4 year old granddaughter- adhd? Autism

DGS (14) who is autistic and can have terrible tantrums,(witnessed by two broken doors), did not have tantrums when younger. These seemed to appear when teenage hormones kicked in and he was very stressed by secondary school. (Home schooled now). He does not remember how he behaved during an episode and asked about the damage and would not believe he caused it. Things are much improved now with only occasional outbursts.

You have my sympathy muffymk, grandparenting a child with these difficulties is very hard work. My gd sometimes lashed out both physically and verbally when she was younger but, although she can be impulsive, she’s stopped lashing out. It was always made clear to her that her behaviour was unacceptable and hurt and upset us but we were careful to be clear that it was the behaviour that was bad, not her and that she needed to learn strategies to manage it.

Progress was slow and we have had our ups and downs but she’s growing into a lovely young woman.

We have 3 Grandchildren .. 2 were diagnosed early and they are generally well behaved ,,, The 3rd Grandson was not diagnosed until fairly late and is very good at school but is quite difficult when visiting and when at home ... there is no magic bullet , you have to do what you can ...

my GS was diagnosed with autism and non verbal when he was 3, he is now 6, he goes to a special school for children with communication problems, he has learned to speak a few words and the temper tantrums have got a little better, i have learned over the last few years that i won't ever be close to him, i am okay with this, when he comes to my house he can give me a cuddle but only if he wants to, if me and his mum and dad are talking and it gets too much he can go to my room and play his game. he used to hit me but i told him no and just walked away, i love him to bits and i learn the same as his mum and dad do. has your GD been diagnosed? what do mum/dad do when she has a tantrum?, i watched a mum dealing with a screaming child on the floor in a shop i was in, she said loudly, right i am going, hope you can find your own way home, she still screamed until i was trying to get out with my walker, i said i was sorry but if she did not move i would have to run over her and it would probably hurt, she got up and left, mum was standing outside. my S/DIL let him have his tantrum then ask him what is wrong.

In children so young I think its more a case of normal temper tantrums.

My DGGS is almost 12. Fully diagnosed ADHD with autism traits a few months ago.
He is a delight to be around, exceptionally clever intelligent lad. He understands his feelings and parents discuss any behavior issues.
I'm sure the diagnosis doesn't mean your grandaughter will continue present behavior as they get a bit older.

I think Baba and Sara illustrate that such behaviour isn’t uncommon at that age, biting too, but I’d be loathe to label normal behaviour. Rather discuss it with the parents and agree a way to handle these incidents which she’ll probably grow out of.

Our three year old GS has terrible meltdowns. Can last for over an hour and completely exhaust everyone including himself. I recall one of my DDs was the same as a small child.
Am sure the parents are aware of this and have looked at all possibilities as my DD and SiL have, but basically he just gets emotionally overwhelmed. Big emotions for little people.
Sorry I can’t be more helpful but I do think this will pass.

My grandson had the most epic meltdowns. Completely unmanageable, and quite embarrassing when they happened in public.
At twelve, he is a delightful boy, we sometimes remind him of some of his more dramatic moments, hard to imagine it’s the same boy
Hopefully your granddaughters meltdowns will disappear gradually.

An appointment with the GP would be the first step in finding out why she behaves the way she does. If she is on the spectrum then she will find some aspects of life overwhelming and challenging, hence the meltdowns and lashing out.
It will be up to her parents to start that ball rolling. Good luck.

Is she on the ASD pathway?
ADHD is not generally diagnosed until 6 or 7 at the

Are her parents worried about her behaviour?