deserved it.

As for smacking grandchildren - never.

Notjustaprettyface
Thank you for your response and just wish to say I totally agree with you.

I am 66 and I got smacked when I was naughty
It was not abuse , it was correcting naughty behaviour
There is a difference !
I have said that yes I shouldn’t have smacked him but he had hit me , he was out of control and I didn’t know what else to do
I did not hurt him and as I said , it is not abuse , it is discipline

I can understand and sympathise that you were at the end of your tether, it was really too much and you do a lot of childcare.

However, the way you were brought up normalised smacking whereas some of us were not brought up that way (I'm older than you) so personally don't think a very large adult smacking a very small child is a reasonable way to discipline little children, however trying they can be.

I hope you can sort this out amicably with your family and I'm sure your DGS still loves you 🙂

Having young grandchildren overnight is exhausting and can be stressful, especially if they have meltdowns, wanting mummy and daddy, screaming, waking up in the night or at the crack of dawn. I don’t blame the OP for cracking and phoning the mum. Say no to sleepovers unless it’s an emergency or until they are a bit older.

Sara1954

I think probably most of us were smacked as children. I also smacked my own children occasionally, but I really wish I hadn’t, and I’m certainly not proud of it.
I honestly get what you were feeling, but I don’t think you should have smacked him, I would have been furious if my mother or mother in law had smacked one of my children.

Sara1954 I think probably most of us were smacked as children.

No. Smacking is abuse, whitewashing doesn't make it less so.

I rather wonder when ones child marries and their spouse learns of smacking - the spouse rightfully distances their pils from those smacking people? GP never seem to consider that which is normal to them, but is absolutely abusive, likely will not be normal or acceptable to "new family members".

Notjustaprettyface

GrauntyHelen
I couldn’t care less what they do in Scotland
I don’t live there and never will

Was this comment somehow necessary?

Just as I find it unreasonable to ask young mums to justify their days, whether they work, put their children in clubs, have childcare or are sahm, negative comments are unnecessary.

Sara1954

I think probably most of us were smacked as children. I also smacked my own children occasionally, but I really wish I hadn’t, and I’m certainly not proud of it.
I honestly get what you were feeling, but I don’t think you should have smacked him, I would have been furious if my mother or mother in law had smacked one of my children.

I’m with you, exactly the same, was smacked, did smack, but really wish I hadn’t and I would have gone bonkers if anyone else had smacked my children

Btw, smacking a small child as an adult absolutely is abuse and how you would actually know if you hurt him or not?

Adults are so much larger and stronger than a small child, if you’d smacked an adult legally this would be assault.

So ideally all child care should be one to one. This would ensure that whatever state of mind the child is in they can receive individual attention.

Smacking is abuse, in many places it’s illegal no pretending or excuses: you lost control, what would happen if you lost control with someone else or someone else’s child? Would you hit anyone else into submission? How is teaching grandchildren not to use violence by using violence on them? And most confusing to me is why on earth would you want to hurt the very people you should want to protect from harm?? Sorry but no excusing and if you were my mum you would have to understand that before you saw my children again!

12Jade34

Smacking is abuse, in many places it’s illegal no pretending or excuses: you lost control, what would happen if you lost control with someone else or someone else’s child? Would you hit anyone else into submission? How is teaching grandchildren not to use violence by using violence on them? And most confusing to me is why on earth would you want to hurt the very people you should want to protect from harm?? Sorry but no excusing and if you were my mum you would have to understand that before you saw my children again!

I agree. I can't believe that there are a few who don't understand this. Mum would be well over 100, she understood.

My grandparents were born late 19 century, the didn’t smack my parents who were born in 1922 and 1923. My parents brought 3 daughters up,- no smacking.

12Jade34

Smacking is abuse, in many places it’s illegal no pretending or excuses: you lost control, what would happen if you lost control with someone else or someone else’s child? Would you hit anyone else into submission? How is teaching grandchildren not to use violence by using violence on them? And most confusing to me is why on earth would you want to hurt the very people you should want to protect from harm?? Sorry but no excusing and if you were my mum you would have to understand that before you saw my children again!

Entirely agree. We raised our kids without hitting anyone , and I’m far from young. And had anyone - including a grandparent hit my child for any reason they’d have been barred from seeing them again until they fully understood how wrong they were and apologized to myself and my child

My parents hit us. They called it smacking to minimise it, and I'm sure would have talked about a 'tap', when it was nothing of the sort. Changing the vocabulary doesn't change the action, or the impact of it.

I didn't hit my children, and made it very clear to my mother that on the rare occasions she looks after them she wasn't to do so either, under any circumstances. There is just no need.

Just stop and think - the person you love and you assume loves you and who is bigger than you and normally caring and nurturing.
Mummy, Daddy, Grandma - or your husband.
Then they hit you - for whatever reason.
If anybody argues that Grandma’s rules obtain in Grandma’s house then we cannot be surprised if our grandchildren’s parents choose not to trust us with them

Grams2five

12Jade34

Smacking is abuse, in many places it’s illegal no pretending or excuses: you lost control, what would happen if you lost control with someone else or someone else’s child? Would you hit anyone else into submission? How is teaching grandchildren not to use violence by using violence on them? And most confusing to me is why on earth would you want to hurt the very people you should want to protect from harm?? Sorry but no excusing and if you were my mum you would have to understand that before you saw my children again!

Entirely agree. We raised our kids without hitting anyone , and I’m far from young. And had anyone - including a grandparent hit my child for any reason they’d have been barred from seeing them again until they fully understood how wrong they were and apologized to myself and my child

I agree. I've never known anyone to hit a child - it's bad parenting.

I'll go further: If anyone hit a child/GC/GGC of ours they'd be cut away. I've never had a problem telling others what behaviour is acceptable.

RosiesMaw2

Just stop and think - the person you love and you assume loves you and who is bigger than you and normally caring and nurturing.
Mummy, Daddy, Grandma - or your husband.
Then they hit you - for whatever reason.
If anybody argues that Grandma’s rules obtain in Grandma’s house then we cannot be surprised if our grandchildren’s parents choose not to trust us with them

Indeed. Anyone who was hit as a child, and has hit theirs - should have no doubt why they never see their GC/GGC.

Always a trust issue.

You have to look into what is like for a child to be dysregulated. Never hit him!!! He most likely is having sensory issues due to not being able to get regulated.

The tantrum isn't him being bad, it is him needed to self-regulate. Learn about being a co-regulator with the child.

The whole situation was a recipe for disaster.

I completely agree with you

Sorry but if my mother had smacked my children she would not be seeing them again. As previous posters have said he needed cuddles not discipline.

I think smacking is abuse,too. My mother in law once shut my daughter in a cupboard as punishment which I think was marginally worse. Never left them in her care again, ever. Kids can be very, very trying as we all know but I think to smack them makes them even worse. Maybe one exception- if a child runs out into the road near traffic!

You admitted to being angry and overwhelmed and hitting the child.

Not someone I’d trust with my kid again.