Allowing children time and space

Children have to learn how to cope with nothing to do. They are capable of so much more then their indulgent parents allow them to be.

i always wished i was an only child as i craved some just me time when i was young, being the eldest i had to do things when i came back from school and it was usually about 7pm before i could even think about sitting with a book, i only had one child so it was probably easier to let him have time on his own just to wind down after a busy day at school, some nights i let him have dinner in his room and he would just listen to music. children today seem to have so much going on and with mobile phones they never seem to just relax and switch off.

I read ages ago that kids need some unstructured time to metaphorically just kick a ball against a wall. It's true!

Yes, many of our children have become massively overstimulated. And this is what may be contributing to huge increase in mental health problems for this age group.

Also there seems to to be a lot of attached status and competition amongst parents.

In boasting about what paid activities and after school clubs their children attend.

Just look at Mumsnet posts.

I believe that children should have plenty of benevolent neglect. Space to dream, get bored, go exploring and sometime, especially in adolescent, just lie on their beds and think..

Reading through the replies I was just thinking the same thing, except I've always known it as "benign neglect"!

Even if they're struggling with something I've always believed children need time and space to figure things out for themselves. The look of triumph when they succeed is priceless 🙂

I’ve experienced similar very recently since November actually. My 20 year old granddaughter asked to come for dinner out of the blue one day and now it’s a weekly thing. She slouches on the sofa next to me we chat about our week eat dinner then she chooses a film for us to watch and we are both happy. Nothing extravagant just us sharing each others company. I couldn’t be happier. 🌺

I believe that children should have plenty of benevolent neglect. Space to dream, get bored, go exploring and sometime, especially in adolescent, just lie on their beds and think..

From the moment they are born, children seem to have to be entertained these days. Too much crash bang wallop in kid's tv/films, nothing is quiet for their brains. It's no wonder they complain of being bored if nothing is over stimulating their brains. Children need to have quiet time from when they're tiny and learn to entertain themselves.

Loved this article. It is so true. This is something I’ve mentioned many times to my own family. The fact that my DGC being bored seems somehow to be akin to abuse!! I especially have this issue with one set of DGC because I have gotten to the point that I dread being asked to help with them because they truly believe that every minute of their day should be filled with activities! Boredom allows the brain a rest in my humble opinion.

I don’t have GC yet but my goddaughters dd is 9 and has a full itinerary of after school and weekend activities and apparently this is normal for her friends as well . My goddaughter also tells me that going to a friends house for tea, doesn’t happen anymore due to parents working full time.

agnurse i just love that. My younger daughter is expecting her first child soon and I am going to pass this on, I know she will also love it!

foxie48

If we went to my mum and said we were bored, she'd say, "I'm not in charge of boredom. I'm only in charge of work. What kind of work would you like to do?"

It was amazing how fast we were suddenly not bored!!!

My GCs all have itineraries after school or nursery, and at weekends. When I was younger we never got taken anywhere, we had to play in the poky back yard where the laundry was hung out to dry or in the back lane with our friends where we played marbles or skipping etc., as we got older we ventured into the countryside and had such wonderful times, making dens or swinging in the trees. I feel a bit sorry for our GCs who don’t have any escape from the adult world, always escorted everywhere by their parents or someone else’s parents.
We hated being with the grown ups.

Sparklefizz

I am an only child and would never have dared to say I was bored to my parents who would have given me chores to do, like foxie48.

I had to learn to entertain myself - drawing, reading, writing stories, playing with a ball against the wall, lying on the grass watching the ants or the clouds in the sky. etc etc.

Me too Sparklefizz

I was an avid reader (still am) and that was my key to the world, along with all the other things you mention.

When we used to have GC for the day we purposely didn’t arrange outings. We just hung out with them, reaching books and doing crafts if they wanted to. They lived the opportunity to chill out.

Like foxie48 I learnt to occupy myself rather than complain of being bored, which meant more chores.

My DGS arrives and disappears into her phone for a while before coming in to talk or to ask if there’s anything she can do to help.,Last week I forgot to close the jigsaw board, and she spent ages doing that.

chardy
Schools pressure teachers to put on after school activities, parents want to make memories.
The you’re right about the pressure from school, and also unbelievably, from OFSTED!
Even more pressure comes from parents who want free child care. I run computing club from 3.30-4.30.
Parents often ask if I could run it till 5pm, and there’s a group who are constantly late for pickup.
The children, once club has finished just sit and chat or get homework out or read while they wait. Good for them, not so much for me.

Two boys I looked after together from babies still come here when required during the school holidays. They're 8 years old now.

If one is here on his own he is like a fish out of water and doesn't know what to do with himself. He likes to play football though and will join in a random game at the park, but he's happier when my other minded children are here as well.

The other one is happier here on his own than when there are other children present, even though he's grown up with them. He likes peace and quiet to draw, build Lego and do jigsaws.
He does like the swings at the park, and brought his scooter over half-term so he gets his fresh air and exercise that way!

Sparklefizz

I am an only child and would never have dared to say I was bored to my parents who would have given me chores to do, like foxie48.

I had to learn to entertain myself - drawing, reading, writing stories, playing with a ball against the wall, lying on the grass watching the ants or the clouds in the sky. etc etc.

I too am am only child and did indeed learn to entertain myself very early on, luckily I loved reading, colouring and being outside, hours and hours spent busying myself!

foxie48

Lovely article and one with which I totally agree. Many children are not given the chance to be bored so they don't develop the skills to deal with it. If I said to my mother, I'm bored, she'd say she could find plenty of things for me to do, which meant housework or other chores so I found ways to amuse myself. I took the same line with my children and it certainly didn't do them any harm, quite the opposite in fact. IMO many children do too many organised activities, are often kept too busy when they need time to just "be".

I couldn’t agree more.

Learning to “entertain” themselves is an absolute must!

Sadly something some children never learn and it can be a be pain when they become older too.

A wise friend of mine once observed that

‘Boredom in childhood builds the resilience necessary to deal with the mundane jobs when young adults start working.’

It's sad for me watching my grandchildren as it's mostly (not all) organised activities or being busy on a device. There are particular reasons for this which are one grandchild so disabled she takes up 50-60% of adult time. And they do make time for
1 2 1 time with each child once in the week.
One girl, 9, is so into crafts she'll just grab stuff and make things..

but..what concerns me is no time to have to face not just boredom but things like sadness and loss that are part of the human condition. Parents talk to them of them but...well, you have to learn to tolerate these within 'felt experience", bearing, enduring.

I am an only child and would never have dared to say I was bored to my parents who would have given me chores to do, like foxie48.

I had to learn to entertain myself - drawing, reading, writing stories, playing with a ball against the wall, lying on the grass watching the ants or the clouds in the sky. etc etc.

Lovely article and one with which I totally agree. Many children are not given the chance to be bored so they don't develop the skills to deal with it. If I said to my mother, I'm bored, she'd say she could find plenty of things for me to do, which meant housework or other chores so I found ways to amuse myself. I took the same line with my children and it certainly didn't do them any harm, quite the opposite in fact. IMO many children do too many organised activities, are often kept too busy when they need time to just "be".

Kids seem to do a lot of after school things, and seem to have organised trips almost every weekend, theatre, theme parks, visiting places. In their down time, they've their phones.
Schools pressure teachers to put on after school activities, parents want to make memories.

Yes I can see this adds up to an intense lifestyle.