Grumpy Grandpa - AIBU?

Next time could you say to him that you are going to take the grandchildren out on your own because of how he acts and how stressed it makes you feel and stick to it for one occasion at least?

"They get over-excited, noisy etc" Well I would not put up with that in a restaurant, but would have dealt with it very differently. Have you always let the children have their own way? If so you are reaping what you sowed. Have their parents not taught them how to behave? I am an 84 year old grandmother.

Perhaps there is a level of deafness and being in a noisy environment set off the grumps?

Crikey

I have a friend who told me this week that she believed all husbands became Grumpy Old Men! I was astonished, as mine is not like that and nor are the men in any of the couples we know. What do Gransnetters think?

Eee turning into a nation of grumpy old Grandads

I'd be upset if anyone shouted those words to anyone. A determined "will you be quiet please" would be better especially in public. The kids are now of an age to goad their grandpa. A word with H to get him to understand he is feeding them material and they will continue just to see his reaction.

We only have one grandchild. She is 25 now. We are both totally besotted with her . I can't imagine either of us ever telling her off.

Dh was a placid, patient father to our three children.

As he grew older and the grandchildren came along, 8 altogether, he got a little tetchy.The eldest is 23 and youngest 9: and now he is very impatient , intolerant and grumpy and can’t really be doing with them around. He told our delightful, well behaved 9 yr old gd, ‘don’t be such a baby’ when a wasp made her squeal. I was very cross with him.

Having said all this, he had a stroke 5 months ago and is grumpy really with everyone.

Perhaps if he (or you if he won’t), speak to the kids in advance about acceptable behaviours.

Philippa60

Just to clarify, I have no issue at all with disciplining the kids and telling them to quiet down, they were just getting over excited really but it was entirely appropriate to call them on it.
My issue this time was his choice of words: "Shut your mouth" to a beloved grandchild is just wrong in my opinion.
He is very often grumpy, it is nothing new.
I always offer him the choice of not coming but he nearly always says he wants to come and is offended by me even suggesting him not come!
It is a bit of a lose-lose situation TBH.
I am constantly tense and on edge worried about him losing his temper.
I think the kids actually enjoy seeing him get irritated, it seems like a game to them.
But this time I just got really upset by his words.
He thinks I am completely out of line to be upset or to criticize him and says it is between them and him
I think that if we are out together his behavior reflects on me too, and if I don't react then I am condoning those words (which I am absolutely not).
Any more advice?
Thank you all for weighing in

My mother's partner only had to act in this manner once with my child and he was 10 at the time, trying to be helpful and totally shocked. I quietly sent him home to wait for me (we lived a couple of doors away) and then I told him no uncertain terms that his behaviour was deplorable for someone who was supposed to model the way to do things properly. I also pointed out that I would not accept that attitude from anyone, not even my husband, and I didn't expect my child to either. He stalked off at the time but apologised the next day. I let it go but it did ruin the relationship between my son and him which was a shame because he is grumpy normally but kind.

I would point out to your husband that you agree with his sentiment but not the way he did it. Ask him to say very firmly that he will not tolerate their excitement if it is bothersome to others and he will take them home immediately (or whatever you decide is acceptable) if they continue. Then back him to the hilt.

I wonder whether the children get a rise out of annoying
Grampa! If this is a regular outing maybe the kids are bored and we know where that leads….

That’s appalling- no need for language like that! What an example to set.

I would strongly object to the use of the words "shut your mouth". If he had said something like "Can we quieten down a bit, please". I hope there was no one else in the restaurant to hear his rude and childish outburst.

To say ‘Shut your mouth’ to anyone is really horrible - I too would be very upset

That is extremely rude behaviour on your husbands part regardless to whom he is speaking. Courtesy costs nothing

Smileless2012

Golly! How judgemental you are.
.

I don't know if I agree with some of what has being said about ADHD and depression, my daughter has recently been diagnosed at around 40 and has not had any depression, though she did have some anxiety about not getting everything done as she would wish it to be done.
Also he has obviously had ADHD for some time, so he does know about the affect on his life. My daughter has been given medication which very definitely helps, she's more lively and competent than she had been for a while. Also more bossy!

.

"Shut your mouth" is NEVER an acceptable expression to use at any time. Anywhere. EVER.
.

Sorry, should be "grumpy" though grumpty sounds about right...

NotSpaghetti

...true but 11, 13, 16 getting "over excited" is a restaurant is just not on.

The language used would be the issue for me - not telling them to be quiet!

Yes, I agree, the way he told them was not acceptable to me, though I would have had no objection to him telling them to be quiet. My husband is normally only grumpty with me, never my children or grandchildren! If he's rude to me though I do have it out with him.

I would be grumpy too if children, especially as old as that, were shouting in a restaurant

Agree with Smileless.

Smileless2012

^the only question I had was on the choice of words that H used^ TBH I think you've more important things to worry about Philippa.

The fact that your 16, 13 and 11 year old GC don't know how to behave; that they have little or no respect for their GF so see goading him as a game; that you seem to have little or no control over them and their parents have even less.

Harsh!

Yes, the ADHD could well be part of his "short fuse".
Thank you all for your comments and support.
I agree that I can now move on
Best, P60