Prickly daughters

When I was at school, early 60’s, I commented to my English teacher how nice she looked in her dress. I was told off, I must not comment on people’s clothing. I was also told by my mother not to comment on food, just eat it. Off course I have fallen foul of these rules since, they change and then change again.
I am nearly always wrong with DD3 living in the UK, I excuse myself by putting it down to different counties and different times.
Each DD have their own rules and I try to obey them.

Things are so different today. My late Mum would often comment (sometimes a bit too loudly) on a person's appearance or weight. My Dad was totally non-PC and often called people (including me and my sibling) idiots or fools. I grow up thinking all this was normal. Now my DD would immediately tell me off if I spoke like this. I would definitely say my DD is prickly as the OP says.

My daughter was born prickly but we have never disagreed on anything relating to the children.

The last time I went by train to visit my daughter in St Albans, (she picks me up at Reading station)anyway before we’ve got halfway to St Albans.we were having an absolutely blazing row. I was saying turn around and take me home. She was saying you can go home I don’t want you here anymore.
Anyway, she kept driving. We got to our house. She made me a cup of tea and I said I think we’d better make an agreement not to discuss politics anymore and she agreed. 🤓 Totally opposite views on most things political

I suppose parents are often either trying to prevent their children from being over critical of others (making comments about weight, appearance, etc) or becoming overly concerned about similar issues in relation to themselves. As there are such alarming numbers of young people, particularly young women, having eating disorders, I think this is understandable and perhaps wise.

However, I think mass media and the internet are probably much greater influencers of young people's behaviour.

I understand a bit more what you are saying now.

Yes, the rules are a pain!

* when I was a child

V3ra

^Don’t ... comment on how people look even to say they look nice...^

My sister told me that she was dressed up to go to a wedding once and Mum's comment was,
"I probably shouldn't tell you this, but you do look rather nice."

Our Mum never paid us a compliment, about looks or anything else, as she didn't want us to get big-headed.

Our own children have been brought up differently.

Yes, I think it was a certain generation, Some times it would be said of someone admiringly, that they rarely praised, so to get one of their rare words of praise was a real accolade.

I never went with that, I always wondered how many people gave up or just drifted away because no matter how much they did or achieved, it was never recognised.

When my parents died, all their friends told us how proud they were of their daughters and they were always talking about us and what we did, which was of course very nice, but it would have been even nicer if , at some time they had said to us, so yes I did praise my children - and criticise.

Lets face it, when they go out into the big bad world our DC and DGC will meet both praise and criticism, possibly some of it well deserved, if they have met this within the home and can understand that criticism isn't the end of the world or a sign someone hates them, it will be to their advantage.

Our daughters do this too to some extent but I think is because there is so much out there on social media and on the telly about how a person should look, when I was a society wasn’t image driven, there were Hollywood stars like Monroe and Bardot but they were so far out of our reach that they didn’t seem real. I certainly didn’t try to emulate/look like them.
So I can understand it but instead of setting down lots of rules for grandparents surely it is just easier for the parents to educate and advise their children with regard to this because it won’t just be grandparents making a faux pas, there is a whole society out there ready to judge people based upon what they look like etc.

Don’t ... comment on how people look even to say they look nice...

My sister told me that she was dressed up to go to a wedding once and Mum's comment was,
"I probably shouldn't tell you this, but you do look rather nice."

Our Mum never paid us a compliment, about looks or anything else, as she didn't want us to get big-headed.

Our own children have been brought up differently.

Its never really been a problem with our DGC and their parents because, for us, our views on most things are aligned.

The DGC are now 18 and 15 so we relate as adults now, but when they were small if anything contentious or possible difficult came up in conversation with grandchildren when their parents were not around I always told their parents about it and what I had said.

Similalry if I ever gave my opinion on any subject, I always mde it clear that this was my personal opinion and others thought differently and so could they.

It’s a silly middle class thing, the helicopter parenting, forever worried what the little darlings will hear.

I guess that you have talked about having to go on a diet in front of your GC and your DD/s might be worried that it will make your GC start looking at their weight so I suppose that is understandable. I’m afraid that us oldies do often say things,that were always normal for us, but tend to offend the younger generation. My DH and I occasionally will comment privately on someone’s appearance ( an excess of tattoos for example) but we would always be careful of doing so in front of our DGD as I know she would probably be told off by her mum if she did so. We have to walk on eggshells I’m afraid.

Maybe, because you’re trying to lose weight, diet and how people look have become one of your constant topics of conversation without you realising it? And it’s become rather irritating.

It happens to everyone when they have a new focus in their lives that isn’t really of interest to others. It doesn’t matter what it is - a diet, grandchild, a pet, a operation whatever. People just can’t help bringing the subject up.

We’ve all done it and we’ve all suffered it from someone. Your daughters are just telling you rather than gritting their teeth politely😬

Can you just try and make light of your error and say, "oops, silly me, whatever next!"
I see my DGD often, two or three times a week, so inevitably I let slip something unacceptable. All I get is, "Grandmaaaaa!!" 🙉

Cambsnan surely your daughters are just protecting their children from the world of "judgement by looks". That's probably why they don't want you talking about diets or saying they are pretty (for example).

I don't think it needs to take the fun out of it if you know why.

Sons can be prickly too.

Yes , egg shells spring to mind.
Best not to air my opinions as they are usually wrong and not needed.
Just go along with their ways and keep schtum. Which is quite difficult for me!

I’m kind of not saying they are out of order. Just that normal conversation gets complicated. Children range in age from 4 to 18 so conversations do go into what they are up to on line or at school. I have been trying to lose weight so that comes up if we go out for food. Just venting that it feels like a mine field and takes away the fun!

Are these rules that have been made after some behaviour you have exhibited (that's a question, not a criticism), or do your daughters just like making up rules for rules' sake?

I think working out what all the rule-making is about might help you deal with it. One way of "dealing with" actually petty rules is to ignore them.

Sharing time with anyone can be a challenge if you aren't sensitive to the need to listen and just be in their company.
As a GP I learned quite early on to keep my mouth shut and focus on the positive aspects of being with family, and there are so many.
My family live away and I have come to stay for the week- yes, it drives me mad that they live like they do but they treat me like a queen and clearly like me being there. I just use it as a time to chill out and keep my opinions to myself.
My GC have grown to be polite, considerate and funny and I enjoy their company too.
When things get to me I just leave the room or go for a short walk...

Don't talk about diets or comment on how people look even to say they look nice, be careful of your tone of voice and so on really!!!

Why would you talk about diets and as for the rest .

I sort of see both sides of this.

I think you would have to list more rules, to see how out of order they are?