Grandsons mum fallen out with her mum

Where the hell did that come from goodness knows petra

It is odd and sad keepingquiet

Chardy

Btw in some cases of abuse (not just sexual, but physical or verbal), lots of outsiders will say that they always thought that the abuser was a really lovely person.

Where the hell did that come from 🤷‍♀️

Smileless2012

It can't be easy keepingquiet, knowing that the other GP's aren't allowed to see their GC when you can. I'd have found it hard if the boot had been on the other foot and we were seeing our GC but her parents weren't.

I was good friend's with ES's wife' mother before they met, which is how and why they met!!! She did quite literally bump into Mr. S. about 4 years ago; asked how we both were and if he would give her a hug. Maybe that was her way of asking if there was any bitterness on our part toward her for what had happened. They did share a hug .

I feel no resentment towards my DiL's mum, although she will always see her DD's side.

Now I see my GD regularly and know her other granny is unwell so I always ask after her, and my GD is quite free with the info she gives me.

I just find the whole thing very sad but I fear some families are just like that- they see the other family as a threat in some way. I find it very odd.

I understand Judi as a GM who has never known her only GC due to being estranged from our youngest son and FWIW, I think it's admirable that you are empathetic and upset that the other GM is now being prevented from seeing her GC.

If this is a result of her having told her D that she's unable to look after him on her own, due to being restricted by disability, you would IMO be taking a risk raising the matter with the child's mother.

Doing so could impact your own contact with him and he could lose his relationship with both GM's. It's a very difficult and I'm sure upsetting position to be in .

My goodness, I’ve just been reading through all the replies and I’m quite shocked at some of the comments. Firstly I’d just like to reiterate that I do not intend to go behind our grandsons mothers back and take him to see his other grandma. I was merely asking the question to this group if there were any suggestions on a different way of approaching things. Should I try to chat to my grandsons mum and find out what her reasons are. I understand that some may say it’s none of my business but my grandson is nearly 8 and is clearly confused that a nanna he saw regularly and always speaks fondly of is suddenly off the radar. I know the heartbreak of losing a grandchild, I wouldn’t wish it on anyone unless they are a danger of course. I’m coming from an empathetic viewpoint of the other grandparent, a responsible caring adult in my grandsons life and a desire to help my grandsons mum in whatever is causing her so much angst…. It’s a vicious circle and one where a little boy is losing out. To add some context to the history grandsons mum had another child (not my sons) and when he started to become more mobile her mum (the nanna) explained that she couldn’t look after him on her own as her disability is worse and she’s unable to cope. It’s since this decision the plug appears to have been pulled on the children seeing her.
Ultimately, I won’t risk anything that may prevent me seeing my grandson. I thought other grandparents might understand.

Smileless2012

It can't be easy keepingquiet, knowing that the other GP's aren't allowed to see their GC when you can. I'd have found it hard if the boot had been on the other foot and we were seeing our GC but her parents weren't.

I was good friend's with ES's wife' mother before they met, which is how and why they met!!! She did quite literally bump into Mr. S. about 4 years ago; asked how we both were and if he would give her a hug. Maybe that was her way of asking if there was any bitterness on our part toward her for what had happened. They did share a hug .

That is an interesting observation Smileless2012.

I've never thought to our daughters PILs, they're not in our life.

Something to ponder.

It can't be easy keepingquiet, knowing that the other GP's aren't allowed to see their GC when you can. I'd have found it hard if the boot had been on the other foot and we were seeing our GC but her parents weren't.

I was good friend's with ES's wife' mother before they met, which is how and why they met!!! She did quite literally bump into Mr. S. about 4 years ago; asked how we both were and if he would give her a hug. Maybe that was her way of asking if there was any bitterness on our part toward her for what had happened. They did share a hug .

Yes of course they do Norah and hopefully as the OP's been advised by everyone whose responded to do what her GS's mother has asked, she'll do so.

I often wonder what I would do in this situation.

I have no contact with anyof my GCs grandparents, but I was estranged from my youngest GC for a while and this was a horrible experience that still impacts our lives.

I often wondered what DiL's mum must have thought (still thinks?) of the situation, and some people did suggest I contact her but I knew this wouldn't be right.

So there has been five years of silence between us, two women who may well have lots in common including a shared love for the child.

However, as others have said, we have kept the silence and probably never will discuss what must have affected both our lives very deeply.

I have no advice to give here. It bewilders me a great deal.

Of course everyone has a different opinion on "children as weapons" however it remains best to keep opinions to oneself and do as mum asks.

The OP does know those involved BlessedArt. Maybe you don't have an opinion but the OP does and so do I.

*watching the other grand with her grandchild.

Smileless, accusing a mother of weaponizing her child is nasty when you don’t know them or the situation from a hole in the wall.

It’s not about differing opinions. I don’t have an opinion on the mother’s fallout with her mother. I don’t know anything about their situation to say such a thing about a parent I wouldn’t know if she walked past me right now. Neither do you.

Nowhere in the OP’s post does she claim to have intimate knowledge of the relationship, history, or family dynamics. She made a post with a few sentences and shared the limited, snapshot of watching the other grand with her grandmother, then drew a conclusion the she isn’t in a position to draw. She isn’t part of that family and neither are you. Drawing nasty conclusions from limited information is what meddlers do. You can agree all you want with the OP and you still wouldn’t have a remotely informed opinion. Your source here is someone whose judgement is bad enough that she had to ask the internet if she should sneak behind a mother’s back with regard to that mother’s wishes for her child. That in and of itself says all.

The OP hasn't said that at all Elowen. She said she would leave immediately if the other GM did speak inappropriately not that she has done so.

Just because others give an opinion that differs to yours BlessedArt, doesn't make them nasty. The OP does know her GS's other GM and how much she loves him and based on what she knows thinks her GS is being used as a weapon, and from what she's said, I happen to agree with her.

Not your child, not up to you so if you want to see your GC respect the mothers rules.

I think it absolutely appalling that with no real insight into the conflict people are accusing the mother of weaponizing her child. Neither mother nor the other grandmother are related to the OP. The OP is not close enough to them to truly know the issues. She is an outsider giving her opinion, and posters here know even less about why this woman doesn’t want her mother around her child. There aren’t enough details to accuse this mother of weaponizing her child and it’s a nasty accusation to lob from less than a snapshot of their situation. Nasty.

Follow her wishes and kindly keep out of her family business.

Not your place to decide who is right or wrong. Not your family to involve yourself in. You are lucky to have so much facilitation of the relationship with her being separated from your son. Keep it that way.

You have to do whatever mum says whether you agree or not it’s her son after all

Btw in some cases of abuse (not just sexual, but physical or verbal), lots of outsiders will say that they always thought that the abuser was a really lovely person.

If you don't do as the mum has asked, you may end up not seeing him too.

Do not get involved in the others issues with her own other. If she says her mother is to have no contact with the boy, so be it and it isn’t your place to overrule or question reasons why. Overstepping the mark might mean you losing contact with him…….and you wouldn’t want that.

You have said she says inappropriate things and bad mouths his mother, it sounds as though she has good reason for her not seeing him.

Whatever her instructions are re her son must be adhered to.

Do nothing ....absolutely nothing..do not involve yourself

Agree, you cannot get involved.

As above.