Hurt by daughter’s actions

I understand your situation and indeed it is disconcerning. My daughter uses me as the bad person causing the problems in her marriage. Things she has told my grandchildren have shocked me. Clearly she does not respect me or all the help in many ways my husband and I have provided for them. So at one point after being chastised for problems in her marriage I promised her to stop providing any kind of support financially, babysitting etc. And I have kept my word. They have been in financial straights for several years but we haven't helped them out in any respect and she now works almost 24/7. I still can't get over the ugly comments she has made to our grandchildren. This is one crazy world we live in.

Sarnia

Allira

Sarnia

welbeck

Essexgirl145

Why would you be buying nappies at three years old?.

Probably for the 2 year old ?

I often lament the decline in comprehension seen on these threads.
But mostly keep it to myself.
Having read yet again on other threads the usual disdain from the SPAG brigade also directed at those who live happily ignorant of soufflé or suet
I urge closer reading.
Happy Xmas.

welbeck please tell me what SPAG brigade means.

I already asked and welbeck already answered!

Thanks. I have scrolled back and found it. I am somewhat distracted this morning by having 2 hyper active little girls on Christmas Eve who do not know what to do with themselves.!!!

Understood!
We're rather distracted too but for a different reason ☹

Allira

Sarnia

welbeck

Essexgirl145

Why would you be buying nappies at three years old?.

Probably for the 2 year old ?

I often lament the decline in comprehension seen on these threads.
But mostly keep it to myself.
Having read yet again on other threads the usual disdain from the SPAG brigade also directed at those who live happily ignorant of soufflé or suet
I urge closer reading.
Happy Xmas.

welbeck please tell me what SPAG brigade means.

I already asked and welbeck already answered!

Thanks. I have scrolled back and found it. I am somewhat distracted this morning by having 2 hyper active little girls on Christmas Eve who do not know what to do with themselves.!!!

It sounds as though your daughter is using you to control and discipline her children.
You feel very sorry for her as she's stressed out ,but if you want it to stop (I certainly would) -you'll have to tell her that you strongly object to being made into some sort of ogre .
A family member did a similar thing to me .
I had absolutely no idea until he fell out permanently with someone and they betrayed him .

I was shocked to the core .

Please don't let it continue .

Sarnia

welbeck

Essexgirl145

Why would you be buying nappies at three years old?.

Probably for the 2 year old ?

I often lament the decline in comprehension seen on these threads.
But mostly keep it to myself.
Having read yet again on other threads the usual disdain from the SPAG brigade also directed at those who live happily ignorant of soufflé or suet
I urge closer reading.
Happy Xmas.

welbeck please tell me what SPAG brigade means.

I already asked and welbeck already answered!

welbeck

Essexgirl145

Why would you be buying nappies at three years old?.

Probably for the 2 year old ?

I often lament the decline in comprehension seen on these threads.
But mostly keep it to myself.
Having read yet again on other threads the usual disdain from the SPAG brigade also directed at those who live happily ignorant of soufflé or suet
I urge closer reading.
Happy Xmas.

welbeck please tell me what SPAG brigade means.

I would ask your daughter not to use you as a deterrent. With all you do, it's very unfair. Keep doing all the lovely things you do with your grandson and let him know that he doesn't disappoint you in any way. You appear to be a calm presence in his life which he seems to need at the moment. He must be confused but stay yourself and he will come round.

Essexgirl145

Why would you be buying nappies at three years old?.

Because there are some children who are slow at getting to grips with toilet training. I know the modern trend is to have them dry and clean before they are a week old but in the real world it doesn't happen that way.
Cut this poor lady some slack, for pity's sake.

sazz1 I wouldn't want any children to be riding to and from school, even in daylight. The roads are not safe for cyclists, let alone children.

Next time your DD rings you during an argument with her H. Put the phone down. She is completely out of order doing that. If the two of them want to argue, that is their problem between the two of them, pulling you into it on one side or the other is totally unacceptable.

As others have suggested tell her that using you as a threat to the children is unacceptable and that she is to stop doing it. It is effectively elder abuse and she has no right to use any other person's name as a means of disciplining her children her children.

Talk about the two problems; using your name to discipline the children and her ringing you when arguing with her husband, in separate discussions.

Once you are in a situation like yours getting out of it is never easy, but putting all your resolve into it now will stop it being worse later.

