Help. I don't want to play with Barbie or Paw Patrol

Oh, I liked the ponies. Probably because, being a horsey person I could think of loads of things to do with them.

But when it came to making cups of pretend tea and serving it up - well I suppose I was as bored with the pretend as I was with the real life scenario 😬

IamMaz

I am 69. I don’t ever remember being played ‘with’. I’d watch my mother baking, doing the washing etc but I amused myself with toys.

Same here. My Mum and every other Mum I knew were too busy washing clothes by hand or in a copper, hanging it out, ironing, cooking, cleaning, making beds, cleaning brass etc.

I do remember my Mum showing us ball games against the wall that she played as a child. She used to make us tents from blankets over the washing line. So basically she set games up for us then left us to it!

I do sympathise. My granddaughter loved playing with her Barbie’s and my little pony and wanted me to play with them with her. Time went very slowly! But I am so glad I had that time playing with her. She is now too old to play with her Barbie’s and is on her phone a lot of the time. I am pleased she wanted to spend time with me and I am glad I played with her. Happy memories.

IME most children like attention and benefit from it, it's the expectation that they will always be the centre of attention that has to be balanced against the needs of other people. TBH I don't think anyone needs to make a big thing out of it but always acquiescing to a child's wants doesn't do them any favours. Learning to give and take fairly can't come too soon IMO and if done preschool it gives children a head start in making friends. who wants to be friends with a child who always expects to get their own way and will throw a tantrum if thwarted? Sadly I think many parents try too hard to make up for being too busy and that's not a criticism because most parents have to work full time but I think as grand parents we do have the time to set boundaries and be patient when children have a tantrum. I'm a huge fan of the word "no" I don't think it's used enough in parenting.

We played with our GS's all day when they were little, with toys or making things up, and they loved books. I don't understand why you find it a chore. They're not little for long. All ours want to do now is play on their phones.

I understand completely, and sympathise - my own children didn’t seem to be so demanding of role play type games, but the grandchildren are different and my grandson especially demands that I actively engage/participate (which I do briefly but do not enjoy) 😑
I employ the “I will play for a while, then we will do something else” approach. As an only child myself I really don’t understand why adults are essential in this 😂

I don’t remember being played with either, but my dad used to take me out and about a lot, and right from when we were quite small we were allowed to go out and play, so many children on a post war council estate, there was always some one to play with.

I am an active Nanny and don't just sit there having a cup of tea I actually played on the slides and in the tunnels for 2 hours, including throwing an imaginary ball for her when she was being an imaginary dog.
Many soft play centres don't allow adults on the equipment unless the children are very small; you could just tell her you're not allowed on now thst she's a big girl.

Mind you, the noise in those places is enough to exhaust you!

I have always been a great reader throughout my life, and so any children with me get used to me having a coffee/book break. So at that time I would ask them if they wanted to choose a book that they could either read themselves or I would read to them. Part of that was to sort of put sitting down and reading quietly into the options. So I was quite prepared to play noisy games, or with things that I did not really enjoy, but it would be interfaced with the reading breaks. That way if I was asked to do something, the reply would be next play time we will, and sticking to it, however hard it could be, they soon learnt that neither begging, tantrums, or rudeness , would make me cancel the reading break. In the beginning it was cringing at times, with shouting or whining but it was worth it to both lay down the rules and then you can also use it to say, we have played with your game and now it is my time to read. The most important lesson learned is give and take, which they will need to learn throughout life I would say. Also she will be learning that not everyone behaves in the same way, and that there is no overall rule that everyone follows. Another possible thing is if you have two rooms, you could choose one to be the playing noisy or other games, but actually go into another room to sit and read, so that it also shows her simply that you are now in the reading room or whatever. The games she enjoys will no doubt change over time, but the sharing of time and give and take will still be important at whatever stage she is at. Good luck and hope she soon begins to understand that your home your rules. Staying the person you actually are is important, as even if she does not like what you do for the moment, she does learn that this is you and you can be trusted to remain the same whatever else changes.

I recall when my children were small it took ages to get them to sleep because they insisted I read and read to them until they nodded off. Then, if they woke they wanted me to start again!

It was driving me mad until I took my knitting out. After the story ended I would tell them I wasn't going anywhere but would sit and do my knitting instead.

Soon, I didn't need to do the knitting and they would just fall asleep without all the fuss.

I think I was contributing to the problem.

I think you just need to think outside the box a little on this one, and suggest some other sorts of scenarios which allow a gradual lessening. I think your GD is expecting this because of your super gran style at the play centre. I would start here and not join in so much with the active play.

On another note my youngest GS was like this- now when I go to see him he's playing on his computer games and not bothered about playing with me!

Make the most of it while she's little, it won't last long and then you'll miss it...

Wow, you must’ve been exhausted after that day. I think your gc did a lot! To me, there’s no wrong or right answer. It’s fine imo for a child to play on their own and for them to be bored sometimes and no shame if you’re bored of their toys! One of my gc is an only child and is just 4. He will play on his own but equally loves ome attention. If it was me, I’d do both, not least for my own sanity! And I would sometimes say, not now as Grandma is a bit tired. I’ll watch and play with you later To me, soft play is for kids to play independently ( with me supervising if need be). You have to ask why she must have constant attention .

I am 69. I don’t ever remember being played ‘with’. I’d watch my mother baking, doing the washing etc but I amused myself with toys.

