Anxious grandparent

I’m with you Caztown, if people could just ‘get over’ these things they would, nobody can enjoy feelings like this.

Anxiety about anything can make life a nightmare. I finally got some relief after trying various things by listening to a podcast called ‘Disordered - Anxiety Help’ by two qualified psychologists, guys who have been through anxiety too. It’s fun as well as serious and comforting.
By the way, comments like “Just get over it” or “Pull yourself together “ are very unhelpful in my opinion. Let’s be kind.

As some posters upthread have stated there is a tendency for some of us to lose confidence as we get older and our physical fitness declines. I could not do today some of the things I did in the past - even if I had my mobility back.

Maybe you could cut down your visits to every 3/4 weeks for the present. Meantime you could pursue some of the potential strategies other posters have suggested - such as counselling or CBT.

I posted that before I’d finished - sorry!
Do you spend much time with him and his parents? I’m sure that would reassure you in that you do much the same with him as they do!

I do feel for you, Georgiag, being anxious about things is all-consuming.
I never drove when my children were very young, do never had the experience of driving with little ones in the car. I was very anxious on the few occasions I took my young grandchildren any distance, but this diminished as they grew.

Get over it. Have his parents complained, if not, carry on.

I’m sorry you’re feeling anxious around your dgs. I was wondering if the mum is an anxious mum, or very particular about parenting, which is making you anxious. Parenting of babies and young children has changed a lot over the years . I don’t have GC but lots of my friends do and they all say how things have changed . They also say how they have to watch what they say and do, as new parents seem to take offence easily, which I get as it’s a stressful , anxious time . I used to do the eye roll and count to ten with both sets of GP.
I recommend some therapy which will give you coping strategies.

I find it hard to let my youngest grandson (5) loose to play when we're out, I don't like heights myself and worry about him falling off things or into water. Quite neurotic of me really, I was far less concerned and bossy with my own four. I worry less about my granddaughters, they're not such foolhardy risk-takers!

I would suggest you really need to curb your anxiety around your grandson as it can transfer onto him. Children are very sensitive to adults behaviour.

I would lay awake all night watching the camera monitor when my granddaughter first came to stay, worried she would stop breathing etc etc. I also have irrational fears when they go away on holiday eg they are in Cornwall this week so every night nightmares about sharks. I did get therapy for it which taught me relaxation techniques, breathing exercises, and CBT taught me to to say affirmations like "nothing bad happened last time, nothing bad will happen this time" if you can speak to your own child and explain your fears maybe they could help with reassuring support "It's OK mum you are doing great, everything is fine" looking after grandkids is way more stressful than your own, but although I still get like it I have found using these techniques has eased the levels of anxiety, sending hugs x

I understand how you feel. You haven’t mentioned your age but just curious whether the menopause is contributing to your anxiety. If so it can cause havoc on many aspects of life and tasks you once did without even thinking about it. My granddaughter is 18 months old and it’s come as a bit of a shock how much child rearing has changed since I had my own daughter 30 years ago. Also during the past couple of years the whole world feels to have become harsher and less friendly. This causes me so much anxiety as I worry about the future for our children and grandchildren. I suppose we have to try and overcome our fears and concentrate on the special times we have with our nearest and dearest in the present time. By reaching out you are making great strides towards happier and less anxious times ahead. I wish you well and hope your usual confidence returns. Like you say you have raised a family so you know you can continue your good work.

Chill and enjoy your grandson in no time at all he will be a teenager and away with his mates or on his x box

He has got to this stage and all is fine so bear that in mind . If there are two of you there there is little chance of anything going wrong do just try and enjoy him.
I cannot believe when in my late 20s with two children under school age of my own I would get a foster baby straight from the hospital where they were born and they were 7 days old . They just slotted into the family life . My mother was a well respected health visitor and she maintained a little bit of neglect did no harm . By neglect she meant letting a bit of dust stay, cutting time on cooking etc. if there were other priorities.

