I don’t know what to do

Shelflife

6am till 4am four days a week¡!!!!???????
This is absolutely out of order, I have voiced my opinion about this on GN many times. I am also NNEB trained and loved my work, I offered one day a week child care . I have had my three children , love my GC but they are not my responsibility! Too many GPs in your situation being a burnt out, this is not encouraging a sound relationship with your GC. Your last scentance indicates you are well and truly at the end of your tether - of course you are!! The parents are wiping the floor with you , tell them NO MORE. Explain you want a proper relationship with your GC , where the children have a happy and loving GM. You don't deserve this , stand your corner in a firm but polite way. They must take responsibility for their child, quite simply this is not fair.

You're absolutely right, those hours are completely out of order. It’s beyond reasonable, and I can understand why you’re so frustrated—especially with the toll it's taking on you. I also think it's so important to maintain a healthy relationship with your grandchildren, one where you're able to enjoy your time with them without feeling burnt out.

Your advice to set firm boundaries and be clear with the parents is spot on. They need to understand that you're happy to help, but there has to be a balance and respect for your time and well-being. You’ve already given so much, and it's more than fair to expect them to step up and take more responsibility.

Ziggy62

Big hugs

I was a NNEB nursery nurse and loved my job but gave up childcare when I was 57. It's exhausting looking after a small child even part time never mind the hours you're doing.

I'm sure you want to help the parents out with offering childcare but those hours are crazy.

Could you suggest they find alternative day care and you have him part time to help out. Easter is a bit too soon, maybe give them until the end of March

Do they know how you're feeling?
Surely being with an exhausted granny isn't best for the child either, you could start off explaining this to them first

Thinking of you xxx

It sounds like you really gave a lot of yourself to childcare, and I can totally understand why you would feel that way after all those years. It's such a rewarding job, but it can definitely take a toll, especially when you're juggling long hours.

I think your suggestion of offering part-time help while encouraging them to explore other day care options is really thoughtful. Giving them a bit more time to figure things out could help ease the pressure on both sides.

It’s important for them to know how you’re feeling—after all, your well-being is just as important, and you're right, being exhausted yourself isn't the best for anyone, especially the little one. Having an open and honest conversation could really help set some boundaries and expectations that work for everyone.
I hope everything works out smoothly for you. xxx

Mrs Sharples - some great advice is coming your way here. My priority would be to speak with the parents and establish exactly why your gs was 'kicked out of day care'. Is this really true and if so, you have your solution which is that you can't look after a child who trained people were unable to manage.

Do the parents pay you? If so they are believing you're doing the job that trained people couldn't - if not, they're taking big advantage of you.

But it's not that easy to say no, so take the advice offered of feigning doctor's orders for a complete break from work for a long enough period that the parents must make alternative arrangements.

Also, are you still expected to look after GS in the Easter holidays? If the parents don't work in schools, they will not be having an Easter break. Also again, what if your d.i.l has another baby? They will ask you to look after her/him too!

Imarocker

Easter is on the horizon. Tell them that is your cut off point. You are sorry but you are too tired and cannot do daily childcare. Decide what you will do - one day a week or two afternoons or perhaps nothing. Be firm.

I agree with above. I love and adore my GC but would feel like you Mrs.S if I had them 4days per week. I did agree to around 3 days per week before my first GD was born, but my DD decide to be a stay at home mum till both girls were in school, so I got away with it . I do always say yes to any babysitting, full day, sleep-over etc; only fair.

I fully agree with MOnica on this subject .
So many of my friends are completely worn out trying to care for grandchildren and longing to say no .
They are terrified of being estranged .
One of my friends gave up her career to bring up her granddaughter and now the child's mother is not speaking to her . Unable to resume her career she's now working three badly paid jobs .

It seems mrsharples never came back in her last thread so it’s unlikely she ll come back to this one
Not worth answering really it’s all more if the same three years later

I'm a diploma trained childcare worker with 20 years experience and I don't understand why the child was kicked out of day care.
The only reasons I can think of is that the parents refused to get professional help for their child. Being on the spectrum or behavioural issues may have been the reason but even then the child would not be kicked out unless the parents have refused to get help and other children are being affected by the child's behaviour.
It is imperative they have the child assessed as soon as possible, there is a plethora of specialist care available in care or at home.
Then there is the issue of fairness...the child in particular needs attention and the OP definitely needs to take time out and look after own physical and metal health needs.
Good luck Mrs Sharples, and please don't dally any longer.

I feel sorry for the little boy, brought up in a chaotic household, with an exhausted Granny trying her best and already thrown out of his nursery where he probably had the best chance of some order and the chance to gain social and other skills.

