Wrap around child care -the child’s voice

Casdon

My children both thrived in full time nursery care, they are in their twenties and thirties now, and I can honestly say there have been no long term ill effects on them. It’s the quality of the time parents spend with their children, and the quality of the care they receive at nursery that really matters.

There's the difference - 20s and 30s or 40s and 50s.
There was one nursery attached to a private school where we lived and it was very expensive. They didn't take children until the age of three either.

Being a SAHM didn't mean not working altogether until they left home! I had an evening job for a time then went back, retrained and was back at work when the youngest was six.

It's not either or.

ViceVersa

Allira

but I could never have given them what they got from being at nursery from an early age.

I don't understand - what did they gain from being at nursery that you couldn't provide for them?

I was never a very maternal person and I don't have the patience I probably should have with young children. I loved the time I spent with them when I wasn't at work and we did lots of things together as a family when my husband wasn't at work, but I would have been bored out of my mind having to be at home with them all day, every day. I didn't have a lot of friends with young children either, so it would really have been just me. That's just how I am and I make no apologies for it. We're not built the same way.

I suppose I was lucky in that there were quite a lot of us who lived in the area with children about the same age and we met up in one another's houses regularly or out in the summer so there was a large group of children the could socialise with. Then, of course, playgroup at 3. Plus friends not in thst group whom I met at the clinic. I don't think young mothers have so much opportunity of meeting with others now, either.
Although we've all moved away, some of us are still in touch 40 or 50 years later.

My children both thrived in full time nursery care, they are in their twenties and thirties now, and I can honestly say there have been no long term ill effects on them. It’s the quality of the time parents spend with their children, and the quality of the care they receive at nursery that really matters.

skunkhair63

It worries me that babies are put into Nurseries full time from 9 months or 1 year old. This seems to be the norm nowadays and I wonder what the long term effects might be. It’s so different to how I raised mine - life seems more pressured for parents nowadays in many ways. It’s so Mums can keep their foot on the career ladder…

🤔 Think its because you needs 2 wages coming in to be able to live these days....and also parents can't afford to stay put of workforce as they need to stay on track with their pensions....its very hard these days

Well, they can't really have a voice at such a young age, can they?

The OP mentions the child's voice, but they don't really have one here do they. They don't get to give an opinion on whether or not to go to wrap around care, or given a choice.
We can't assume that they all feel the same.

Yes, isn't it funny how still, in 2025, no-one mentions men wanting to go back to work after their children are born. It's always the women who come in for the criticism. And don't get me started about people who comment on dads 'babysitting' - no, they're not, they're simply looking after their own children!

Working mums are still being criticised including on Gransnet
Interesting how rare it is to have fathers even mentioned
Mr I and I agreed how we wanted to manage things as we both wanted children and
Neither wanted to give up work. . I’d experience of in effect being a single parent in a marriage and didn’t want a repeat
Mr I more ambitious than I, he went up the ladder, I remained in practice. I worked close to home and stayed so I could easily drop off. Flexible work meant I could pick up once or twice a week then work a couple of evenings when children in bed.
We made it work but were lucky to have some flexibility

I've seen that on Mumsnet too, and it is sad. I would never slate anyone who chooses to be a stay at home parent. It is a bl**dy hard job and I take my hat off to everyone who does it, day in, day out.

Read Mumsnet. So often SAHPs (stay at home parents) are often slated and undervalued.

Often I think it arises from guilt from those who are out so much of the time (through necessity or choice) and a need to justify their decision.

SAHPs are told that their children are missing out on education and socialising; that they themselves will fall off the career ladder; that they need to be independent financially because they cannot be sure their partner will be loyal; that they will lose pension contributions; that their education will have been wasted etc. etc.

It is quite disturbing.

Allira

^but I could never have given them what they got from being at nursery from an early age.^

I don't understand - what did they gain from being at nursery that you couldn't provide for them?

I was never a very maternal person and I don't have the patience I probably should have with young children. I loved the time I spent with them when I wasn't at work and we did lots of things together as a family when my husband wasn't at work, but I would have been bored out of my mind having to be at home with them all day, every day. I didn't have a lot of friends with young children either, so it would really have been just me. That's just how I am and I make no apologies for it. We're not built the same way.

Allira

^but I could never have given them what they got from being at nursery from an early age.^

I don't understand - what did they gain from being at nursery that you couldn't provide for them?

I would also be interested to hear what nursery provides that a parent could not, except perhaps socialisation with peers, which is a valuable life skill. Learning through play is now widely accepted as the norm, and so many early literacy and mathematical skills are learnt in a play environment, and I sometimes wonder if parents maybe don’t realise just how many things children are learning in the home, and how valuable a parent or carer’s input is.

Brave woman ViceVersa, to be honest and direct. I’ve been SAH and full time work . I wasn’t miserable with my child but I was bored, broke and missing the challenges and stimulation of the work i did.

Shelflife

I am NNEB trained , two year course that consisted of a week in college then a week in a nursery ( both day nursery and nursery school) I loved it! We had a final exam and then looked for work. The course was thorough and covered all aspects of child development. I worked in nursery school and day nursery as a qualified NNEB. Later I took teacher training and taught NNEB students.
I would welcome the return of an NNEB course - sound sensible child care taught ! Covering childcare from birth to 8 years of age. Students study the physical , intellectual and emotional development of children. Their training is 50% practical and 50% theory. Students were closely monitored and evaluated. A good solid training!

