Interesting article from a new Grandparent

I didn't read anything about child-rearing with mine, and did it mostly as my parents had raised me, which was with kindness, support, understanding but with some ground rules for stability and safety. My eldest DD gives hers more choice in what her children do than I did, but not to excess. We seem to have all done okay with it cos my DDs loved (and still love) us, and loved their GPs and our GC appear to be carrying that on.

I liked the article, I wish I could have read this when my grandchildren were born. It would have saved me putting my foot in it so many times.

Of course you can Allira, the two are not mutually exclusive.

You can still be a kind and gentle parent without endlessly negotiating with a toddler who is determined that they are right.

grandtanteJE65

I didn't find the article pretentious, nor did I find anything very new in it.

My parents always explained why they told us not to do things, or why they said we could not have something we wanted, and I have always done the same.

Obviously, facing the toddler who keeps asking why or asking the same thing over and over again, there is no point in re-stating the reasons for having said no, but otherwise it works.

Reason with a 14 month old?
Or a two year old?
Or even a three year old?

They must be very placid, compliant children.

The "But Why" seemed to come at about age four.

I can hear my Mum saying "Because Y's a crooked letter and Z's not any better" when I must have repeatedly asked Why? to the point of exasperation.

Hevs

I've noticed that the new parents tend to drop this once they are confronted by a full scale 3 year old toddler tantrum.

😁
Awesome in their ferocity!!

I've noticed that the new parents tend to drop this once they are confronted by a full scale 3 year old toddler tantrum.

Of course after all tg6e explaining and negotiating the 14 month old does exactly what the parents want or feels right. If only!

I didn't find the article pretentious, nor did I find anything very new in it.

My parents always explained why they told us not to do things, or why they said we could not have something we wanted, and I have always done the same.

Obviously, facing the toddler who keeps asking why or asking the same thing over and over again, there is no point in re-stating the reasons for having said no, but otherwise it works.

For sure I'll never regret using gentle parenting with my children now in the mid to late 30s. You can't guarantee no tantrums but any tantrums were a result of being tired, overwhelmed, frustrated, hungry, etc. and one of them never had any, just went through the terrific 2s!
They have always been kind and understanding to me, which isn't always the case with adult children to their parents
I do still work with parents and young children and a common problem is often their parents have totally forgotten what normal behaviour for children is, or they think that the way they parented is the only way and anything the parents do differently is a criticism of how they parented .

Usedtobeblonde

How lucky the parents are when they explain to their 14 month old son just why they are saying no and negotiate with him.
We’re did we go wrong?

Wait until the Terrible Twos and the even worse Threes

Try negotiating with a red faced thrashing two year old who knows he's right! 😁
Or a breath holder.

I only had one child who is now 47 and has no children. I doubt I'd know what to do with a baby now. I have a tiny (almost non existent) family so I haven't had much contact with children or babies. My boss asked me to hold her baby some years ago and I was terrified. I really don't want grandchildren. I'm too busy and don't want the extra worry or complication.

That may be the time they have a rethink Usedtobeblonde.

I really enjoyed that, I can understand how she felt that it felt an attack on her way of parenting at first but the way she embraced it as a positive was so nice to read.NShe raised her son well and she should be proud, everyone should want better for their children and their children's children and this shows that working as it is supposed to.

How lucky the parents are when they explain to their 14 month old son just why they are saying no and negotiate with him.
We’re did we go wrong?

Allira

Norah

Ilovecheese

www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2024/oct/14/grandmother-baby-parents-son-parenting

I hope this link works. If not it is in the Guardian's opinion section.

I have no strong feelings about this but just thought it was interesting.

Nice, the author is taking on her children's ways/attitudes rather than telling her children what to do and giving daft opinions/advice.

Ilovecheese - I've no strong feelings either, but found it nice.

Oh yes, that's what we must do.

Luckily my DC haven't subscribed to some of the more extreme ideas of modern parenting.

Which are?

Norah

Ilovecheese

www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2024/oct/14/grandmother-baby-parents-son-parenting

I hope this link works. If not it is in the Guardian's opinion section.

I have no strong feelings about this but just thought it was interesting.

Nice, the author is taking on her children's ways/attitudes rather than telling her children what to do and giving daft opinions/advice.

Ilovecheese - I've no strong feelings either, but found it nice.

Oh yes, that's what we must do.

Luckily my DC haven't subscribed to some of the more extreme ideas of modern parenting.

I think she wrote the article to promote her own subscription only website..

I’m not a grandma yet but I found it very interesting. All generations have their way of doing things and as long as the children are happy and healthy , that’s what’s important.
I love what she says about learning to listen to her dil and ds . Good relationships are all about communication.

Ilovecheese

www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2024/oct/14/grandmother-baby-parents-son-parenting

I hope this link works. If not it is in the Guardian's opinion section.

I have no strong feelings about this but just thought it was interesting.

Nice, the author is taking on her children's ways/attitudes rather than telling her children what to do and giving daft opinions/advice.

Ilovecheese - I've no strong feelings either, but found it nice.

Well, the type of parenting that Rose Rouse said she carried out in the 1980s sounds fairly normal to me! Although a couple of mine were born much earlier than that, one was an 80s baby and by that time she had to fit in with all the needs of a family, but always had plenty of love and time too.

These new parents will have a shock if they do have subsequent children.
White noise?
Carefully and endlessly explaining why? 🤔

The word No is a complete sentence.
Or as I asked my teenager - "Just what part of "No" do you not understand"

Perhaps I was a bad parent.

Yes it is rather Usedtobeblonde.

I realise I am a very old and old fashioned ideas lady but did anyone else find the article pretentious?

BlueBelle

Can’t reading without registering

Just click on the X in the corner, it lets you bypass.
I am sure whatever the style of parenting we chose, our children have their own views, but as long as the child is happy that's the main thing.
My DD, has been led by the creche she uses with regard to food and play, it seems to be working our DGS, is a happy child.

Can’t reading without registering