Allira, thank you for finding the original link, which, on reading it, makes me think the OP is in the USA, judging by some of the terminology used. The problems are the same and I agree with everyone else that the conversation needs to be faced, but I suspect some of the solutions might be slightly different owing to the differences in the systems of the two countries.

The previous thread this lady was on possibly offers some guidance as to why this toddler has been expelled by his nursery. He is growing up in a chaotic home, probably with chaotic parenting.

Mrs Sharples is overinvested in her son and his family. She needs to step back, realise that her son is grown up and her grandchildren are the responsibility of him and his wife, and no one else. As with other grandparents, any child care should be minimal and it should be made clear that it is grace and favour help. not all the help the parents can squeeze out and enforce by moral blackmail.

Even if this poster never returns here, it’s a good subject to have a debate about.Many grans feel this way, that they want to help out with childcare and feel they should as daycare is so damn expensive for their AC.
My advice is the same as many posters, do some childcare but only what you can manage and have an honest conversation about it to the AC.We aren’t as young as we were and it can get too much for us.

Nobody here can take steps to alter the arrangement, only you and the child’s parents can do that. Do you feel you’ve been offered some ideas you can try?

I’m pleased you found that link Allira! I knew I recognised the name, but I expect we won’t hear from the OP again, although I’m sure further posts will be added to this thread.

I think a doctor's appointment for you is well overdue. I would worry that you just want to go to bed and sleep forever. You are clearly beyond exhaustion and should have a check up. This should alert the parents that all is not well and give you a way to move forward to a solution that is better for you and also for the little boy.

May well be a very difficult conversation for you to have but you need to do this for your own health and welfare. Tell his parents exactly how you feel, how worn out you are and that you feel you're not doing your best for GS as you're so worn out. Basically he is their responsibility and they are passing this on to you. Maybe they have found it difficult to find another place for him after his exit from the last place but it's really up to them to sort this out. If they have stopped looking altogether then maybe you should give them a month or two to find somewhere else for him. Good luck with it all.

I’m not being nasty but no wonder they haven’t looked for alternative day care with the money they are saving at the expense of you physical and emotional health.
Like others have said enough is enough otherwise you won’t enjoy his company because it’s turning in to a chore you want to be his granny who spoils him not his mum, you have been there and done that when you were younger and had more energy

Be honest with them .This really isn't fair on You .I look after My 2Grandchildren both one day each and that is enough apart from the odd extra few hours .x

Its so hard for young parents these days. They feel pressured to work too.
I would want to look after my grandchildren in this way, but I recognise that I no longer have the energy needed
- Perhaps you could help them to find an alternative daycare facility?
- can the other grandparents not help out?
- could they and another couple invite same situation perhaps adjust their working
hours and share childcare with another couple who have to work?
You will still need to have tge conversation though.
PS. I think you can claim payment fir grannycare - might be useful to oay for outings like softplay, where he/due coukd socialise with other children and take the pressure off you a bit.

Alternate thought…tho it depends on WHY he was kicked out of Daycare? Why not do a bit of research and find a new daycare for him, book him in and present it to the parents as their new plan? Also tell them you are exhausted and can’t do it any longer! My Grandchildren live in Japan. They came over (with parents) for a holiday last summer, to be repeated this year. But kindly stayed in an Airbnb up the road! I looked after the boisterous 9 and 6 year olds for under a couple of hours only whilst parents went shopping, at one point, I was done in after that. Nice time but knackering . I’m 80 next year! So getting up for 6 am alone would kill me, let alone the days you put in!

It is going to be one awkward conversation then it is over, do it now instead of worrying about it.

Tell the parents you are not going to do it anymore and they have 2 weeks to make other arrangements, they may try to talk you round or extend the deadline just keep repeating ‘I am not doing it anymore’.

My neighbour is in the same situation and trying so hard to keep going. She takes both toddlers to a playgroup while the parents work which helps. Negotiate. You might tell them you can only do a couple of days because physically and mentally you are not able to do more. The young people are up to their necks in it too, say you understand, but cut back because if anything happens to you they will suffer through your total absence.

I am just wondering how you are and if anything has improved since you posted about the mess your DS and DIL's house was in when you went to babysit your DGS when he was a baby.

www.gransnet.com/forums/grandparenting/1314759-Son-and-DIL-are-slobs

Are you having to look after this same grandson at their house in this shocking mess or does he come to you?

It really is too much and they must find some alternative care.
One day a week might be fine to keep contact but on your
terms - and in your home.

Good luck.

Easy way to do this is tell them you cannot continue after a certain date. Then book a break for yourself or visit friends/relatives for the week after as you're feeling stressed and tell them this. Refuse to have him anymore when you return. HTH

You should not be execred to care for the child. You will have to tell them that you simply cannot carry on and thy will need to find alternative childcare. do not give in to them they are an "entitled" couple.