Do they not run that course any more? It was excellent.

but I could never have given them what they got from being at nursery from an early age.

I don't understand - what did they gain from being at nursery that you couldn't provide for them?

Another NNEB trained nursery nurse here.
1953/54 so some time before most of you.
At that time we did Mon/Tues at college for the first year and Thurs/Fri the second year.
It was a very good training.
Our lecturers were second to none.
We did written exams and oral ones.
The other main things apart from the excellent training for me was meeting a widely varied group of girls, some of which were doing the course for other reasons than employment.
Hard to explain but it was filling in between school and marriage, they were very rich.
It wouldn’t happen today of course.
It opened my eyes to a different word, they were all very nice girls , the ordinary, like me, and the rich ones and we were all very good friends for the two years.
I am still in regular touch with one , we are in our late 80’s now.
While I can’t comment on the NVQ offered now I don’t think it can compare with the training we had.

Shelflife

I am NNEB trained , two year course that consisted of a week in college then a week in a nursery ( both day nursery and nursery school) I loved it! We had a final exam and then looked for work. The course was thorough and covered all aspects of child development. I worked in nursery school and day nursery as a qualified NNEB. Later I took teacher training and taught NNEB students.
I would welcome the return of an NNEB course - sound sensible child care taught ! Covering childcare from birth to 8 years of age. Students study the physical , intellectual and emotional development of children. Their training is 50% practical and 50% theory. Students were closely monitored and evaluated. A good solid training!

Agreed

I don't think any amount of financial support would have made much difference in my case, although I appreciate it probably would do to many. I just needed to go back to work not only for financial reasons, but because I loved my job and needed the intellectual stimulation which came with it. I love my children to bits, but being at home with them all the time would have driven me round the bend.

ViceVersa

Yes, these days many parents have no choice but to work and put their children into nurseries because of their financial situation, but for some, it's also down to personal choice. Not everyone wants to stay at home (yes, I know you're not literally stuck in the house!) with young children. All I know is that my children were happier and better off with a working mum than being stuck at home with a resentful one. By that, I don't mean that I regret having them - far from it - but I could never have given them what they got from being at nursery from an early age. If that's what you want and what you can do, that's great, I'm not knocking it for one moment - but it's not for everyone.

Being stuck at home with a resentful one
, I wonder if parents ( mothers particularly) would feel less resentful if society recognised the value of parents’ contribution to a child’s development and education, and maybe emphasised it with some financial support?
There must be other things having children means we can’t do, though maybe not in such a large amount, but we don’t resent them for that, so could there be some way the resentment could be minimised?

Oh for an edit button!

Not everyone wants to stay at home (yes, I know you're not literally stuck in the house!) with young children
I was itching to get out so took a course then found a job, paet-time ibpncreasing to full-time over the years, luckily near home, after the youngest started school.
I just wonder sometimes if the cost of nursery fees, especially for more than one child, eats up a lot of one salary anyway.

I am NNEB trained , two year course that consisted of a week in college then a week in a nursery ( both day nursery and nursery school) I loved it! We had a final exam and then looked for work. The course was thorough and covered all aspects of child development. I worked in nursery school and day nursery as a qualified NNEB. Later I took teacher training and taught NNEB students.
I would welcome the return of an NNEB course - sound sensible child care taught ! Covering childcare from birth to 8 years of age. Students study the physical , intellectual and emotional development of children. Their training is 50% practical and 50% theory. Students were closely monitored and evaluated. A good solid training!

Yes, these days many parents have no choice but to work and put their children into nurseries because of their financial situation, but for some, it's also down to personal choice. Not everyone wants to stay at home (yes, I know you're not literally stuck in the house!) with young children. All I know is that my children were happier and better off with a working mum than being stuck at home with a resentful one. By that, I don't mean that I regret having them - far from it - but I could never have given them what they got from being at nursery from an early age. If that's what you want and what you can do, that's great, I'm not knocking it for one moment - but it's not for everyone.

fancythat

To my mind, a lot of it all comes down to house prices, wherther mortgage or rent.

Once upon a time, only 1 parent needed to work.
The 1 parent and 1 with a part time job.

I cant see house prices changing any time soon, unless there is an economy collapse.

This 👏👏👏

ViceVersa

skunkhair63

It worries me that babies are put into Nurseries full time from 9 months or 1 year old. This seems to be the norm nowadays and I wonder what the long term effects might be. It’s so different to how I raised mine - life seems more pressured for parents nowadays in many ways. It’s so Mums can keep their foot on the career ladder…

My two went to nursery full time from three months old, and it didn't do them any harm whatsoever. Quite the opposite, in fact - they were very independent and sociable from an early age. And it's not all about keeping your foot on the career ladder - for many parents, it's a necessity now.

I was lucky enough to stay at home for the first few years, simply because house prices were more affordable in the 1960s/70s, although we didn't have any of the luxuries that seem so essential for many families these days.

My DC were and are very independent and sociable too. Staying at home didn't mean that absolutely literally! 😀