By feeling able to play up, your grandson is actually showing he is fed safe with you. He has probably just reached the pushing boundaries stage. You are giving him what he needs and that sink in. My Nan and Mum used to always go on about how cross my Grandad was but one day when I disobeyed him he just said, “Oh, X, I am disappointed in you.” It dispelled all my fear of him from then onwards!
I have the same situation with my daughter and husband. I do worry but just have to keep quiet.

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

welbeck

SPelling And Grammar police.

Oh! Thanks.

Grandmabatty

Small children often change allegiance in a blink of an eye. Carry on behaving normally with him. However I think you have to tell your daughter not to use you as a threat

That’s what I think too, and the DD should def be told about it.

SPelling And Grammar police.

What is the SPAG Brigade?

welbeck

Essexgirl145

Why would you be buying nappies at three years old?.

Probably for the 2 year old ?

I often lament the decline in comprehension seen on these threads.
But mostly keep it to myself.
Having read yet again on other threads the usual disdain from the SPAG brigade also directed at those who live happily ignorant of soufflé or suet
I urge closer reading.
Happy Xmas.

Well, I was surprised at ready made soufflé.
I thought they had to be mixed, baked and served quickly!

Sorry, I deflect.

We also often have them when our daughter and her husband go out or go away for a few days.

Just say NO, sorry, looking after them while they are working is one thing but that is taking the proverbial.

Essexgirl145

Why would you be buying nappies at three years old?.

Probably for the 2 year old ?

I often lament the decline in comprehension seen on these threads.
But mostly keep it to myself.
Having read yet again on other threads the usual disdain from the SPAG brigade also directed at those who live happily ignorant of soufflé or suet
I urge closer reading.
Happy Xmas.

Essexgirl145

Why would you be buying nappies at three years old?.

For the two year old perhaps?

As Grandmotherto8 posted, and your DD is not willing to be the parent and deal with the children's behaviour, snd is using you as a threat. You have to tell her to stop that. Involving you in conflict between herself and husband is wrong too. You should refuse to listen and just end the call. Sounds like your DD has been indulged by you for too long and now you are paying the price.

Our older DD used to take her arms out of her car seat straps but I thought they must have improved since then. She thought it was great fun!

If not, this might help ask your DD and SIL

www.halfords.com/baby-and-child/travel-accessories/child-safety/5-point-plus-anti-escape-system%3A-6-months-to-4-years-478070.html?cm_mmc=Google+PLA-_-]][[Baby+and+Child%3ETravel+Accessories%3EChild+Safety-_-Baby+&+Child%3ETravel+Accessories%3EChild+Safety-_-478070&gclsrc=aw.ds&&_$ja=tsid:|cid:17136607329|agid:|tid:|crid:|nw:x|rnd:5961880707928407350|dvc:t|adp:|mt:|loc:1006502&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=17141165404&gbraid=0AAAAADrJx6z4iuARNl3e4-xH8RnaIhEV3&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI8fSV8obUkQMVpohQBh0qZSe8EAQYASABEgL-ZPD_BwE

Essexgirl145

Why would you be buying nappies at three years old?.

It’s a different debate but my youngest grandson wasn’t toilet trained til he was 3 years 7 months, It was none of my business so I said nothing.
I was starting to think he was going to be one of those children you hear about who start school in nappies as he has a July birthday but thankfully he was out of them with no accidents by the time he started this September.
He was a day nursery three days a week - they didn’t say anything either so they obviously dont think its that unusual.

I get this to a lesser degree from my daughter. Eg. granddaughter wanted to ride a bike home from school in the dark with no lights. Told mum she would do it anyway! I rang her and she politely told me it was safe in the locked school compound and she was on the bus stop. I said she was very sensible, as mum was worried she'd get arrested by police with no lights. Probably not exactly true at 11yrs, although they may have taken her home - that's if an officer was anywhere to be seen they're quite rare these days. It worked she doesn't ride in the dark anymore.

I agree with what Lathyrus has said
I will say that none of the things you’ve said about three-year old behaviour are unusual. Not letting you help with clothes or the toilet and not wanting to hold your hand is totally normal independent development. So I think you’re reading way too much into that.

and will add:

They are not called The Thunderous Threes for nothing! Three year olds are trying assert their independence and their meltdowns can be more spectacular than those Terrible Twos tantrums.

He may well behave like this with you because he trusts you and know you still love him whatever.

However, your daughter needs to be told (perhaps by your DH) not to keep using Grandma as a threat. She also sounds extremely stressed but she and her DH need to sort this out for themselves.

You do a lot, and must get quite exhausted. Can they employ some after-school help for the older ones?