Prickly daughters

My DD is neuro diverse, it's been a difficult 35 years lol

We only meet up 2 or 3 times a year as she's a plane ride away.

I'm taking a step back as quite often our WhatsApp messages can be upsetting

Mokryna

Girls are better than boys adding?

Excuse me? I had no idea any skills were associated to a gender at all

The whole statement to your gd is so unfortunate

I have American granddaughters and when the younger one was about six I said that I had done something stupid. My GD looked horrified and said to her mother, " Mom, Granny said a naughty word, stupid" Lesson learned. I have always praised all my family if they look lovely or did well in exams. I can't see that a bit of praise did any harm, unlike a dear friend of mine whose father was always calling her stupid. She's actually very bright and artistic but has had to overcome undiagnosed dyslexia.

I think there are different rules for different situations. When in Rome etc. So my way is that if I am at my sons house, I support whatever he and his wife organise as to rules about bedtime or what to eat or whatever. I may not agree with them but it is their home. A different situation is when they come to my place. I stick to their rules for my grandson re things like what he eats or what sweets or whatever he is allowed. But other than those basics I just run my place as I choose. I am very anti smoking and would not allow anyone to smoke in my home or garden. Have been brought up not to waste water etc I will say turn the tap off if it has been left running etc.
But this is my home and there is not a great deal of pleasure about being a widow and living alone, but I can at least organise my home and my life and choose what I want to do and what I dont. Good manners mean that you respect the persons rules in their home. If it is difficult to meet in either home then I would organise a meeting in a neutral place.
This makes things easier I think, because for example the thought that someone would come in my house and smoke would certainly stress me out and I cant stand the smell which would linger. So obviously if I thought they would be smoking I would get uptight so then be more likely to argue or whatever. At our age we have brought up our families to the best of our abilities and had to cut our cloth according to our situation. One thing we can enjoy now is having our place just as we like it , whether it is full of books on the floor or only washing up once a day to save water. It is our place to make decisions. Besides it is good for grandchildren to learn that there are other ways of living and where rules blend or change according to the time and place. I think that part of being in a situation where you live on your own as you are older, is that however mad we get we cant do much about things which is frustrating , so doing y our own thing is our way of at least running our lives the way we choose.

I just thank God my daughter is Normal, tread on egg shells not likely. My daughter neither looks for problems or makes problems. That's why she is successful and well paid. Gets on OK with me as well.
I just have a normal relationship with her like most people have with their adult children.

Dyslexic DGD3, 10, I congratulated her on how well she had done adding, girls are much better than boys.
DD2, her mother, told me that I mustn’t say this as elder son, 12, had overheard, had complained to her about me.

My lovely mum had her own ideas for my children. She gave them sweets before I'd introduced them to anything sugary. She bought my daughter inappropriate shoes when she was about 8. However I would love if she'd lived long enough to see her grandchildren grow up.

I agree! It’s like treading on eggshells

I've never heard anyone say 'Good person' to their child.

I'm not a gran yet, expecting, but I say things without thinking, like when I'm riding I often tell my horse "Good dog", so I hope I'll be excused on account of scattiness.

Blimey no one has ever told me how to speak to my grandkids amazed that they ve all grownup such lovely, clever young people
Of course I d say ‘good boy’ if it was a male child who had done something well , what should I say ‘good lbgqxyz ‘

If you can't be open and honest there is no relainship, it's like walking on eggshells.

Prickly........mine was like barbed wire. Glad I walked.

My ‘rules’ are often stricter - no gendered descriptions eg brave boy, big boy, strong boy. Never call him naughty, never blame him for mishaps. Recently found out I am the only person who doesn’t give him chocolate either!
Sadly doesn’t avoid clashes and misunderstandings though.
I just try to say as little as possible!

Please don’t encourage talk about health In Rainbows. Sometimes it feels like old people talk about nothing else 😬😱😂

Is good morning permitted?

You seem to have a lot of answers.

I don’t know about you, but it seems as if the kids of today always come first. Maybe for when I grew up it was too much the other way around when children should be seen but not heard. I am just concerned what the future holds with them getting their own way as a child

I don't have that about my Grandchildren even though I have a prickly daughter. Mind you, there were lots of rules but I mainly agreed with them and didn't have any problems with the rest. I think conversation can be a minefield across the board and I do wonder about how intolerant the tolerant are.

why would you talk about diets EVER? And especially not when you are out to eat. I am with the daughter on this.

Young people are so influenced by people online using filters to achieve fake perfection that what they need is family support without judgement. Instead of talking about weight, talk about health instead.

Parenting is very different now, the world has moved on, we need to be mindful of that.

Mine, grateful for the respite, just say when with Nana it's Nana's rules. I can cope with that.

I m very lucky my children never gave me any rules about conversations when my grandkids were little
I d get advice or a note about what time they had feeds or had to be somewhere but the rest was left to me I presume they trusted that I d do childcare the same way I did for them when they were children and they were right I did it the same way
My 7 grandkids are now between 19 and 27 all in good jobs and all good people

As for not commenting if someone looks nice, what a shame! that could make someone’s day I can understand not to say anything negative or hurtful but a child to say ‘I like that ladies dress isn’t it pretty’ or similar where’s the problem? it’s conversation isn’t it something we are always trying to get young people to do
Don’t adults do that any more either? I would always tell someone a positive remark if they are looking good three people on different occasions last week told me they loved the dungarees I was wearing and that’s a lovely positive complement, makes your day
What a bland old world it is at the moment if we can’t say anything nice to a stranger

Thanks all

I just take it all in and do my best. At the end of the day I see them 2 or there times a week and they know how much I love them so it is all good. If I was that bad they would not visit so often. I sometimes think I would die for my partner but i would kill for my grandchildren!

It is not about prickly rules, it is personalities and how they like living their lives

I can understand not comenting on people's appearance, it may interpreted as judgemental

Just respect their wishes and a respectful relationship will lead to a better relationship with them

Is talk of diets or how others look necessary, kind, helpful?

Oh yes my mum would regularly nudge me and say look at that fatty ! rather loudly too.
I’ve always told my GC how gorgeous they are. both inside and out as do their parents but my mum always disagreed with us and said it would make them big headed.
I would try and stick to the rules where you can, but if your like me you’ll forget 😄