A young Mum instructs a Gran.

NotAGran55

If you praise or compliment a parent for having a placid ‘good’ baby 👶 (something that they have no control over), what would you say to the parents with the opposite 😭 ? (Something that they have no control over)

Duh! Well you wouldn’t would you? Any more than you would say “Gosh, that’s an ugly baby!”
How about “What a lovely lively baby,” or “I wish I had that much energy, what a smashing/super/chatty baby, full of beans” or some such.
On the principle that if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything?
Some adults would do well to bear that in mind.

It’s no wonder that so many people have ‘mental health’ problems now…..if you have to double check your thoughts before putting them into words for fear of being reprimanded. Had a conversation with my eldest grandson about this and he said, Gran I just smile, wave and walk away. Clever boy!

If you praise or compliment a parent for having a placid ‘good’ baby 👶 (something that they have no control over), what would you say to the parents with the opposite 😭 ? (Something that they have no control over)

RosieandherMaw

PS How praising /commenting favourably/admiring a baby not seen as complimenting?
All the new mums I have ever known since I was one in 1973 loved it - of course one’s baby was beautiful/ lovely/ good/ gorgeous whatever!

👏👏👏

PS How praising /commenting favourably/admiring a baby not seen as complimenting?
All the new mums I have ever known since I was one in 1973 loved it - of course one’s baby was beautiful/ lovely/ good/ gorgeous whatever!

Too close to the truth, I was once at a picnic with D’s NCT friends and was pulled up for suggesting that the (placid) baby of one of D’s friends was a “good” baby. You can’t go wrong with praising a baby can you? Oh yes you can.
“What good babies they all are”
My words- oddly enough I too remember what I said.

RosieandherMaw

Oo-er missis!
What a judgemental slap on the wrist from somebody who doesn’t know me or the context.
You must be confusing me with somebody who gives a sh** about your sweeping condemnation but I still think my comment about what “good” babies they all were was innocent enough and clearly meant as a compliment.
If you say a baby is lovely , are you implying others are ugly? Of course not.
Thank you FGT for “getting” me.

I get you too and think this is all such nonsense.

Having a baby is a minefield and most mums grow an outer skin and ignore comments, I had two “good” babies, followed by two absolutely horrific babies and toddlers! It happens.

My own DM was always making “stupid” remarks, which she thought was helpful (helpful to whom?)

I just smiled and totally ignored her!

I still think my comment about what “good” babies they all were was innocent enough and clearly meant as a compliment

Here is your exact post RosieandherMaw about it being a compliment. How is it a compliment shrug 🤷🏻‍♀️

Goodness me! Right:
Perhaps the following example of a comment - one to another might be be acceptable on seeing a baby (any baby anywhere),
“She/he/they is a baby ?

Now that’s put me in mind of Del Boy🙃

NotAGran55

How is asking a total stranger if their baby is ‘easy/good’ a compliment to the parent?
Genuine question.

Nobody said anything about asking if a baby is good.
I certainly didn’t.
Nothing like getting the wrong end of the stick and then beating someone over the head with it.

With regards to the clip in the OP though - I do think it's possible to validate a child's feelings without "judgement" of them.

I’m not twisting anything NannyJan53 I’m posting how I felt about ignorant comments, and asking for further explanation.

I get what you mean also Maw. There are always people who like to put others down and twist their words in life and in here!

NotAGran55 I agree. I hated it half-a-century ago too.

How is asking a total stranger if their baby is ‘easy/good’ a compliment to the parent?
Genuine question.

Oo-er missis!
What a judgemental slap on the wrist from somebody who doesn’t know me or the context.
You must be confusing me with somebody who gives a sh** about your sweeping condemnation but I still think my comment about what “good” babies they all were was innocent enough and clearly meant as a compliment.
If you say a baby is lovely , are you implying others are ugly? Of course not.
Thank you FGT for “getting” me.

My first baby screamed blue murder day and night for the first 10 months of his life, 30 years ago, and didn’t sleep beyond 4 am until he started school at 5.
I detested the term ‘good baby’ all those years ago and felt like slapping all the old women who used it.
It’s not a new thing I can assure you!

All my children are adults now, but I remember this stage so clearly. The 'good baby' thing is both a tactless and a needless comment and can really upset a new parent.

My first baby cried a lot, didn't nap for more than 20 mins and didn't sleep through the night until 2 years old. So many questions from the older generation when out and about "Is he good?", "is he a good baby?".....or asked with a smile to the parents of other more (clearly more settled) babies we were with. However it is intended....from the receiving end, the 'good baby' comment/question feels judgemental.

As an onlooker or meeting people you barely know, you don't need to know this. Why not just be pleasant and make a positive comment complimenting the baby or parent?

I agree with you Maw.
A ‘good baby’ to me probably just meant an ‘easy’ baby.

Goodness folk soon shoot you down nowadays don’t they? All this ‘be kind’ as if they’ve discovered it and we were the mean girls!

I do realise this. But when people our age talk about a “good baby” we don’t attribute behavioural qualities do we?
Looking back at my Children’s babyhood I certainly knew what I meant by a “good baby”( 2 out of the 3 were) - not that would ever talk about a “bad baby”

A baby that is not 'good' in the context of being placid at a picnic is not necessarily 'bad' even if it's shrieking its head off. That would be character assassination.
There can be nothing wrong surely in implying that some babies cry at picnics.

RosieandherMaw

Too close to the truth, I was once at a picnic with D’s NCT friends and was pulled up for suggesting that the (placid) baby of one of D’s friends was a “good” baby. You can’t go wrong with praising a baby can you? Oh yes you can. “
A quiet word afterwards, “Mum you can’t say a baby is “good” because you are suggesting there is such a thing as a “bad” baby”
Sigh.

I mean, she's not wrong?

Love this 😁

Too close to the truth, I was once at a picnic with D’s NCT friends and was pulled up for suggesting that the (placid) baby of one of D’s friends was a “good” baby. You can’t go wrong with praising a baby can you? Oh yes you can. “
A quiet word afterwards, “Mum you can’t say a baby is “good” because you are suggesting there is such a thing as a “bad” baby”
Sigh.

Huge fun: thank you debbie.