Birthday Party Blues

Sorry I think you mis understood.

Grandma (me ) was there
Granny DIL Mum was there
Gramps DIL Dad was there
Three Aunties DIL side of the family and partners and children
Great grandma My mum was there

Every one was at the party it was only when it came to present opening when they all went back to granny and gramps house and I wasnt invited to watch him open presents

No he does not contact his dad . This is his choice . He left when he was 6 weeks old and for many many years I tried to keep contact and make sure he sort his dad but he would let him down all the time . When he was 7 he said he didnt want to see him so i said ok but he had to say no to his dad as its coming from him not me

It may seem hurtful but you were the only grandmother at the main party and it seems fair that the other grandmother has her time too?

Is your son still in touch with his father?
Wondering if he has any contact now?

It’s not a competition. I would just like to enjoy those special little mile stones as well. If it’s just my son DIL and the children then I wouldn’t dream of asking to go but if the other set of grand parents are invited I’m on my own so it’s one extra to invite. I have plenty of 1 on 1 especially with my grandson. I have him all day one day of the weekend to give the, a break. I am there to babysit anytime they only have to say. If it’s cold and snowing I check they have food and go shopping so they do nt have to come out in the cold and loads of other things. I would just like to be included into things and give me the same courtesy that the other grandparents get

I hope your son and you get access to your children. There is nothing worse that a dad who is a good father and then gets separated from them. So many dead beats who don’t want to and your son is desperate to .

Yes it does look that way . Shame as he has spent so little time with him. He hates his dad and has changed his name to take my DIL name .

I have experienced similar things with DIL's family. Son and DIL are now getting divorced and they are enabling her to make it difficult for son to see his kids. I have never liked that other family but won't let my grandkids know that. I'll do all that I can to help our son cope with what he is going through.

Princess Jonsie, I feel sad for you - let down by people in your life that should have made you feel you mattered.

Sounds like in your sons case he must take after his dad.

I think the way modern photographers at weddings seem to miss people out is extraordinary.
I think it's because they have a more casual approach and the bride and groom rarely have a comprehensive list of who to take.

My son's wedding was one of these and the photographer was clear that I shouldn't give her any info as she "had it all from the bride/groom".

Not one single photo of his aunt and none were taken of his siblings that included their wives/ husbands/ partners/ children other than the big photo of everyone. His aunt and uncle seem to have even missed that!

The siblings are there in some casual photos but often as "background" to some other main activity.

I am truly grateful that his great grandmother was in them though. She was SO happy to be able to travel to it. It was her last ever long journey.

Maybe you are in there somewhere.
I hope so.
Fingers crossed 🤞

You're being too generous to them, MissAdventure. They seem like a selfish, thoughtless, nasty crew to me.

Princessjonsie, I hope you are able to foster other relationships/friendships while seeming to give all your free time to looking after your grandchild and, in future, grandchildren.

I do feel for you and hope there's a way the situation can improve. Best wishes.

They're obviously a large, close knit family, which is just how it goes, and not a bad thing, even if its different to your situation.

Do you think they might assume that you don't want to involve yourself too much with them, perhaps?

It was a proper old school party with his pre school class and the core family . My DIL is from a big family . She has 3 sisters . So in addition to the children it was her mum and dad, three sisters , their husbands and the twin babies by her sister . On my son side its me and my mum . They have two children so two car seats. The other grandparents ferried the food etc . i would never assume im invited or push myself forward . This is has been going on for years . I was uninvited from the hen night so I could baby sit my grandson for the weekend as the stag night had been booked the same weekend. I have never seen the wedding pictures as we certainly were not included in the line up and were never called for photos

Im still hurt but once again i wont say anything as all that will happen is I wont see my grandchildren . I have resigned myself to the fact my son is selfish and doent think about me . I would never blame my DIL as its not her responsibility to make sure im ok thats his . I will wait until these beautiful children are teenagers and then reap my reward

I'm so sorry that this has happened to you.
I don't really have any solution.

Just do things which you enjoy and don't expect any invitations.

You really don't know what's behind this attitude.

In my family,my daughter's mother in law is an extremely controlling and manipulative woman behind a lot of fake sugariness.
She has a battle with my daughter -the first person she's met who isn't intimidated by her.

But -
cross her at your peril .
At first,everything was fine with her until I aced her at a quiz with ease .
I had no idea that she prided herself on winning at everything or I would have backed down.
It doesn't matter what sort of family occasion is in the pipeline-she's there orchestrating the whole event to please herself.
And that includes excluding me.

‘We are just chapters in our children’s lives, but to us, our children are the whole story’.

This is in response to Franbern, who quite rightly pointed out how we move down notches as they grow and start their own relationships and families.

being (deliberately) left out is not a happy place for anyone indeed NotSpaghetti. This IMO was a horrible thing to have done especially as the OP's son was complicit.

Franbern I think if you read all the thread I can see why she was upset. I originally thought the other gran wasn't at the party and thought this gran was "expecting" things. I now think she was surprised that the party basically moved on and left her behind. The other gran was not very inclusive here I felt.

She says "I enjoy the time I have with my grandson and he loves coming to see me and we have great adventures together" so is enjoying the times they share.

However ...
being (deliberately) left out is not a happy place for anyone.

Oh dear. Why do so many grandparents feel that it some sort of competition as to who sees those grandchildren, how often and on what occasions, etc.
My Children were my world. When they grew up and got their partners, I felt I had been moved down a notch with them. Yes, of course I was and quite correctly so.
When they had children, it felt a dropped even further down -and - of course that was also quite right and correct.
Grandchildren are now all grown or growing up. Some I have a really good relationship with as I was a constant presence, others not so much a I did/do not see them very much.
Does it really matter? Thanks goodness, all my g.children come from happy homes, and surely that is all that really matters. All of them and their parents are coming to my 85th birthday celebrations this month.
For those fortunate enough to be around and near enough to see their grandchildren personally as much as once a week, (as the OP), then just enjoy that and stop trying to look for problems in your relationships.

I think it sounds like all the daughter-in-law's relatives were there after all - unless I read that wrong?

If they were there then I do think it was at the very least, thoughtless of them to not include you.
Maybe you coild have a quiet word with your son about it. I say "quiet" as he may also have found it rather awkward.

Meanwhile I hope you and your grandson continue to have happy times as you two clearly get along and enjoy each other's company.

I enjoy the time I have with my grandson and he loves coming to see me and we have great adventures together

This is very warm and loving. I'm sure that he will love having many more adventures with you in future. Hold onto this on your heart.

Thinking of you.

Thanks for updating us.
So who was at the party that you helped with? Just you, the boy’s parents and some children?
Why was a car needed since the other grandparents live only five minutes walk away?
So you put in all the work, including loading the car then they drive off without you? I agree that was very hurtful.
Could you have just assumed you were invited too, even if you had to walk round there?
It all seems very odd.

Thanks for coming back.
Do you feel any different now that a few days have passed?

My son is 33 and my DIL is 32.

All presents were taken from the party to the maternal grandparents as I helped pack up the car

Yes they were all there . Granny gramps three aunties and their husbands . On my sons side it’s me amd my mum . It’s hard not to think that when she has gone I will be alone . I keep a smile on my face for her