Haven't been allowed to see new grandson yet

LOUISA1523

Everyone says its the modern way ....but I've never experienced this ....not with my own GC or any of my friends or colleagues becoming GP.....we have all met our GC the day they were born or day after .....its just not a thing where I am

Nor me. My DD was on the phone straight after delivery, asking when was the soonest I could get up to the hospital/home to see all of her 4 new babies.

Mind you, this was 20+ years ago. 🤷‍♀️

Card not car (unless you're very rich)

Their first baby and your first grandchild, a very special time in both your lives. Sounds like she's not confident that she can manage any visitors just yet. But I don't think it will be too long until you're invited over, please be patient. Congratulations by the way, don't let your feelings get in the way, busy yourself by making something for him or finding that special present you want to give them all. Have you sent a cars and flowers yet?

I have a teenager and I remember when I had her reading something about cultures where mum and baby are cocooned away for a little while and thinking how fab that would be! Grandparents and my sibling visited whilst we were in hospital as I was in for a few days and I arrived home to a houseful of extended family which was a bit overwhelming. Mum of course had me in the days when you stayed in hospital for a week and only dad could visit. Much more sensible!

Bluefox

Honestly I think a lot of young women these days are so self centred. I wonder if she’ll be pushing you away when she needs a babysitter?
Nothing you can do, I feel sorry for you.

Hang on.

Are you saying that if a woman who’s just given birth doesn’t prioritize other people and what they want over what she needs, she’d better not ask for help at a later date?

If that’s the price that needs to be paid, definitely finding a sitter is cheaper.

Bluefox

Honestly I think a lot of young women these days are so self centred. I wonder if she’ll be pushing you away when she needs a babysitter?
Nothing you can do, I feel sorry for you.

You think the woman who just went through a major medical event is the selfish one??

Honestly I think a lot of young women these days are so self centred. I wonder if she’ll be pushing you away when she needs a babysitter?
Nothing you can do, I feel sorry for you.

My family had no choice and my mother was very much a part of our life. I had to go back to work four weeks after giving birth because of the high mortgage rates and my mother was going to be my child's soul/sole carer during those early times. If I had presented her with the modern approach, she would have told be to go and do one!

This makes me a bit sad. I was at the birth of my Granddaughter and pretty much saw her every day in the ensuing weeks. Routines are all very well - but family support and bonding is so important too. We now have a very happy and confident little girl who is happy to come and stay with us while her Mum does errands, and we know her routines inside out and so can stick to those.

This seems to be a fad that so-called modern parents are going through. It is a selfish attitude. Sadly, no matter what you do or think, they will carry on without care or consideration for anyone else.
We had dd, her dh and our one year old Grandson to visit. It was the first time we had seen him. I picked him up when he crawled to me and he was snatched out of my arms. My dh managed one quick cuddle. They stayed with us for a week, took advantage of our hospitality, then left us wondering why they came. Heartbreaking, as it is the grandchildren who will miss out, ultimately.
We have had to come to terms all over again with lack of contact with our Grandson.
I pray that your daughter will see sense very soon and stop this ridiculous behaviour.

When my children were born 40ish years ago, new mothers stayed in hospital for 10 days, with only fathers being allowed to visit, except for weekend afternoons. Maybe it's because nowadays the norm is to be home by at least the next day that new parents feel the need to be alone with their newborn.

I know I would hate to have had to cope with visitors (even close family) in the days immediately after giving birth.

Smileless2012

Expressing one's sadness at not being able to see a new GC, isn't saying one has a right to demand that they do so.

Indeed, Smiless

Expressing one's sadness at not being able to see a new GC, isn't saying one has a right to demand that they do so.

You are right, they haven't bought a pet or possession. But they have brought a new life into the world. No one knows what the birth was like except the new mum, no one knows how the parents are feeling right now. They could be overwhelmed by everything that is happening. No one has the right to demand to see the new baby, not even the Grandparents. It's like the new thing when the inlaws, Aunties, and everyone else want to be in the delivery room. Birth and taking time with your newborn is NOT a spectator sport. Some parents are fine to share their newborn immediately, some are not. It is their choice and everyone else has to respect that choice.

You are so lucky living close by and as time goes on they will be so glad of your help - but currently they just need some time to themselves and that's their choice. Don't give them a hard time about it or mention it as upsetting you, just wait as patiently as you can. This is probably only the first of many things they will want to do differently from how you'd like...

My parents and my in-laws (although loved dearly) were definitely "secondary" family as far as we were concerned -"immediate" family was just us and our babies/children.

Whatever the "rules" are, if the new parents don't feel it, it's not going to happen.

Someone up thread said grandparents are extended family.
To me the nuclear family consists of parents and children, then grandparents are immediate family followed by aunts uncles cousins etc as extended family. What do others think?

As to meeting new babies I was unwell when my first gc was born so had to wait a few days to see her, in special care at the hospital. I don’t think we stayed too long but it was wonderful to see her.
I missed her first Christmas too, as I was still unwell, but it’s
all forgotten now though disappointing at the time.

Maybe because I live in Europe where Families and extended
families are a way of life I find this idea of 'cocooning'
quite unnatural. The 'nuclear' family is not a great idea .

Maybe staying away from judgemental eyes and has her own support system

Yes, for a while, but even when restrictions were lifted she kept him Isolated , for no medical reasons.

Cabbie she wouldn't have had a choice, we were in lockdown

I told my 50+ year old daughter today about this thread and the many others like it, and she could hardly believe how things have changed. She was horrified that grandparents would be kept at bay.
A certain relative-by-marriage has a little boy aged 4. She has been so keen on keeping their little family in a cocoon that the child hardly spoke and did not know how to interact with other children or adults when he started nursery last year. That really is taking the idea too far! She doesn’t usually reprimand him either, or if she does, she apologises to him later.

Except the grandparents ARE visitors. Unless they live there there via it it’s and frankly for many they’re an exhausting intrusion. I know back in the time my own children were born , as much as I loved my mother her visits were just that - visits. And I was tired , and sore and wanted nothing more than to hold my own baby and be left in peace with my own family (just myself , husband and children). In todays works of more equitable paternity leave for fathers new mums don’t need the help often and how wonderful for them for it! For bothr the new parents to be able to shut out the world the first few precious weeks and recover and heal and be able to focus on nothing but their own brand new family ! Grandparents need to accept the idea that they aren’t immediate family and wait if that’s what the mum and dad want. Truly. We’ve now seven grands and another on the way and depending on the wants of the new parents we’ve met them all from next day to a few weeks later and I promise we have just as close a relationship with them all! More importantly respecting the parents wishes means we have a wonderful close relationship ship with them too - built on respect for them as parents themselves not entitlement

The new thing in the US, if you have a doula, is NO visitors for 30 days. No exceptions. I have to say when my babies were born, rude relatives and their children would “drop by” asking if they could hold my newborn child. Often not holding the babies head properly. I was not feeling great and was so relieved when they left. My MIL was coarse and loud, I really wished I would have set some boundaries on visitors. When my grandchildren were born, I never pushed to see them. I waited until my kids bonded with their newborns and we were invited. Even then, we stayed a minimal amount of time. Hang in there you’ll see that precious baby soon ❤️