ADHD, SEN and other problems in children

I have three grandchildren with autism. It infuriates me that you seem to think this is a made up condition.

Flippin2
You certainly seem to be in charge of his behaviour and would not let him hurt anyone.
My friend has 12 year old autistic twins they are severely affected but she would never let them hurt another child.
G
Grandmabatty you speak my language!

Your daughter needs to be firmer and refuse to let the child in. There have always been children who have had additional needs. In the past, they either went to a special school or were hidden in plain sight. A great number of children coped at school but were probably deeply unhappy. The brightest girl in my year was probably autistic, hugely intelligent but never made small talk or eye contact. Children with ADHD were called 'restless' or 'badly behaved' and often failed to thrive at school because of the structure. Your neighbour's child is suffering from poor parenting, not autism or ADHD etc.

Fartooold
Yes you do sound harsh,breaks my heart that my five year old grandson is autistic,we as grandparents went to a meeting to learn about how it affects children because we need to be educated,to him life is what it is,he's happy and plays well but by himself,he doesn't mix with other children and interaction with others is on his terms,to have him come and sit on my knee for a cuddle or just to sit is something I cherish

This is so wrong and unacceptable I have 3 with Down Syndrome now adults and they have been brought up to be kind, honest and respectful and are welcomed everywhere. It was not hard we had to be consistent!
I am afraid SEN and autism etc are an excuse for bad behaviour. Sorry if I sound harsh.

Special needs is not an excuse for bad behaviour. My grandson is "on the spectrum" (and there is a broad spectrum) and he is gentle, kind and well behaved.

As for the mum just "dropping in" your daughter will need to politely say that doesn't work for her.

It reminds me of years ago when I ran my small business from home and was a young Mum, some of the neighbouring women would frequently "drop in" on their way home from shopping or school run, mainly to moan about their husbands over a cup of tea, oblivious to the fact that I was working. I'd open the door and politely say "Sorry, I don't have time for a break this morning" and eventually they all got the message.

Excuses aren’t needed, just a frank conversation by your daughter with her neighbour in simple words explaining if her child won’t behave she’s not welcome.

Perhaps your daughter might not allow XY in her garden?

This is unacceptable and nothing to do with ADHD or SEN.

Your DD needs to lay down the ground rules for what she can expect in her own home, and if the rules are broken she needs to tell the parents so they know what behaviour is and isn't acceptable.