Prickly daughters

Both of my children seem to be totally grounded and not too critical of us. Childcare has been appreciated and I have never been given rules.
They are, however quite a bit older than their cousins who do seem to be so much more aware of their own feelings and let their parents and in-laws know what is expected of them. Entitled is the word that comes to mind, glad they aren’t mine.

That's crazy MrsMatt. I wouldn't want to work for such stupid people.
I hope your friend found a job with less strange rules for its employees.

A friend of mine was 'let go' from her job because someone reported her for bullying. Her crime was telling someone that her make up (different from usual) and hair looked really pretty. Go figure.

Just as it should be Menopauselbitch. IMO if there any parents who don't feel comfortable leaving their children with GP's without a book of rules, maybe they should find someone else.

When I read these questions it makes me feel blessed with my family. When I have my grandchildren I do as I please with them which includes discipline as well. We do things old school, whoever is brave enough to look after them does it their way.

I’m so relieved not to have had these problems with my grandchildren. We’ve had all sorts of interesting conversations, and at 17 and 20, they ask me for advice on various things eg finances.
However I am glad that I have had few dealings with my step-granddaughter who has been brought up very differently. Her parents are reaping the rewards (!) of “ gentle parenting” now she is a pre-teen.

@Sprunki Retake I totally get it — wanting to respect your daughter’s parenting choices while still enjoying time with your grandkids can feel like walking a tightrope. All the rules about language, food, and tone can make what should be joyful moments feel stressful instead. It’s hard not to feel like you’re constantly on eggshells, even when you just want to love on those little ones.

When my 2 youngest DGC visited around Easter, I took them into my "cornershop" to buy milk. While I was queuing they looked at the rows of chocolate bars and biscuits on the shelves with growing excitement.

I bought a bag of mini eggs but when I told their mum I got told off for taking them into such a shop!

I am definitely often in the wrong with DD. Last time they were here I asked in advance what the favourite food is so made tuna pasta. It wasn't touched because it had onions in it.
I can never seem to get it right.
I love them but find visits increasingly stressful.

All I can say is, with all these ‘can’t say this, can’t do that’ rules now, it amazes me that we oldies ever managed to raise normal, uncomplicated children!
My daughters have never been dictatorial about how I look after my grandchildren. Beyond certain necessary things (special dietary needs for a diabetic grandchild, for example) they have trusted me to use my common sense. They say that, as I raised them, I must have some idea of how to deal with their children!

Cambsnan

Why is parenting and grand parenting such a tension filled arena? I love my daughters and grandchildren and see them a lot but the rules!! I try to stick to mummy’s rules when I have the children re food, treats and screen time but the extra rules get ridiculous. Don’t talk about diets or comment on how people look even to say they look nice, be careful of you tone of voice and so on. It become less fun to share time with them!

I find it problematic that you find those rules so hard. It’s not difficult to not talk about diets. It’s very easy not to comment on how others look.

Today’s mothers are trying not to give their children food and body issues. Surely you should support this!

Oreo

It’s a silly middle class thing, the helicopter parenting, forever worried what the little darlings will hear.

I think Oreo is right. Of course you should watch what you say in front of children.

But the censorship and control in some cases and Society as a whole has become ridiculous.

The New Fascism masquerading as concern by the Worried Well. Paragons of Virtue?

We need to protect children but not tell them how they should react, think and feel.

Being successful and well paid is nothing to do with child rearing preferences in my opinion, rafichagran!

Just grateful my grandchildren are all grown up now and I don't have to contend with all this. Fortunately my daughter & I were on the same page as far as child care went. Excluding the penny sweets and donuts I occasionally bought them.

I , like a PP , was never told I looked nice or praised for achievements , nor was my brother . I came top in maths once and when I told my parents their reaction was to call me big head . I grew up with zero confidence , and even I passed the 11plus and went to grammar school , I thought I was dim . I didn’t try at school and failed most of my GCE’s .
Years later I didn’t try an entrance exam for nursing and it turned out I had an IQ of 140 . I think a bit of praise as a kid would have made a big difference to my confidence and my life .

It's like something out of Orwell's '1984' isn't it Granmarderby.

These adult children and their rules, and grandchildren actually reporting back to their parents!!
This must be as much fun as toothache

Although.... no one has ever told me I look nice, pretty, beautiful, lovely, except on my wedding day, and sometimes I would really just appreciate it. Smart is the best I've had - maybe people are frightened to be more personal but it has left me a touch paranoid that I've made the wrong choices, look weird, whatever. I always tell my grandchildren they look amazing

fortunately not in our case, but the worst part of those long pages of rules, is the emotional blackmail. Don't follow to the letter and you will not have the kids again. In one case, the very young children we told to test the grandparents and report back.

A hilarious “TikTok” reel came up on my Facebook today about a mum educating her mother (the granny) about the rules of gentle parenting.

My girls are great and just leave me to get on with it!

I have absolutely the same situation 😔. Walking on eggshells and being pulled up for all sorts of things. It makes me feel really sad. Makes visits unnecessarily stressful

Hithere

Mokryna

Girls are better than boys adding?

Excuse me? I had no idea any skills were associated to a gender at all

The whole statement to your gd is so unfortunate

Children's (and adult's) abilities come in the form of "bell Curves". At any task, a few will be hopeless, a few will be brilliant but the majority will come somewhere in between. For different tasks (learning to read, time to achieve potty training, spatial awareness, numeracy, etc.) the boys' bell curve will be different to the girls'. In some tasks boys will, on average, be better; in others it is the girls. The differences may not be great, but they do exist. If the bell curves for boys and girls are superimposed, the bits where the handles would attach are not in the same place.

crazyH

Boz - late-life care is my biggest and constant worry. I feel sad that my children may not inherit anything, if my health turns, and house and savings will be wiped out. But, it is what it is. 😫

You are quite right but DS plans is to look after me. He has had a sort of man hut built in the garden - part gym, part shed which I have a horror of being moved into.
"Watch yourself with that lawnmower when you get of bed and move that dartboard from over your armchair", Mother".

petra

My daughter was born prickly but we have never disagreed on anything relating to the children.

That must have been a painful delivery, Petra :-)

Boz - late-life care is my biggest and constant worry. I feel sad that my children may not inherit anything, if my health turns, and house and savings will be wiped out. But, it is what it is. 😫

I think that as we are living longer, families are around each other for longer. My children like to "put me right". Daughter is menopausal, overworked and facing an "empty nest" so I keep my mouth shut (hard) and agree with everything she says.
Son is 60 this year and although has no wish to put me right worries about what my late-life care will cost; so depressing.