Birthday Party Blues

They live a five minute walk from them and see them all the time . The special times are always at their house .

The other grand parents do live in the same village . My DIL is still on mat leave so does take the baby to her mums while my grandson is at pre school . I would love to invite everyone to mine but two years ago my husband of 20 yrs walked out for another women . In his words younger prettier, fitter more intelligent with a banging body . He was gone two months after . I couldn’t afford the house on my own so moved into my 83 yr old mum spare room with the dog so we don’t have the room . Hopefully one day i will get a place of my own again and I can invite everyone to mine.i just know if the shoes was on the other foot I would make sure everyone is included . I enjoy the time I have with my grandson and he loves coming to see me and we have great adventures together but it’s just hard to seeming lose my son. I raised him alone as his dad decided fatherhood wasn’t for him when he was six weeks old

I wish the OP would come back and give us the background to this issue.

Perhaps we'll never know what happened now.

Page 3 and the OP has not come back.

Were the maternal grandparents at the party? They aren't mentioned, only the brother in law.

Smileless2012 we don't know which gifts were opened when.

My granddaughter took her birthday gifts home from her party to open later.
We weren't with her when our gift was opened.
We were at her party though (as was this grandmother).
Our gift was appreciated and we got a video later.
Did this child open their other presents at the actual party?

We really don't know a lot about the details yet.

Reading between the lines, and probably wrongly, I get a sense that there may have already been some issues.
The OP is at pains to point out that she never crosses boundaries, always "toes the line", in a sense.

It may not have been up to the OP's son and d.i.l. to invite her, but that doesn't explain or excuse her GS not opening his gift from her, while she was there.

A d.i.l.'s family taking precedence only happens when a son enables that to be the case.

How cruel and unkind. I felt really sad reading your post and feel for you. You sound really lovely and do not deserve to be treated like this. Personally I would have to ask my son why I was excluded and what necessitated such rudeness towards you. I think if you do not say something/ask then it will always 'fester' inside you. Take care of yourself.

I've been thinking about this and I really do think why they didn't invite you is it was the other grandparents' home so it wasn't up to your son and DIL to extend an invitation to you, and also they obviously were not at the party you attended so it was nice that the family went to see them.

I really do not think you were treated poorly by anyone - it was just as I wrote above, they intended no disrespect to you.

I think several of us felt this was the case Cabbie21.

That is awful! the other grandparents always ask me to things and vice versa and we share childcare. I think that is not only hurtful but crass and rude! You are close family... I would ask your sin why you were not invited??? And let him know how hurt you are. Hugs to you.🥰

Thinking more about the situation, as you were at the actual party, the visit to the other grandparents was to ensure they didn’t miss out. It was up to those grandparents to invite you too, but it probably didn’t occur to them. I don’t think your son is to blame. It wasn’t his place to invite you.
But without knowing a bit more background it is impossible for us to say, other than sympathising with your feeling hurt and left out.

Princessjonsie

Should have said I would wait until I wasn’t so upset x

Princessjonsie

I would quietly take my son aside and ask, out of curiosity, was there was any reason I wasn’t invited by the maternal GP. I think it’s best to know these things or it plays on your mind and it can make something out of nothing. Also I would until I wasn’t so upset.
Wishing you well.

MissAdventure

I have to say, there is no way I would make myself almost an unpaid skivvy to people who lacked the ability to even think about my feelings.

That includes offspring.

Yes!

Shelflife

I completely understand how you feel.
However I urge you to tread with care. So many GP. are at odds with their AC - please dont let that happen . You sound to be a very sensible woman and a wonderful GM . I agree it was mean , you should have been invited to the maternal GP home. However, don't let what happened damage your relationship with your son and DIL.

Good advice.
Tho it wasn’t at all fair to be left out there are two ways of looking at it.
Am presuming the other grandparents weren’t at the first birthday party, so it was nice for them to have a celebration later on.
Or… as usual the DIL and her family take precedence in these things and it will happen a lot in the future.If so, there’s nothing to be done, it is what it is, sadly.
And if you’re left out in the future stop helping clean up.

I’m so sorry to hear this. Has there been a disagreement in the past which May still be rankling?

I have to say, there is no way I would make myself almost an unpaid skivvy to people who lacked the ability to even think about my feelings.

That includes offspring.

It seems like very bad manners and I would be very hurt. That said was no invite forthcoming because it was at the other grandparents home and it was up to them to invite you not your son and his wife? I would tread carefully as others have suggested and perhaps just mention it to your son casually if you feel you need. You sound like a very sensible woman and I’m sure you will handle it with care.

Please come back Princessjonsie and let us know how you are..

We have never been invited to any of our son and DIL children's parties, school plays or any other events. Christmas Dinner once several years ago and the eldest is 17 now. Sometimes you visit and DIL will chat to you, other times she completely ignores us. Even when one of the DGC was in hospital we saw it on FB first. Always have to make an appointment to visit which has never been our way. DIL has parted ways with her own mother too as the mother wanted to move to the coast and DIL had a huge row with her about it forbidding her to go. She went anyway and is very happy there.
I think it's a thing that paternal grandparents get left out of many things to do with grandchildren in favour of the DILs parents.
I feel for you OP it's not a nice thing to do.

57VRS

Hi , had a bit if a similar experience before my son became estranged. My grand daughters 5th birthday was coming up a few years back and my husband was actually not going to be working for a change( shift work , ugh) so I texted my son and politely asked when we coyld come over to give her her presents and spend a bit of time with them . The birthday was on a Saturday. My son , knowing full well that his stepfather has always worked shifts and that this was great that he would actually have the weekend off , texted back saying ‘ oh its her party mum on the Saturday and sunday we’re busy so can you come the following weekend?’
I replied ‘sorry your sd is working that weekend, I’ll post her presents’
We were mortified. Things went downhill from there and we were nc 6 months later.

That’s so sad
Why are adult children like this - the heart ache caused is irreparable.

That made me cry that’s so cruel - I’m sorry to read that - sending a hug xx