Perhaps ask your AC to stay with their child during visits. I don't care to watch small children (under 10 or so) without their parents.

Maybe your AC could help you feel less anxious?

Does your husband get involved with your GC? Maybe you could just be there and step back a little.ie let your husband take the responsibility..

Thank you all so much for your advice and kind words. I’m overwhelmed by such kindness. X

Just wondering if you are being ‘over supervised from afar’ by your gc parents checking etc which can affect confidence.
If not try not to worry, easy to say I know, but it seems to me you are doing fine.

Georgiag my registered childminder colleagues have often said that looking after our own grandchildren is far more nerve-wracking than looking after minded children, so you're not alone and there's nothing wrong with you!

Have you had a heart-to-heart talk with the little boy's parents about your concerns?
Discussed with them what things they would suggest you could do with him?
Talked to them about the current thoughts on parenting?
Maybe there is a childcare book they would suggest for you to read?

A paediatric first aid course is an excellent idea.
We have to renew ours every three years and every time there is something new to learn and take onboard as knowledge develops.

Like you say you brought your own children up with no problems so you know you can do this. You just need to believe in yourself 🥰

What do you think is the cause of this anxiety?
What is the 'wrong' thing you speak of?
Have you spoken to the parents about it?
It shouldn't be taking days to get over.
I think you should try turning the tables and thinking of the enjoyable things you do, the fact that GC feels safe and happy in your company?
Counselling hasn't worked- does it ever really?
Now you dread the visits which I'm sure is not what you want to be feeling.
My first advice would be to speak to your own son or daughter about it and also your own husband.
Does DH know or understand your anxiety?
If this doesn't help I suggest you go back to your GP and ask for an IAPT referral or similar- you could benefit from CBT or similar anti- anxiety therapy.
I hope you get it sorted because you sound like a lovely granny and your GC deserves to know how lucky he is to have you want to spend time with him.
He's only little and will soon grow.

I was very anxious when a family member came round with her little son of nearly 2. He doesn't really know me but I got out some well played with toys and joined in his play and gradually relaxed and really enjoyed it - it wasn't so much a worry after all!!!
I would suggest taking a deep breath and going for it. You've been a parent yourself and you can only do your best. Take it slowly and enjoy the experience.
Perhaps you might prefer just to have a shorter time with the little person at first. Why not have a chat with his parents and gradually increase the time you spend with him.

Well done for admitting to the anxiety. It’s the first step to solving this issue. I think that if you step away from your GS you will regret it. There’s so much to look forward to for you as he grows up. I would definitely recommend some form of counselling. Seeking help is a sign of courage.

We are all different as we age we can lose confidence it’s perfectly normal to feel anxious so a course may help. I did a first aid course with the British Red Cross when my twin GC were born. They were in NICU unit for a couple of months before they went home.
It does get better your anxiety levels drop as your confidence levels grow. Enjoy your time with GC who will soon grow and before you know it will be telling you what to do!

Anxiety and having intrusive thoughts are difficult to cope with, my daughter suffers from this and is OCD but am not saying this is the case with you. Perhaps a trip to your GP just to cover all bases would be good.
You don’t need to struggle with these feelings, cognitive behaviour therapy can help.
Wishing you all the best.

Paediatric first aid course may really help, and yes, we have got this far. I manage to stay calm whilst there & I watch what I say. It’s the days after when my mind runs riot,- I know that I am over-thinking things but can’t seem to stop. Anyone else in the same boat?
So frustrated with myself- ruining my enjoyment of being with my lovely grandson.
Anyway- helps to put these words down so thank you.

If you say anything you won’t see him. He's got to 15 months and still thriving despite your worries. You are hardly likely to poison him or let him out unsupervised so he is as safe with you as anyone, It will not be long before he goes to play school etc so you can step back, he will be in classes where its not one to one If you really don't want to do it anymore you will have to stop going and tell the parent but I think you would regret it.