How do I get my concerns across with a stubborn DIL

BlueBelle

My one question is as I m not very clued up on latest things What’s in a cot maters that’s not in an ordinary kids mattress and why ?

I cannot answer that directly, but you can get adult mattresses made only of wool and other 'ntural' products, while it may not be possible to get cot mattrsses made of natura materials.

My one question is as I m not very clued up on latest things What’s in a cot maters that’s not in an ordinary kids mattress and why ?

Well done JayCee for coming back and accepting that this time you probably got it a bit wrong many posters with problems don’t and either fight their corner maintaining everyone’s being horrible to them or they disappear in a puff of smoke You had the bxxxs to come back and say ‘thanks I think I over cooked this one’ and that’s a great way of doing it You deleted the text so no one will ever know
It’s hard not to want to take over when you see something you think isn’t right but unless it’s a real dangerous situation we just have to sit back with our fingers crossed
Your little one will be fine and no high cot sides to climb over and fall off

How your children bring up their children is nobody's business but theirs, unless the child is in clear and present danger - in which case you contact the relevant authority.

I had a baby that was crawling at 7 months, walking at 10 and from 8 or 9 months could climb out of anything you put her in, short of a cage. She is now 52, having sucessfully survived every danger you can imagine and many otherss.

Your concerns are on the level of the person who will not leave the house in case they are run over by a car. From birth, we are surrounded by a host of possible and probable dangers and all but a tiny few survive them all.

As for saying his family here in the UK think it’s utterly insane Do they? or is it just that you tell them that it is insane and they just make vague noises to deflect your obsession with this subject - and you just take that for agreement.

I really do think you are making a storm in a teacup. Your grandson is in more danger from trying to climb out of a cot and sustaining an injury in a fall than any danger you can imagine.

Anyway all this is none of your business.

I’m glad you deleted the message but this link may put your mind at rest:

montessorifortoday.com/montessori-floor-beds/

Do not agree with the bottle as I think that's dangerous. However, sure they have his best interests at heart and being their third, experience. I wouldn't say anything as it wouldn't be appreciated much the reverse. However, you all seem to have a very different relationship to mine that works.

JayCee68

I think you may have diverted a big problem.


As a grandparent it's often hard to bite our tongue - but definitely we do need to do it!

I hope others read your (later) comments. 🤞

Ok, I get it. I’ve read everyone’s responses and although I’ve found some a bit on the rude side, I’ve definitely taken it on board that my fears are unfounded and will start to relax.

My son hasn’t replied for two reasons: he was sleeping at the time as he’s on nights, and then once the replies were coming in and made me realise I am being melodramatic, I deleted the texts, so he’ll be none the wiser when waking up.

I’m not the MiL from hell and nor am I an overbearing, domineering mother to my adult son.. I’m actually very careful with what I say because when my two were babies, I did have an overbearing MiL and I remember how miserable that felt. I came here for advice to prevent me saying something that could potentially lead to a frosty relationship and so on a positive note, I’ve welcomed everyone’s comments, recommendations and knocks on the chin.

✌🏻✌🏻✌🏻

First of all it truly isn’t your business. It’s their baby after all it’s it ?

Second floor beds as they are called are actually quite common in the Montessori style of parenting. You can even search it online. Not something I ever did but too each their own
You entirely not in your own place to say anything about it - and nothing will come of it if you do beside your so and dil being put out with you.

Her baby, not yours.

Shes not stubborn.

No worries here. My mother put us all in a bureau drawer or woven straw basket.

(that would be on the mattress from about 11 months when the cot started getting a right bashing...)

We had a 3ft 6 inch wide mattress on the floor for DS in his small safety proofed room with a strong baby gate on the door and our door open.

He had a longish period of night waking and one of us could get beside him in the mattress for a cuddle back to sleep then slip back. Worked really well.

I remember putting mine face down on a visivent mattress and was horrified when my mother in law laid my first baby on her back.

All three of mine were put to sleep on their tummies as we were told to do I knew nothing about poisonous fumes or anything else Then as older children they slept with me in one double bed for a while, (Mum and eldest at top end brother and youngest other end ) better than being homeless They ve all grown into brilliant successful people and good parents to my seven (now grown and flown) grandkids

OP
Have you tried asking on MN ?

I don't see the problem?
At some point they all climb out of a cot. If he's already at floor level that's one less hazard.
As long as the door is closed and he can't get to stairs he can safely potter about his room.

I would be very concerned about the bottle. Not so much the bed.

"Are Sleeping Children Exposed to Plasticizers, Flame Retardants, and UV-Filters from Their Mattresses?"

pubs.acs.org/doi/10.1021/acs.est.5c03560

"Young Children’s Exposure to Chemicals of Concern in Their Sleeping Environment: An In-Home Study"

pubs.acs.org/doi/10.1021/acs.estlett.5c00051

I think these 2 are the ones I read about.

Cots are safe until they climb out of them. And you don’t know at what age that will be. I’m sure I found my son on top of his nursery wardrobe one morning. I did see one of those house building/renovating programmes in which the couple featured had children that were allergic to just about everything so all the furniture, sofas etc were old because they didn’t have toxic chemicals in them.

Cot mattresses (and child sized ones) can release toxic fumes.

It's known as "off-gassing."
The University of Toronto, has done lots of tesearch into the chemicals found in infant and children's mattresses.

I'll see if I can find the research.

Different people have different fears.
I was babysitting a little boy when I was a teenager. He was so active in his highchair it tumbled over and he crashed onto the floor hurting himself badly. Luckily this didn't happen on my watch but I vowed never to put a child of mine in a highchair.

On the other hand, the popular advice in the 1970s was baby on tummy, and looking back I wonder mine didn't suffocate. By the timeDD came along in the 1980s, it had changed to back sleeping.
How did we survive or our DC.
I have 7 DGC but I don't involve myself in their care. I'm just glad they are happy and healthy.

I really wouldn't worry if I were you. Your DC seem to be very good, caring parents.

"I’ve just voiced my concerns to my son and told him his family here in the UK think it’s utterly insane" .... well that will make you popular!!

Honestly, they are experienced parents, and no doubt they will have some sort of baby monitor on the go and other safeguards.

Please try not to worry.

I would be more worried about the concentration on the Golden Boy and how his big sisters might feel.

There is a strong case to be made out for zipping the lip if you wish to continue good relations with son and DIL. I am not surprised you have not heard back from your son!!

I appreciate everyone’s input on this matter. It’s clear that I am looking at it from the worst case scenario aspect.

It’s their choice to make and I’ll just butt out and what will be, will be.

My two granddaughters both slept in cots.. the eldest was transitioned from cot to a double bed at just over 12 months old but my second granddaughter stayed in her cot a bit longer.

I just have to point out that once the basement has been developed, my son and DiL will sleep in the basement bedroom with the 3 children on the main level. At the very least, I’ll just ask that they invest in a baby monitor for my grandson.

Thank you to all who have responded and made me see things from a different perspective.

I think they know what they are doing as this is their third chid and as you say the other two are top notch healthy girls.

They love their son and do not want any harm to come to him.