V3ra

^Oh, thank you, I never knew!^

Glad it's not just me then 😂

Well, if you see him again, tell him you told someone that and she said that, in her experience from Real Life, they were not just red or green, they were multi-coloured 😂

Carry on doing what you described here. Thw child threw a tantrum when you said you were going to do something other than play her games, but simmered down, joined in, and enjoy whatever it was you were doing that she could do too.

Her parents are barking up the wrong tree and making a fine rod for their own back by giving in to the dear daughter's demands.

She is three, this is a phase all children go through. By saying, as you do, that you will play with her and her toys for a little while, but then you have other things to do, you are teaching her that both her and your wishes are important.

Unless she grows out of this phase very quickly, her parents are on the right road to letting her become a spoilt, bossy little madam and at some point the poor child will be taught in a hurtful way that the world does not spin around her and her desires.

I certainly wouldn't enjoy these either, but sets of things like zoo or wild animals are more fun and you can get these in large Tescos or toyshops everywhere.
All my grandchildren have enjoyed the Orchard Toys games, both before and after the recommended age ranges. "Shopping List" was always a favourite, as are "Farmyard heads and tails" and "Little bus lotto" though the age they can do them will obviously vary from child to child. My oldest grandchild is a teenager now but happy to join in, particularly with matching games such as Jungle Jumble or the "Pizza Pizza" game. We've often found that young children are just as good at matching as older children or adults.
You can buy these games online from the manufacturer or from Amazon, and John Lewis stock quite a few.

V3ra

TerriBull

I did enjoy the dinosaur phase both with children and grandchildren.

We have a good collection of dinosaurs and some of my minded children over the years have been very knowledgeable about them.

One boy had carefully arranged all the dinosaurs in the gravel pit and called me to have a look.
"Oh that's nice," I said, "You've grouped all the red ones together and all the green ones together."
"Well that's because these are all the carnivores and these are all the herbivores," he explained.

How lovely! Sounds just like my son when he was about 4. He had every plastic dinosaur going. He got so obsessed with them that if we were going out he had to line them all up and he and I had to name them correctly before we left. They were such happy days!

We kept the dinosaurs, one son obsessed with them for a few years, and requested frequent trips to the Natural History Museum where as a 7 year old thoroughly imbued me on the different species and their varied traits, with me at intervals saying "please can we have a sitting down break now"

Kids love dinosaurs, my granddaughter always asked when she arrived "I want to play with the dragons" Worth every penny of what they cost considering the mileage we got out of them.

Oh, thank you, I never knew!

Glad it's not just me then 😂

V3ra

TerriBull

I did enjoy the dinosaur phase both with children and grandchildren.

We have a good collection of dinosaurs and some of my minded children over the years have been very knowledgeable about them.

One boy had carefully arranged all the dinosaurs in the gravel pit and called me to have a look.
"Oh that's nice," I said, "You've grouped all the red ones together and all the green ones together."
"Well that's because these are all the carnivores and these are all the herbivores," he explained.

Oh, thank you, I never knew!

TerriBull

Tis the season of conkers! many a bright Autumn day was spent loading up buckets with the glossy but totally useless brown fruits of the Horse Chestnut Tree, only to be chucked away surreptitiously disposed of in their absence They expect them to be kept forever. I was often indignantly asked "where are my conkers?" a monumental sin of not taking care of small person's valuables, almost comparable to offloading gold bars as stored by the BoE bad mother/grandmother!

They're supposed to deter spiders so I collected them and put a couple of bowls full in the conservatory.

Not our spiders!

TerriBull

I did enjoy the dinosaur phase both with children and grandchildren.

We have a good collection of dinosaurs and some of my minded children over the years have been very knowledgeable about them.

One boy had carefully arranged all the dinosaurs in the gravel pit and called me to have a look.
"Oh that's nice," I said, "You've grouped all the red ones together and all the green ones together."
"Well that's because these are all the carnivores and these are all the herbivores," he explained.

Strange little habits they develop My brother, emptied a load of conkers on to a fire we had in the dining room once, only the once! whilst my mother had ten pink fits as the pinged and exploded around the room Conkers in the house were banned after that.

TerriBull, one of my granddaughters had a thing about gravel, her little pockets and the tray of the pushchair were always full of the stuff, also pine cones, which she collected by the bag full.

Tis the season of conkers! many a bright Autumn day was spent loading up buckets with the glossy but totally useless brown fruits of the Horse Chestnut Tree, only to be chucked away surreptitiously disposed of in their absence They expect them to be kept forever. I was often indignantly asked "where are my conkers?" a monumental sin of not taking care of small person's valuables, almost comparable to offloading gold bars as stored by the BoE bad mother/grandmother!

Some children will play on their own happily, others prefer to have company.

I found my DD and my DGD liked playing alone, although in fact they were not really on their own as they had their dolls, Fisher Price people etc. and used to be chatting to them and making up stories. I was not allowed to join in with these games 😁 - they were "playing with their people"

Could you find some other, less boisterous, activities that might keep her occupied?
Remembering what I did with my DGC at about that age, going for a walk, collecting autumn leaves then making 'pictures' with them, Playdoh, making cakes and smoothies.

As for tantrums, the Thunderous Threes can be awesome but having a tantrum should not mean they get her own way.
And minding their Ps and Qs is important too.