Interesting article from a new Grandparent

I liked the article, I wish I could have read this when my grandchildren were born. It would have saved me putting my foot in it so many times.

I didn't read anything about child-rearing with mine, and did it mostly as my parents had raised me, which was with kindness, support, understanding but with some ground rules for stability and safety. My eldest DD gives hers more choice in what her children do than I did, but not to excess. We seem to have all done okay with it cos my DDs loved (and still love) us, and loved their GPs and our GC appear to be carrying that on.

An interesting read. Full marks to the parents for bringing the child up to be bilingual.
I agree that being less mouthy is the way to go as a grandparent. I would not have taken it well if grandparents had criticised my child rearing ideas.

There will always be gentle parenting and there will always be shouty aggressive parenting, that’s the nature of human beings. Just like there are intelligent people and less intelligent people, neither being a particular predictor of their parenting skills. But parents now have the benefit of the internet and those who wish to can research absolutely anything and everything. It’s also a good job parents can change through generations to adapt and adopt new and better methods. My mother was never kissed or felt loved by her mother but she made sure we were always kissed and felt loved. Evolution in practice.

I do struggle remembering the phrases we shouldn’t use, like good girl/boy, instead of praising their abilities/achievements. Or saying ‘you look very pretty/beautiful’ in favour of praising their choice of outfit. Yeah, that one gets my goat. There are banned nursery rhymes and sayings we used with our children, but for very good reason I must add, it’s just hard to adjust sometimes. I actually think parents have it tough these days. Our lives were maybe less informed but simpler I think.

I have no idea how gentle parenting will manage phone use, that’s a new phenomenon I do not envy today’s generation of parents.

The writer comes across as a lovely person.

I think it is a learning curve, one thing that caught me out was the fact that everyone has to be so quiet and telly turned off etc, when baby naps, I was reminded more than once to put my phone on silent. When mine were babies I would put the carry cot down and carry on as normal, with the radio/telly on and I couldn’t put the telephone on silent.

Babs03

I think it is a learning curve, one thing that caught me out was the fact that everyone has to be so quiet and telly turned off etc, when baby naps, I was reminded more than once to put my phone on silent. When mine were babies I would put the carry cot down and carry on as normal, with the radio/telly on and I couldn’t put the telephone on silent.

That’s so unrealistic Babs03, life isn’t quiet. My mum’s sister in law wouldn’t let anybody flush the loo if the baby was napping.

Babs03

I think it is a learning curve, one thing that caught me out was the fact that everyone has to be so quiet and telly turned off etc, when baby naps, I was reminded more than once to put my phone on silent. When mine were babies I would put the carry cot down and carry on as normal, with the radio/telly on and I couldn’t put the telephone on silent.

The vacuum cleaner used to soothe DC1 of to sleep.

Or, if desperate, a car journey did the trick.

I don't have any grandchildren but manage to be corrected multiple times when sitting for my daughter's dog so no thank you. I don't want to have that stress with a baby too.

I found the article to be very informative as I’m a new grandparent and have read Philippa Perry’s books. I’m not a fan of the “everything old is good” “everything young/new is bad” narrative. I think Boomers and older generations can learn a lot from younger generations particularly regarding child-rearing in a more empathetic way and not being afraid to analyse our feelings and behaviour.

Zumba369

I found the article to be very informative as I’m a new grandparent and have read Philippa Perry’s books. I’m not a fan of the “everything old is good” “everything young/new is bad” narrative. I think Boomers and older generations can learn a lot from younger generations particularly regarding child-rearing in a more empathetic way and not being afraid to analyse our feelings and behaviour.

Indeed.

I've not heard of any negative "new" ways - all works out well.

Zumba369

I found the article to be very informative as I’m a new grandparent and have read Philippa Perry’s books. I’m not a fan of the “everything old is good” “everything young/new is bad” narrative. I think Boomers and older generations can learn a lot from younger generations particularly regarding child-rearing in a more empathetic way and not being afraid to analyse our feelings and behaviour.

The one thing to learn very quickly, and which this article says too, is 🤐
It's an age-old story.

Most Grannies knew that already; it's amazing to think this new grandmother has to tell us in a newspaper article, though, as if it has just something new which has been discovered.

Allira

Well, the type of parenting that Rose Rouse said she carried out in the 1980s sounds fairly normal to me! Although a couple of mine were born much earlier than that, one was an 80s baby and by that time she had to fit in with all the needs of a family, but always had plenty of love and time too.

These new parents will have a shock if they do have subsequent children.
White noise?
Carefully and endlessly explaining why? 🤔

The word No is a complete sentence.
Or as I asked my teenager - "Just what part of "No" do you not understand"

Perhaps I was a bad parent.

I think most of us parented the same way lol😉

DiamondLily

Allira

Well, the type of parenting that Rose Rouse said she carried out in the 1980s sounds fairly normal to me! Although a couple of mine were born much earlier than that, one was an 80s baby and by that time she had to fit in with all the needs of a family, but always had plenty of love and time too.

These new parents will have a shock if they do have subsequent children.
White noise?
Carefully and endlessly explaining why? 🤔

The word No is a complete sentence.
Or as I asked my teenager - "Just what part of "No" do you not understand"

Perhaps I was a bad parent.

I think most of us parented the same way lol😉

Mine seem to have turned out just fine.
The two who are parents are probably a bit stricter than I was!
But I didn't have the mobile phone phenomenon to contend with.

I don't see why anyone should worry they were a bad parent for doing things the way people did at the time. Not unless their children are saying they were a bad parent because maybe then they weren't doing things the way everyone else was.

DaisyDaisyDo

I don't see why anyone should worry they were a bad parent for doing things the way people did at the time. Not unless their children are saying they were a bad parent because maybe then they weren't doing things the way everyone else was.

Exception would be those who spanked innocent children and defend spanking as of the time. Never has it been acceptable to lay hands on a child.

I'd imagine there are many other points of discontent.

No it's never been ok to hit adults or children no matter what anyone says

Norah

DaisyDaisyDo

I don't see why anyone should worry they were a bad parent for doing things the way people did at the time. Not unless their children are saying they were a bad parent because maybe then they weren't doing things the way everyone else was.

Exception would be those who spanked innocent children and defend spanking as of the time. Never has it been acceptable to lay hands on a child.

I'd imagine there are many other points of discontent.

I'm always surprised at the number of Gransnetters who said they were spanked as it was normal in those days. I never was.
Nor did I smack mine.

Allira

Norah

DaisyDaisyDo

I don't see why anyone should worry they were a bad parent for doing things the way people did at the time. Not unless their children are saying they were a bad parent because maybe then they weren't doing things the way everyone else was.

Exception would be those who spanked innocent children and defend spanking as of the time. Never has it been acceptable to lay hands on a child.

I'd imagine there are many other points of discontent.

I'm always surprised at the number of Gransnetters who said they were spanked as it was normal in those days. I never was.
Nor did I smack mine.

My point precisely.

IMO, If anyone did spank/smack they should expect estrangement.

I always explained why I said no.
"Because I'm the parent and you're the child"

My explanation was concise MissA; because I say so .

Billy Connolly ranked about the idea that children don't understand why they've been smacked, and said he always knew why, because his mum explained it, and punctuated each word with a clout.

"That (whack) is (whack) for (whack) not (wack) doing (whack)...

That's terrible

He had a terrible life...

And made it a part of his comedy routine.