Being unreasonable

I'm not surprised you're feeling really angry and upset Bunny. Did you discuss the present with your husband before saying no?

Due to the damage caused with a similar device, I'd say no too. You need to show a united front or your GS might start playing you off against one another and your husband appears to have some growing up to do.

I'm wondering how old your grandson is? Perhaps as he caused damage some years ago he might be more responsible by now?
If I were in your position I think I would sit down with the boy and my husband and talk about what happened in the past. Have a calm, amicable discussion between the three of you. Help your grandson to understand the conditions you would put in place if he were to be given another, similar gaming device.
If the boy is old enough and able to understand that he must respect your home, then I think it's reasonable to buy the device for him.

He will be 14

Even after googling 'what is a meta quest device?'. I am still none the wiser. particularly, I do not understand how it could damage a bedroom and what damage it did.

There is also no mention of the child's age then and now.

The judgement must be 1) could the new device be as damaging and has the child grown up sufficiently in skills, ability and maturity that this time he will nto operate it in a way that causes damage to the home.

It’s a virtual reality gaming headset, you get a more immersive experience, and you feel as if you’re actually within the game so I can see how he would have got excited. You have controllers, one in each hand - remember the Nintendo Wii controllers many moons ago.
My son has one (he’s an adult) good fun 🤩

This is a Meta Quest.
It’s literally everything you want on line.

Who’s going to pay the monthly subscription?

www.meta.com/en-gb/experiences/youtube/2002317119880945/

We are not into gaming, in any generation. I believe DGS does have a games console somewhere, but I have never seen him play with it - and the only tv in the house plus computers and telephones are kept downstairs.