Can grandchildren cope with two phones - one for each parent's house?

Why do we keep seeing on here that a child has ‘refused’ to do something? What happened to bringing children up to be well behaved and obedient ) bearing in mind the times when they will be naughty - that’s different.
I can’t understand how a child gets to refuse!! They are children and the parents really should parent!

As your son is separated from his wife, there is probably no liklihood of him reaching an agreement with her about this, as she already has refused to install parental controls on the children's phones.

Please, do not get directly involved here, apart from advising you son to state quite clearly to his children that when they are in his house, they obey his rules.

There will be tantrums, when he makes it clear either that their phones are to be locked away by him, when they arrive and handed back when they return to their mother's, or locked away at a certain time every evening.

He will probably have a difficult conversation or two with their mother too,

Right now, he is making a door-mat of himself, and as many divorced, or soon to be divorced parents do trying to "make up" for the split with their mother by spoiling his children rotten. He needs to put his foot down now, install netNanny on his own laptop, and explain to his children that they need a decent night's sleep, which they are not getting if they are playing games till all hours.

Disconnecting the internet at a certain hour sounds a really good idea to me.

BlueBelle

Many children younger have phones but 11 is the age majority get their phones when they move up to high school Astitchintime I doubt very much that there are many 11 years old without a phone

.. but they have to be switched off when at school all day. Children are being diagnosed with addictions and ADHD from too much computer usage.

Dad needs to physically remove their phones at whatever time is their age appropriate bed times, and be strong about it, rather than blaming mum.

Separate phones is a nightmare, but 8pm is a bit early these days for an 11 year old.

Very sad that your grandchildren are being allowed to have mobile phones that can be used so freely, with no controls. Your son needs to parent his children when they are in his custody in the way he thinks is appropriate. The children will kick against his discipline, but he's not doing them any favours if he allows unlimited use of phone/tablet. He needs to establish his guidelines, explain them to his children, and ensure he has plenty of enjoyable activities planned during 'his time'. He can't foster a good relationship if their eyes are on the screens all the time.

Of course it only needs one of the children to get hold of Mum's bank details and start buying stuff and she will probably realise how important parental controls are. My grandson had no idea how expensive some of the games he was looking at really were. It had to be explained very firmly!

TBH I'm shocked that a 10 and 11 year old can't be controlled by their father.

IMO if dad has stricter rules and sticks to them the DCs will just have to get used to it. He might need to offer some alternative as an option but I don't think that doing nothing just cos it is difficult is at all wise. The DC will eventually respect him for caring.

Thanks everyone for taking time to comment

I agree with Sago in that the kids will just keep the phones their mum has given them and not hand them over.

Dad will just have to learn to be firm with them. 8 pm handover.

Many children younger have phones but 11 is the age majority get their phones when they move up to high school Astitchintime I doubt very much that there are many 11 years old without a phone

I am speechless!! No parental controls, no discipline. Dad must put his foot down, why can't both parents present a united front and make it very clear who is in charge- it is certainly not them !!
Goodness knows what the children are watching.

I’m shocked that a ten year old and eleven year old have a mobile to be honest.

That is a very sad post,

I have had two cells as an adult - one for personal use, one for work.

A nightmare.

But this is not the issue at all here - the father needs to put his foot down about this and get ready for the tantrum

This is not your circus. Do not interfere

Enforcing a joint position with their mother? In my opinion this is a complete joke.

OP doesn't say how much time is spent with each parent?

If it is equal sahre then I feel at that age it may be too late but if not then dad's authority will be undermined by mum's rules and he will have an uphill battle. This is the reality- he is between a rock and a hard place.

I would also advise not interfering though- you have to keep quiet I'm afraid.

I think that’s pandering to the children, if he has joint custody he should agree a joint position with their mother on mobile phone usage and both should in enforce it, neither parent are doing their children any favour.

Just switch off the phones at the dad’s house. How old are the children?

Frankly I have never heard of anything more ridiculous.

If the parents are not giving them boundaries and they are so addicted to their phones they are hardly likely to hand over their unrestricted phones for one with restrictions.

The problem is with the parenting.

Poor children.

Could he turn the WiFi off

Thanks for your opinion. I'm interested in any experiences of children having two phones, one for each house they live in, and how that pans out for the children.

Whilst I appreciate your concern, personally I don’t think you should get involved.